Starfish

27.2

The fury, the hot black rage he felt for no apparent reason, still bubbled deep within but it was nothing compared to the shame that took his rage and encased it in ice. This tiny, fearless woman scared him more than the implication of his pores. He took a shaky breath, steeling himself against whatever her reaction might be. "Nina... I do not know how to explain it to you, but something is happening to me – I cannot control it, and now that it has begun I cannot stop it." His hands trembling, his insides freezing, exhausted and anxious and fighting to keep what little control he had left, Ardus reached for his cuffs. He rolled back the left first, exposing several inches of dark, thick wrist and a tiny glowing dot a finger's length below his thumb. 

At first it seemed that Nina could not see it, but as she leaned closer she squinted, bringing her hand up to shade his wrist. He rolled back another inch of sleeve, exposing two more tiny points of light, each a faint spot of pale blue. Ardus watched her eyes widen, her mouth drop open in surprise before she looked back up at him. She gripped his hand, two fingers all that would fit in her palm. "Ardus...your pores..." He nodded, afraid to speak.

She looked back down, shaking her head and touching the tiny spots with her fingertips. "Isn't this a good thing?"

"Typically yes, but considering how I have behaved today, I am not so sure."

"But... I don't understand, why would your pores make you act like this?"

"I do not know for certain, but the popular theory is that the chemicals that cause my pores to glow are tied to my hormones, the ones I began to produce when I entered puberty. Now that this has started, I feel..." Ardus ran a hand through his barbels, his other still in Nina's grasp. "One moment I am on fire, the next I am freezing. My body hurts, I cannot sleep, I cannot think, I am ravenously hungry and so tired..." He sighed heavily, the weariness laying in his bones like lead. "I have become short-tempered and impatient, I become angry over the smallest things."

Nina made an odd face. "You're mad because your pores came back?"

"No, I am not angry, I am...frightened, and exhausted. Yesterday I did nothing but eat and sleep, and when I did sleep I slept badly. I would lie in bed freezing, covered in every blanket I own, only to throw them off a few minutes later. My mind races, my joints ache, I can hardly control my thoughts." And I have masturbated to you so much that I am sore.

"When did it start?"

"The last night of...the trip." He wanted so badly to say our trip, but that didn't feel right. "I...I had noticed other changes before, but I attributed them to my age. I thought perhaps I was too old, that I had been dark so long that any chance of getting my light back was gone. I thought I was one of the unlucky ones, and I was prepared to spend the rest of my life dark. When I saw these," he indicated his wrist and its three tiny pinpricks of light, "it frightened me." Ardus allowed himself to squeeze her tiny fingers. "I was not ready for this."

Nina squeezed back. "So that's why you've been acting so awful? Because you were scared?" She smiled at him, and Ardus's heart thumped. "You? Scared? Of what?"

"I..." What was he afraid of? Change, the attention, rejection? How overwhelmingly aware he was of this tiny woman's hand in his, how she affected him? How quickly she had wiggled her way into his life, his work, his mind, his deepest, wildest desires? Ardus looked down at her, standing before him in her soft, tight dress and her grey eyes and dimples, her long, dark hair and that sweet, clean floral scent that he knew he would recognize anywhere as hers. I am afraid of hurting you, of losing you.

"Ardus," laying her other hand on top of his, curling her fingers around his thumb and stroking his claws with a gentle touch, her eyes soft with compassion – that same all-encompassing love for the world and all its creatures Timam had possessed – Nina said, "somebody once told me that if we want to evolve, we have to face the things we're afraid of. As the most intelligent species on both of our worlds, we're capable of setting aside the fear of the unknown and forging ahead. If our people are going to work together, if we're going to coexist, we have to put aside fear. Like I said the other night, we're totally different species – there are going to be missteps, but we're smart enough to work past those and keep going. My species might be a million years younger than yours, but that doesn't mean we can't find some common ground. Now I wonder who the smart person was who told me that." She grinned, and Ardus felt his mouth twitch into a smile. 

He shook his head with a sigh. "That would be me."

Nina patted his hand. "That's right, big guy." Her eyes and smile suddenly widened. "Well! I think somebody likes that nickname."

Ardus frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"Your whole face just lit up purple."

"Did it?"

Giggling, Nina pointed at the specimen case in the corner, backed with mirrored glass. Ardus turned and caught his reflection, his cheeks, chin, forehead and neck glittering softly. He reached up and touched his cheek. Almost twenty years... "My...my Collar..." Unhooking the toggle button, he pulled the fabric away from his throat and found his Collar of Aku sparkling, the colors flickering pink and blue, purple and white and bright as the stars. He turned back to Nina. "My... Nina, my Collar is back!"

"It's beautiful, Ardus. But," she tugged on his hand, "before we get too excited about that, there are a couple of people in the hallway I think you need to apologize to."

A wave of shame and remorse washed over him and his pores faded. "Oh... Right, yes, I should do that." He stood and Nina's hand dropped from his. For a moment he worried he'd lost it forever. No, there will be time for that later. Nina led him to the door, sliding it open and leaning out. "Athe, Meem? It's okay, Ardus just wants to say something." Turning back, she gave him a wink. "Surprise them." She stepped back, and Ardus pressed into the doorway. 

Raising his eyes, he met Athe first. The younger Dreen's eyes flew wide. "Ardus, your pores!" Meem looked up next, and gasped. "Doctor! How did you-"

Wringing his hands, embarrassed, Ardus began. "Meem, Athe, I am sorry for what I said. I retract my words, I will not-" Athe interrupted, enveloping Ardus in a friendly embrace.

"Oh shut up you big idiot, we knew you didn't mean it."

"You...you did?"

"Of course. You're a big old grump, we're used to it. Aren't we, Meem?" Meem nodded. "See? You just startled us, that's all. I knew something was up when you came in smelling like a troop of cliff-climbers."

"Ah..." Ardus's face flickered yellow and pink. "I thought I had that under control."

Athe wrinkled his flat nose-bridge. "Well, you don't. Oh don't make that face, I'm sure it'll fade. For the moment, let's get some fresh air in here. Doctor Nina, would you mind opening a window?" Athe let him go, but held on to his wrist. "Listen, I think this calls for a celebration. When's the last time you had a party?"

Ardus blanked. "I...er..."

"Exactly! What do you say, your place? Tomorrow night?"

"Ah, well, my apartment is-"

"I'll take care of everything, you just have to be there. We'll invite the whole department, and the chemistry division, and Nina and the other humans! Come on, it'll be great! Doctor Nina, will you come?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Nina said, standing on her chair by the window and pushing out the glass. She smiled at Ardus, feeding an already blazing fire in his chest and belly. "What's the dress code?"

"Make it special, it's not every day a Dreen comes back from the dark!" Athe went on about the party, and while Ardus wondered if it was wise to fill his home with people – Dreen and human – so soon after his pores had re-lit, while his hormones and emotions were still running high and wild, while he still was unsure if he would be able to handle the attention and the close proximity of Nina and his bedroom. The way she had smiled at him, how her little mouth had quirked and her dimples tucked in her cheeks in that secret, knowing way that told him she understood more than she was letting on, told him that this party in his honor was going to be a memorable one.