The world keeps spinning until it just seems to stop your body goes numb and all you can hear is a long beep followed by the shouts and screams of the crowd and you realize you fucked up.
This isn't my first time on stage yet it feels like I might throw up any second,the judge rings the bell indicating my time is up but I'm so shocked by what I said that it feels like I'm glued to the ground,my teammates pulled me to my seat indicating me to sit down and tryed to make me feel better by saying it wasn't that bad but their eyes said otherwise, this debate in 7th grade took a turn on me.
I was always an extrovert I liked trying new things,that was up till 7th grade when I lost in a debate and humiliated myself so brutally on stage that I left debate or any kind of stage performances. I still remember crying in the girls washroom as everyone went to eat lunch I was so ashamed to show my face to my mentor,friends,seniors and even my opponents.I felt like a disappointment a huge one at that and even though I'm in 9th grade that memory still haunts me like a like a fresh memory.
I've had my fair share of embarrassing moments but this one tops my list and ur probably wondering why I'm explaining this well this connects to my current situation.
Like I've said I'm quite an extrovert but being an extrovert dosen't mean ur happy and bubbly all the time we have our fair share of insecurities and problems.For me I've always been insecure about everything but it wasn't until the debate that I became so conscious of what other people thought.I am always scared about how I look, how i dress, how I speak, how I eat,how I smile, even how I smell and as an extrovert I shared these concerns with my friends and family but it didn't matter if I shared it to them a million times I always felt not understood.
They always say "you're beautifull you don't need to be insecure""you're not fat" I desperately want to beleive that but I just cannot a part of me always reminds me that their your friends their not saying this cause they mean it their saying this cause they are trying not to hurt your feelings and it dosent matter if I watch thousands of motivational speeches or read thousands of life-changing books it just won't change my mind not cause the books are boring or the speeches are delusional or my friends are fake,and ur probably wondering why I'm writing this in present tense well it's cause I haven't overcome my insecurities all because I'm still in war with nobody but myself.
YOU ARE READING
Self talk
HumorA point of view of an extrovert Not a romance novel Not a thriller novel Not a fanfiction Not a biography Not a autobiography Not a motivational story Just sharing my point of views and trying to convince myself along the way to win a war against m...
