EVERYONE'S PAWN

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As an outgoing person studying in a boarding school I am always with my friends in school,in dorm we even schedule when we'd poop together.

So I love my friends I'm friendly with everyone around me but there's only a few I'm really close with,they've been with me during the rocky stages of my life they've seen me cry,they've seen me at my worst,at my best and much more and I really appreciate them but now that I'm getting older I'm realising that I made myself a pawn.

I have autophobia the fear of being alone if I'm alone during schooltime I get extremely anxious of what people might say if they see me alone so I tend to always stick around people if possible and like I said I'm an outgoing person so when my friends ask me to go and say something to someone on behalf of them i willingly go without thinking if it'll get me in trouble or not,cause that gives  me a sense of belonging like I am  usefull and not just a burden that I can contribute to my friends but now that I look back I think that made me vulnerable,vulnerable enough that they'd be okay with giving me any task without thinking if I was okay with it they know that I agree to everything they say and that is no one's fault not my friends who probably do this not to hurt me but just out of habit it's my own fault for letting myself become everyone's pawn.

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