"You're going to be my present and my future. You're going to hold all my babies because I'm going to be the lucky man to marry you. You're going to love me again, Maryam Khan. Slowly and then all together. And I will watch you as you do."
Imran and...
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Cue a deep breath in.
"So," I start, "I broke another promise I made to you. And I believe you know how stubborn your daughter is and that I have no chance in front of her." A humorless chuckle escapes my mouth that seemed to echo in the quiet of the cemetery around me.
It was another day, another visit to Arif Khan's grave where I vent out in front of him and try to regain my consciousness. Conscience. Or both.
"I was not expecting all of that from my begum," I say in all honesty. "I thought she would let go after a couple of days but she didn't and proved me wrong. I believed I was giving her the space she needed to mourn and collect herself. And I didn't think staying away would not solve the problem or erase the idea of divorce from her mind. You know Uncle, her eyes were blazing red when she screamed the word divorce on my face. I'd never seen her like that before. Not even the time you passed away. This was. . .something else. And that is why I took the step. Made the decision."
I clear my throat and glance at the tree on my right. My teeth sink into my trembling bottom lip. Eyes blinking the fastest they can to keep the tears at bay. After a painfully thick gulp of whatever little saliva I can force down my esophagus, I gaze back at the tombstone.
"Main apni khushi, apni marzi se ye sab nahi kara uncle. If I had it my way, I'd never let things between us go this far. It was all fine, we were resettling into our relationship after your incident but. . .ek dum se sab palat gya." I shake my head in astonishment.
"So abrupt and so fast, I didn't have the time to grasp anything. I lost the baby I didn't know I had. I lost Maryam who I believed I had. And now I am also going to cut off whatever strings that bind us." I suck in a sharp breath.
"It's a terrible feeling, Uncle. To watch Maryam suffer and not be able to help her. To watch her cry and not be able to wipe her tears. To watch her break and not be able to hold her. It's killing me."
My hand moves to my cheek to wipe the wetness dry. I sniff and blow a breath through my mouth.
"So now I've decided, until we sign the papers I will spend every second of whatever time we have left together. There's no question Maryam's not going to like it, but I won't let that get to me. Isliyea Uncle, ijazat dijiyea, main chaltu. Ghar pe begum intezaar karre honge."
Which is highly unlikely given that my wife doesn't even want to see my face. Here's to anything that gives me a moment of bliss.
When I get home, I plaster a big smile on my face after mummy unlocks the front door. I didn't fail to notice the visible expression of relief her features morphed into seeing me.
"Aye, mera bacha!" She grins, putting her warm palms on either side of my face, and pecked my forehead. "You're early today. Achi baat hai. In fact, bohot achi baat. This way, you can spend more time with us. And Maryam. Allah ka shukr aaj aakhri exam tha uska, hogya."
