Ashes on your pale skin ~ Chris Motionless

Chapter 4:

Her heart thrummed against her chest, and she felt almost frozen to the spot as she awaited for the door to be opened.

Sure, seeing her dad on stage, and up close handing her a rose was something that she could have never dreamed of, but being in the same room as him, with the very high chance that he's going to be speaking to her is pure insanity to her.

This is not what she had pictured when she had left the flat that she lived in, with her mother, earlier today.

She's feels a rush of excitement pass over her, as well as deep clashes of anxiety, rippling their way through her body like waves.

She's worried she'll freeze up and not even be able to say anything to him; she hopes she doesn't.

She desperately wants to tell him the truth, and in her mind and heart all she wants is for him to accept her.

But she's scared that he won't.

She's scared that he'll turn her away away and the thing that she's been dreaming of since she was little kid will be fractured; she'll have no hope to hang onto then.

As much as she knows it'll hurt that he doesn't know, as it has her whole life, she knows it'll hurt even more if he straight up rejects her and turns her alway.

She can't decide if it's worth the risk.

Ryan opens the door of the dressing room, and she finds herself subconsciously pushing herself into the space behind her mum, using her body to shield her own slender one from the waiting eyes in the room.

Not only is her father in this room, but so is all of the members of the band that she's looked up to from a very young age; people who are heroes to her.

Amy, as always, stands proud as she enters the room.

She's always had exceptional confidence, something she'll never quite understand or comprehend.

Then again, she doubts that it was always this way.

She's seen old pictures of her mum when she's young, around fifteen or sixteen, and the way she holds herself is similar to her own.

Perhaps confidence is something that comes with age; she hopes so.

However, right now she feels so nervous she could throw up. So she fixes her gaze onto the floor, avoiding looking around the room to help calm her nerves a bit.

-

Amy looks straight at Ryan as he opens the door, and he flashes a soft smile at her.

She knows him well, he's been in the band a long time, the same with Ricky, whose stood looking from the corner of the room in a bit of an awe.

She'd grown up at school together with both Ricky and Chris, Ryan going to a different school but still being somebody that they spent a lot of time with back in the day.

She knows it would've hit them both hard when she'd left; they'd spent a good chunk of their developing years together.

Hell, they were practically family, growing up in a town that wanted nothing to do with anyone who wasn't deemed 'normal'; yet now their nothing more than strangers wearing old friends faces.

She remembers her first day at the school that they had gone to together like the back of her hand.

She'd been so nervous, because, as well as starting a new school, she'd been moved into yet another group home, which, like all the others, were completely dismissive of her, and only cared about the government paycheck they received for keeping her in their care.