Ashes on your pale skin ~ Chris Motionless

Chapter 2:

For the openers, she found herself head banging along to the music, she didn't know them too well, but they were amazing live, and she found herself drawn towards live music in general, despite this being the one and only time she's ever been to a concert.

For one of the only times in her life, her energy remained stable, the few pills that her mother had scraped together the last few days, meaning that she's been getting proper rest, therefore experiencing none of her, usually constant, narcoleptic episodes.

She's been feeling like less of the burden that she always feels like in terms of her episodes, however, an overwhelming onset of guilt creeps over her every time she swallows one of the few pills.

She knows that their expensive, and that's why she's never been given them before in the entirety of her life. She questions how her mother pulled together the money for the meagre few she had, as well as for the concert tonight; she worries that they won't be eating for a while after tonight.

Trying not think about any of that, as her thoughts wander inbetween the bands sets, she instead focuses her eyes up to the stage.

She knows that her dads going to be stepping onto that stage next, and she can feel her whole body tingling with a mixture of emotions.

A warm clammy hand takes hold of hers, and she lets her hand slide into its loose grip, despite being taken aback a bit. Her mum squeezes her hand gently; probably the most gentle touch she's felt in her entire life off of her mother.

She stands, hand in hand with her mum, eyes intently watching the stage as the crew moves around the set up on the stage.

She softly hums along to the music filling the venue as she waits, banging her head along gently with her mum to papa roach, one of the many bands that she'd been brought up listening to.

It's bittersweet to her that her mum, the reason she feels the way that she does ninety nine perfect of the time, is the one who introduced her to the music thats been there for her in her darkest moments.

She's greatful she's had the music in her life either way though, she doesn't know how she would have coped without it, or if she'd even be a fraction of the person she is today without it.

She likes being able to vent her frustrations through the words of the songs, and going on walks by herself, headbanging alone by herself through old, off the track paths, not wanting to be seen by anyone. Her mums old iPod that she'd given to her a couple of years back stashed in her pocket, and filled to the brim with illegally downloaded music.

It's not the best, it's slow, and the screen is all scratched to fuck; but that iPod is her pride and joy, holding the key to curbing the deep hole window of her, and she's willing to protect it with her life. It's cathartic, and it keeps her sane when things are really getting dark.

It doesn't fix things; but it makes them easier to deal with.

Motionless in white's music has always been there for her, and although her dad doesn't know, and will probably never know, he's always been in her life, without physically needing to be there.

When she'd been able to at school, she'd stay in the back of the library during her lunch breaks, watching interviews with her dad in them, listening intently to his words.

Whether he knew it or not, his online presence has kept her strong for a lot of years, and not only was he her dad, he was somebody that she looked up to by a large amount.

She hopes I'd she ever got the chance to meet him in real life that he would be the same as he portrayed himself online, or whether it was all a front that he puts up; she hopes not.