Lesser Evil

17| The Princess

"Leave the country, Ayat." He spoke somberly, sending a wave of panic through me at his totally absurd idea.

"Are you crazy? Messed in the head or something?" I pulled my hands away from his, crossing my arms as I mustered the strength to glare at him. I wasn't leaving the country. I wasn't leaving him.

"In the heart, actually." He whispered so quietly that I barely heard him. "Think with your brain, Ayat. This is the only solution we have. Don't you understand that he'll get to you if you stay in the country?"

The fact that I understood it only caused me to panic more. He was making sense. Too much sense. And I didn't like it. "What says that he won't come after me if I leave the country?"

Shaz's smile was a small one, full of sorrow that made my heart clench painfully. "Because Fariz might be many things but he isn't stupid. Doing anything outside the country puts him at a risk of getting caught and under the radar of many police forces. He isn't stupid enough to risk everything like that. He might want you, Ayat, but he values his safety more than anything else."

I gulped, feeling this getting realer by the minute. Why was he making so much sense? "There— there has to be another way, Shaz."

"You tell me if you think there is another way." And his question made me shut up instantly. But I still wracked through my brain hard to think of another solution. Anything but this. I didn't want to leave him. I couldn't.

And the realization that there wasn't any other way must have been written over my face because his smile widened just a little but grew even sadder. "You're coming with me then." I said, throwing in as much stability as I could in my tone and voice.

He shook his head instantly. "Not a chance. You are going alone. I'm not doing anything with your money, and I do not have the expenses to travel right now, let alone live in a different country."

"Shaz—" I opened my mouth to object. No, no, no. I wasn't going anywhere without him. I wasn't going to be alone again.

"No." He said firmly and with finality. His face had hardened into unrelenting and I knew he wouldn't negotiate. "Where do you think will be the best to go?"

"I don't want to go." I mumbled in a small voice, feeling my heart drop to my stomach and roll.

He swiftly ignored me. "Do you need help looking for universities?"

"Are you even listening to me, Shaz?"

"When it comes to your safety? No, I'm not listening to you." He had a thoughtful look on his face though I could see the despair underlying too.

"You'll just let me go?"

"If to let you go means that you'll live and be safe, then yes, I will let you go and I will do it a thousand times over." His reply had tears building up in my eyes.

"It's going to be two years, Shaz. Two years." The thought of not seeing him for that long was making it even harder to keep the tears in.

"I know."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away from him, no longer being able to see that hard, unrelenting look in his eyes. He was determined, too determined to send me away. It didn't settle well with my heart who was in a constant of doubt.

Then, because I needed him to find another way since I couldn't think of an alternate solution myself to back me up, I thought of... provoking. "Two years is a long time. What if— what if I find someone else? Or decide that I no longer want to be with you?" Even as I said the words, they left a bitter taste on my tongue because of being foolish lies that they were.

He smiled. He smiled, the complete opposite of what I'd expected him to do. "Then I'd say that you found your way to the right thing."

This man is infuriating. Too infuriating to put up with.

Yet you went after him. The voice in my head nagged. I sighed in agreement with that voice. We might be a little... unconventional but I didn't care.

"And what about your feelings? You wouldn't care at all?"

"Of course I would care. I'd be heartbroken and I would move past it. But I would never, and I mean never, move past you. It's simply not possible." I found myself nodding to his words even as my heart ached and burned in my chest.

This felt like the end of a story that hadn't even started yet.

———

Two days later, I sat in the car with hands folded in my lap, silently staring out the window, part in disbelief and part in denial.

"I can't believe this is happening." I whispered to myself, forgetting that I wasn't alone in the car for a second. And everything was happening too fast for my brain and the rest of me to catch on.

"I'm sorry—"

"Don't. It's not your fault." I told him quietly, having said the words enough in the past few days to memorize it. It wasn't his fault, not really. He just wanted me safe like I wanted him safe. I just wish there would've been another way where we wouldn't have to part ways.

Suddenly I remembered something that made me turn in the seat to fully face him. "I don't have your number."

He shook his head. "I'm not giving it to you, Ayat. We aren't going to stay in touch. I'm sorry."

"Then how am I supposed to find you when I return?" I nearly yelled, so frustrated with him.

"If it's meant to be, then you'll find me. Better, I'll find you, like I did the first time." He glanced at me once then sighed. "And there's also a possibility that Fariz will trace you if we stay in touch."

That man had single handedly ruined my life, as well as given me one of the most precious people in my life.

"I simply hate you!" I huffed out and crossed my arms, well aware that I was acting like a toddler.

I saw him smiling from the corner of my eye. "Hate me then. It's better you hate me than your life be in danger." I exhaled deeply in exasperation but dipped my chin once. The car stopped and I knew we'd reached the airport.

Shaz pulled out my suitcase from the trunk and followed me inside with it, only stopping when the security check came in view. I turned to him, pulling my lip between my teeth to keep it from quivering.

God, I was going to cry.

"This is it?" I repeated the words from merely a week ago. That goodbye had felt heavy, but this one was like a truck load of bricks had fallen on my chest. Maybe because I knew I wasn't going to be able to run back to him if I wanted.

Yet, he still smiled. "This is it."

I stepped forward with my arms still crossed and managed to narrow my eyes at him. "Don't you dare forget me and I'll return in exactly two years, okay? Same date as today. You better meet me,, however you have to, understood?"

He nodded, smiling just a little wider. The change was barely noticeable but I'd been staring at him intently enough to catch it. "Understood." He pushed my bag toward me and I wrapped my hand around the handle, feeling the warmth from his hand holding it before.

He took a step back just as I took one when my flight number was announced. Then, after looking at him long enough to imprint him in my memory, I turned and walked to the security check, not glancing over my shoulder even once.

This is it.