After the Storm (manxman)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

(Nina Dobrev, my idea of Danielle)

"Fuck." I groaned as bright light suddenly slashed across my face and I threw my hand up to block the blinding illumination from scorching my gritty eyeballs.

"It is time for you to get your ass out of that bed, you smell like you are the one that died." Dani yelled at me as she continued to go from window to window pulling back the heavy curtains.

"Who the Hell let you in here?" I growled as I rolled over away from the offending sunshine.

"Lucas Tyler Davidson Randall, you will not speak to me like that. I am your younger sister and I happen to care for you very much. It has been six weeks since Jackson passed away, six weeks, and no one has heard a word from you since. Your own family has been turned away from the gates of your home. You don't return anyone's calls, emails, or text messages. I had to resort to breaking and entering in order to get into this fortress you call a house." She prattled on and I just grunted and pulled the covers over my head.

"Then maybe all of you should take the hint to leave me alone." I muttered from under the sanctuary of my comforters.

All of a sudden I was robbed of even the comforts on my own bed. I glared at my annoying ass sibling as she rolled the blankets up into a bundle at the end of the bed. "I will not leave you alone to wallow like this, it is unhealthy. Have you tried to talking to somebody, a grief counselor maybe?"

Flopping over onto my back, I slowly propped myself up on some pillows. My entire body ached, my head was throbbing, and I just wanted her to shut up and stop screeching already. "Look, I want to be left alone. I don't want to hear anymore fake ass condolences from Jackson's fake ass acquaintances. I don't want to listen to the unfairness of life from my money grubbing in-laws and I don't need to talk to any fucking grief counselor. What the fuck is that going to do, it's not going to bring Jackson back. Now go and tell everyone that you have seen me and that I am alive. I am sure you can see yourself out and don't come back until I call you." I finished on a huff and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I went to stand up and my world spun on it's axis, I plopped back down onto the mattress, and clenched my eyes shut as I waited for the world to stop spinning.

I felt Danielle take a seat next to me and she gently pushed my curls out of my sweaty face. "Luis, you are not alright and I am worried about you. You look like you haven't been eating, your clothes are literally hanging off of you. You need a shower and a decent meal. Melba is beside herself with worry. How do you think I got here? She says you won't even let her clear out any Jackson's medical equipment in the other room. She says you won't eat but you seem to be consuming your body weight in alcohol. I am sorry sweetie, you can curse me and even call the cops to try to get me out of here, but I am not leaving until to talk to me."

I just shook my head and buried my face in my hands. How was I supposed to tell her that I missed my best friend, and that I feel like I am nobody and nothing important without him? How do I tell her that my purpose for getting up in the morning is no longer there and that selfish part of me wishes that he was? Can I find the words to explain to her that I still get up every two hours during the night like clockwork to give him his pain medicine only to find myself staring at his bedside blinking, dazed and confused at the empty bed? Then I would remember that he is never going to be in that bed ever again waiting for me to come to him, and it was like a fresh stab in the heart everytime all over again.

I couldn't form the words necessary to tell her that my room adjoining Jackson's was too fucking quiet and I missed the rhythmic squishing of his ventilator and the beeps of his cardiac monitor. How do you tell someone that you wish for your terminally ill husband was still here with you instead of his body resting in a cold, lonely grave while his spirit soared like the Angel he is happy in Heaven? How selfish am I to still want him here when he is now free of his misery and pain?