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LOVE'S POV

It's raining really hard outside and it's freakin' cold. I snuggled with my big teddy bear beside me and curled my legs under my sheets.

Arghh! Why is it so cold? Who's conversation is open? So cold.

~RING~

My phone rang but I'm too lazy to pick it up.

~RING~

I got irritated so I turned around and picked up my phone on the table.

"What?" I shouted over the line without seeing who's the caller.

"Did you just shout at me?" I heard a woman's voice. I looked at the screen and the caller was my Mom. Shit.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't checked who was calling," I apologized hoping that she'll hear me out.

"Stop with your sorrys' you're not that even sincere," she complained. What did I expect? She will never accept anything from me.

"Mom, it's literally 3AM. Why did you even call? What do you want from me?" I asked her with so much irritation. I heard a sigh over the line.

"Dinner at your uncles' newly opened resto. Don't be late," she commanded. I sighed.

"If this is about your blind dates, I'm not going," I said but she just laughed. I have a bad feeling about this.

"It's not a blind date. If you attend our dinner then you'll find out," I heard her chuckle. A very evil one.

"Did you really just called me this early to invite me for dinner? You could've just called me later. I hate you! I shouted.

"You never picked up my calls, Love. What do you mean call you later?" she said.

"Uh? Isn't obvious that I'm avoiding and ignoring you?...Mom?" I was being sarcastic when I called her 'Mom'.

"And also, don't call me 'Love' if don't really love me," I rolled my eyes.

"I really love you, Love. I'm the one who named you that," she chuckled.

"Yeah, right. You love to bait me in your games. I fucking hate you!... Mom!" I hunged up and throw my phone on my bed.

I hate her so much that it drained me everyday. Can I just ditch the dinner? No, I can't. Arghh! Am I evil in my past life? If I am then maybe I deserve this shit I'm going through right now.

"I can't sleep anymore but I still want to sleep more," I was sulking.

-ALARM- (Morning Stretching)

Oh! I totally forgot that I usually wake up at 4AM to do my morning routine. I got up from bed and stretched my body while yawning. I stood up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth then after that I got my yoga mat and started my morning stretching. My stretchings are not that hard for the reason that I just want to condition my body for the whole day. It's not like I'm doing a lot outside, I just don't want my body to collapse because of shock.

-ALARM- (Expect a call from your friend from New York)

My eyes widened when I saw my alarms' label. My friend from New York is coming back in the Philippines. Finally, after 5 years of her theraphy. She now have the courage to come back here. She left a lot here but I don't blame her, she deserves to be happy after all the problems she'd come through.

I shook my head and stop the negative thoughts that coming into my mind. I don't want my mouth to slip and accidentally trigger her past.

Anyways, I didn't cook today because my Mom ruined my mood. I promised myself yesterday that I'll cook pancakes but I guess promises are really meant to be broken, not generalizing though.

I have no choice but to go down at the convenient store to buy some foods. I picked the rice with giniling pack and payed at the cashier.

"Thank you, come again," the cashier smiled from ear o ear. I think he's a new one? I never seen him before.

I got back from my unit and dressed myself and tied my hair into a bun because she's going to call me anytime now. I don't want to look like smug when she sees me via zoom. I got my laptop and opened my messenger because she just sent me the link.

See my instinct was right. I clicked the link and her face was flashed on the screen, she's so much prettier now and looks so happy.

"Love! I miss you so much! How are you?" she exclaimed excitedly.

"I miss you too, Cleigh! I'm fine. I'm always fine," I smiled through the pain and I think she noticed it.

"So, how are you? What's the feeling of being a New Yorker?" she laughed.

"You don't have to hide your pain from me, Love. I know you so well but since you don't want to talk about it, I understand. Anyways, being a New Yorker is so awful at first because I'm not fluent in English but now I'm confident that I'm very fluent," she's a very understanding friend and I love her for that.

"Yeah, I noticed it earlier when you started talking," I laughed and she chuckled.

"But Cleigh, are you okay now?" she sighed when I asked that so I panicked.

"Stop asking me questions I don't know!" she shouted and wiped her tears.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Cleigh. I didn't mean to trigger you," I apologized sincerely but she just laughed at me.

"That was an audio from Tiktok, Love. Omg! You didn't know?" she still laughing when she said that.

"I deactivated all of my accounts, Cleigh. The only app that I didn't unistalled is messenger," I confessed and she was shocked but I said that it's okay with me that I'm not that updated because I have my cousin to tell me every trend.

"Oh! So, back with your question earlier. Yeah, I'm fine and I'm doing good fortunately. I don't know if I'm completely healed because I haven't been there for 5 whole years but I hope that I'm finally healed," she smiled.

"I'm always here, Cleigh. You can run to your bestfriend when something bad happens," I consoled her.

"Of course, you're my bestfriend after all. By the way, my flight is next week. I still have a week to do everything here. See you next week, Love. I love you," we waved goodbye at each other and I smiled from ear to ear. I really miss my bestfriend. I guess I'll see her next week.

...

"So, yeah. It triggers me everytime," I said to my therapist. I told her what happened earlier.

"Hmm, about what you said earlier. Do you have any idea on what she's planning?" she asked then sipped on her coffee. We're in a very comfortable position because this is the way for me to be comfortable to share my thoughts. I'm laying on her guest rooms bed and she's sitting on my left side near the table.

"It's one of her blind dates but I think it's more than that. I don't want to believe my instincts, it's driving me mad. I'll go crazy if that happens," I hugged the pillow that's on top of my stomach.

"Instincts leads you anywhere, Love. But I'm sure that woman's instincts are always right, most of the time, not generalizing though. Don't you trust yourself?" she asked while caressing my hair.

"Do I? I also asked that to myself. Don't you want to know what my instinct is?" I looked at her and she smiled.

"I don't force my family to share their thoughts, Love. Whenever you're ready, I'm always on ears," she turned around and get her coffee.

"Oh, it's empty," she said. That's my cue.

"I guess, time's up?" I got up from bed and stretched my body. I yawned.

"You can rest here before you go home, Love," she said while walking towards the door.

"You must be tired from sharing your thoughts, take a rest. You deserve it," she opened the door and left me here.

I'm in her house. What a privelege. I'm not being unfair to her other patients, right? Then I remembered that she only takes one patient at a time.

___