My Depression And Anxiety

Living With My Illness

Living with my illness is really tough
It makes me nauseous
Makes me vomit
Makes me think that things aren't ok
Working with my illness is really tough
It makes me think that I am not enough
That I am a poor performer
And makes me leave early or not come in at all
When I leave work I know that I am risking my job
When I leave work I know I am risking homelessness
When I leave work I know I'm risking going hungry
My Illness has made me think of starving myself
My illness has made me think of harming myself
How am I managing my illness?
Not very well it seems
I know the meds are working because how am I still here otherwise
I know writing my feelings helps but is it enough?
Am I enough?
The voice in my head tells me otherwise
And I'm not gonna lie I believe it sometimes
I hear it when my manager tells me about my attendance
I hear it when they ask me "what is holding you back from performing well?"
Working with my illness is really tough
I hear the voice and my eyes tear up
My throat closes up
I can't make it through without running away
"Are you ok?"
I think is it genuine?
Do you really care?
It's just my anxiety got the better of me
"What triggered your anxiety?"
He asks me
I can't tell him about the voices
I can't tell him about how sensitive I am
"I don't know" I say with a shrug
Fighting back the tears
I hate lying but it's how I get through the day
How are you?
I'm ok
Living with my Illness is really tough