White Noise

17

Directly in front of us was a clearing of grass and small rocks. Past it outstretched a large pond—it had to be at least 100 feet in width and length—surrounded by cliff-like boulders, rocks, and Redwood trees. The water was so untouched, so glassy, that the whole scene reflected off its surface, giving the illusion of seeing double.

I felt my hand gripping JD's tighter, hoping that would help me realize that this was real. But it only made my heart thunder harder in my chest.

I don't think I even said words. I just whimpered.

JD's hand left mine so it could snake around my waist and pull our hips taught against one another. His voice was low, but I could hear the amusement in it as he whispered, "Come on."

I followed his lead as we walked onto the grass towards the pond. Part of my mind was hyper focused on his hand on my hip, while the other part remained enamored by the perfect pond reflection that was splayed out in front of me like an oil painting.

A few feet from the water's edge, JD stopped walking.

"This is incredible," I whispered, not even realizing I was talking.

I felt his nose against my temple and I inhaled sharply, my eyes fluttering shut. He whispered, "I know. Sit."

I felt JD's hands on me as he guided me to sit down.

The grass was thin and a little cold, and I could feel a few small rocks scattered directly beneath and around me as I settled into a seated position. I pushed my legs forward so they were outstretched, while both hands rested in my lap. My eyes were still focused on the still-life masterpiece right in front of me.

I felt a trail of tingles as JD's arm moved from around my waist to my shoulders. After a few moments, he pulled my upper body into him so I was leaning against his chest. His hand gently rubbed my shoulder and upper back and at this point my entire upper body felt asleep from his touch.

"Do you come here a lot?" I murmured, the echo of his heartbeat faint in my ear as the back of my head rested against his sternum.

He hesitated before answering. "No. Just when I need to think. Or get away."

I bit my lip. God, I wish I had alcohol right now. I wish I had that liquid courage that reduced my feelings of paralysis around him.

Just be normal, Kate. Have a conversation.

"Do you ever come with your dad anymore?"

He snorted and I felt his arm tighten around me. "No. We barely talk now."

I swallowed hard.

Pretend, Kate. What would drunk Kate do?

"What does he do?"

"He's a lawyer, one of the top-ranked in the state. Has his own law firm in downtown San Francisco."

I immediately pushed my own insecure feelings of intimidation away. Both of my parents were practically peasantry compared to his dad alone, but this conversation wasn't about me. "He's very busy then."

"That's an understatement," he said and even though I couldn't see his face, I could hear him speaking through a smile of displeasure. "He promised he'd come to every one of my games last year. He only made it to one."

I heard my own mother's voice echoing through my head. This time it's going to be different. I promise.

"I don't trust promises," I confessed quietly.