A Taylor Christmas

Chapter 11 - Melancholic

2 days to Christmas

**Sean's POV**

I feel refreshed.

My bruised and battered brain cells are already starting to recuperate and I've not even been here for half a day. That's the kind of reviving effect being around my siblings has on me.

Uni is brutal at the moment and there have been days where I honestly questioned my sanity from back when I decided to aim for a double-major. I was under the naïve impression that it would be easy sailing, considering that achieving my undergraduate's degree didn't really take too much effort.

The past few months have proved me wrong though. I have been pulling all-nighters on a regular basis recently and my batteries are running rather low. The last two exams before Christmas break were the most cruelling of them all, but also the most important ones of this term. I have no idea yet how I did, but I better not have failed. It would crush me because I said goodbye to my social life for almost two weeks to not get distracted from studying.

If my brothers find out, they're going to have a field day with that. They always tease me, calling me a brainiac and Dr. Einstein and such. Only because school has always been easy for me and I never had to put much effort into getting good grades. It just happened and I was obviously grateful for that because it meant that I could focus my energy on other things.

There was plenty of ugly stuff going on outside of school, what with our rather unique – others might call it unfortunate or, depending on their point of view, even fucked up – family history and all the shit fate threw at us along the way. But that is in the past now and I try every day to focus on the present, to look forward to all the hopefully good things the future will still bring.

All of us deserve to have a bright future after what we've been through growing up. Other than the three youngest, every member of this family has experienced stuff that kids and young adults should never have to. We lost people, we saw the ugly side of loved ones and those who were supposed to love us – and some of us had their dreams crushed because of vicious circumstances.

Our greatest achievement today is that we have – so far – successfully managed to protect the little twins and Lily from the dark cloud that has been looming over our family for years. They have no idea about our past and – although they're forced to grow up without the stereotypical mom and dad family – they are not missing out on anything. They are allowed to be kids and enjoy their childhood.

Without pain.

Without fear.

Without heartbreak.

I wish it'll stay that way forever.

Those three are such precious kids, filling the house with their laughter and with this joy of life that is so unique to children their age. It belongs to kids that are privileged enough to grow up in a warm and happy home, feeling safe and protected and loved.

It wasn't always that way for the rest of us.

Jack is one of these examples and that's why it means even more to me when I see him act carefree, too, without looking worried and ensuring that nobody will scold him if he only as much as makes his presence known. It sadly took quite a few years for him to let go of that fear that was ingrained into him from the day he was born.

His mother was not fit for the task of having kids, let alone raising them. Far from it. From what I've been told and what I gathered after he and Will joined us, her neglectfulness squashed any spark of life inside her two little boys before they even had much of a chance to get started in life.