South Park X Reader One Shots

Eric Cartman: The List

"God Dammit you fucking fat ass!!! Give that back!!" You shouted as Eric Cartman stole your list of who the hottest boy is in class.  He was the top of yours. Eric was laughing maniacally through the hallways of the school. "Guys! The chicks have a list!!" He started panting as you were just about to catch him. "The chicks have a list of who's hottest in the class!" Your face heated up in anger. "Eric, seriously please give that back!" Eric spun around waving the list in front of my face, mocking me in a high pitched voice. "Eric, seriously please give that back! Shut up bitch! This is mine now!" He smirked as the guys began to crowd around him. "Lets see who's on top of (Y/n)'s list for the hottest guy in class!" He began to unfold the list as you began to scream at the top of your lungs. Not really knowing what else to do. Everyone stopped in their steps to look at you. 

The students began to part ways and made room so you can easily get through the swarm of high schoolers. "Eric, do NOT open that list." You spoke from behind him as he started to tear the envelope. "Why, I bet it's that fucking Jew Kyle or Clyde at the top of your list anyways." You grimaced. "No offense to them, but they aren't my type." The two boys gasped slightly as if they were disappointed in that answer. Eric arched his eyebrow at that. "Really? That's fucking bullshit." He started opening it more, causing your anxiety to increase. "It's not bullshit, Eric!" You stared at the list in his hands, hoping that he would just give it back and not let the curiosity take over. "(Y/n), who's at the top of your little list?" You felt your face start heating up a little bit more but this time it was due to embarrassment, not anger. "It's not important. Just give it back." You pleaded with him. Eric's eyes twinkled with something sinister. Normally you liked that look....it's just different this time. Butters chuckled coming out of seemingly nowhere and yanked the list out of Eric's gloved hand. "You are taking too long, fat ass! We wanna know." 

You gasped, then tried defending yourself. "WAIT BUTTERS!!! IT"S NOT THE REAL LIST!" The girls are going to kill you for this, but your life is at stake. You thought to yourself. Everyone looked confused. "This is just MY list for votes. Even then it doesn't even matter! The official one matters more than mine!" Bebe, Heidi, and Wendy all glared at you. You gave them an apologetic look. "I'm sorry girls...I can't take that type of rejection just yet." Wendy's face fell soft. "We understand, isn't that right?" She glanced over at the other girls in our class and they sighed but nodded. "Fellas, the real list is going to be out by the end of this week. Ladies, emergency sparkle surprise meeting pronto." You gave Eric a pissed off look, hoping that he realized that this was all his fault. 

(Eric's P.O.V)

Shit. They're pissed off at me. That wasn't what I was intending. "Way to go, fat ass! You pissed her off!" Stan punched my shoulder and I grimaced. "Don't call me a fat ass! I'm not fat!" I grumbled under my breath as I watched (Y/n) fade in the distance. Maybe I took it a little too far this time? I know they can be sensitive but for the most part they're just like one of us. "Did I just ruin my chance?" I looked over at Stan. He shrugged in response. "Only one way to find out, Stupid." He nodded his head over as if to silently say 'follow me' then made his way to an old room that hasn't been used in years. At least to my knowledge. "The Sparkle Surprise court orders (Y/n) to the front." A couple seconds had passed and they cleared their throat. "Guys, I really am sorry. I just couldn't let him know yet." Bebe spoke up right after. "Well, now you have no other choice. Because you decided to spill the beans on our secret, you now are on punishment. Either you tell him that you like him or you're out of the group and are going to be ignored forever." A collective gasp came from all the girls. (Y/n) started stammering over their words. "F-forever, come on isn't that a little bit excessive? What if you were in my place and weren't ready to tell somebody you liked them?" they tried fighting for themselves. Bebe slammed a hammer down on a stand. "Silence. Sparkle Surprise court hath spoken. You are all dismissed." I grabbed Stan's arm and dragged him down the hall before the girls spilled out of the door.