Ateez One Shots

Blue

Note & Warning: I'm trying something different here.

*Trigger warning* for those who don't like a focus on depression and related behaviors/experiences. Not sure how this will be received, but it is heavily based on personal experience, with Mingi and Jongho as stand-ins.

. . . . . . . . . .

Jongho broke. He ended the call and threw his phone to the floor. In the darkened room, he lay down on his bed and cried silently. His silent crying made him angry because it didn't seem to truly express the sadness he felt. If he couldn't cry for real, was he truly sad? His mind told him he was sad, even though he didn't know why. The feeling of despair was a crushing weight in his mind.

Hot, angry tears streamed from his eyes to soak his pillow. Jongho's mind was a torrent of uncontrollable thoughts and emotions. He failed to find anything that would ground him; something to see him through this mental turmoil. As the tears continued, Jongho closed his eyes and waited for mental and emotional exhaustion to put him to sleep.

---

It had been a long day of work and school for Mingi. He couldn't wait to be done with class and pass out in his apartment. He was barely managing to stay awake through this lecture hall. He'd even had to stay late at work, forcing Mingi to cancel with Jongho again.

Mingi felt bad that he didn't seem to have the time for his friend lately. It was just a busy season in his life. Once class was finally over by 10 pm, Mingi checked his phone and saw he had a voice-mail from Jongho.

"Hey, it's me," Jongho said in the message. "Um... I want to ask you something." Jongho paused here, and Mingi could hear him take a deep breath.

"I haven't known you that long really, but if I need something, can I come to you? Just... get back to me if you think of it. Bye."

---

Jongho struggled to wake up in the morning. If he let his mind win, he would stay in bed all day. But he worked today and needed the money.

The insides of Jongho's forearms burned when water ran down the raw, damaged skin in the shower. He was aware of the pain but welcomed it. The ability to feel something through his mental numbness meant he was still alive.

Jongho chose a long sleeved shirt and headed off to the campus store for his shift. He was dreading it because time always seemed to creep along when he was working, allowing him to drown in his thoughts. He was pretty sure Yeosang was working, too, though, and that made him a little less apprehensive.

Part of Jongho hoped he would hear from Mingi at some point today. He was nervous each time he checked his phone, curious what sort of response Mingi would have, if any at all.

---

Mingi sipped his coffee. He had claimed a small table in the back corner of the coffee shop. He'd left Jongho a voice-mail and sent him a text saying he'd be here and for how long. But Jongho hadn't bothered to respond. Mingi was patient, but he still had other things to do. It'd been an hour already with no sign or word from Jongho.

Mingi stood, gathered his belongings into his bag, and headed for the door. The place was packed, and he had parked in the back of the lot. As he settled into the driver seat, he began pulling the door closed and heard his name right as it shut.

Reopening the door, Mingi looked around and saw Jongho heading in his direction. Mingi got back out of his car to greet him.

"Hey, buddy," Mingi said, hugging Jongho with one arm. "I called and texted you."

"Sorry," Jongho said. "I was going to be here when you got here, but I got nervous and almost didn't come at all."

"It's alright," Mingi replied. "I'm glad you're here now. I'm heading back to my place. Do you want me to drop you off at your dorm? We can talk on the way."