Barnaby the Wanderer

Chapter 14: Ba'al Bogramoth Holds a Tea Party

Frogs are dull. I like mice. Mice are warm and quick and furry. Fur is fascinating. Whiskers too. So fascinating! Plenty of frogs in the liquid. No mice. Have to grab them fast from the gaseous. Have to play with them in the gaseous. Not in the liquid. Can't squeeze mice. Can't show too many dimensions or little squeaky minds go 'pop'.

Frogs... you can show frogs things. They're solid. But so dull! Cold and wet and stupid. Like litter spawn that never went past larval stage. Mice are better. Mice are nice.

Blood summoned us from the liquid the two-legs call 'Lethe'. We squiggled along their little dimensions of forward, sideways and upwards, into the gaseous. I saw fire, felt warm things dying. Blood calling us, we hurried. Past trees. Bah. Dull things, trees.

My nest mates grabbed what they found, dragging them squirming and screaming back into the liquid. Greedy things, nest mates. I looked for mice. Caught a bat with a tentacle.

"Hello," I told it. It squeaked. Bats look like mice but are not fun like mice. I ate it, looked around. A two-leg lay half in the fire. I picked him up.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Ba'al Bogramoth." He didn't answer. He was burned and his throat cut. I propped him up with tentacle eight. Making his head waggle to show he talked.

"Hi, Ba'al Bogramoth! I'm Mister Burned Man. Let's be friends!"

"That is good idea, Mr. Burned Man. Let's find more friends."

I found a four legs all cold. I dragged it near the fire, set it next to Mister Burned Man. Jiggling the long head with tentacle twelve.

"Hello, Ba'al Bogramoth! I am Meat-with-fur. Do you like my fur?"

"I do like your fur, Meat-with-fur. Do you like it, Mr. Burned Man?"

Mr. Burned man said he liked the fur because it was like mice fur. We were getting along fine. I reached for more bats, and more friends. A two-legs hid behind a tree, still squiggling and gas breathing. I brought him close to join us.

I jiggled Mr. Burned Man, making him wave in welcome.

"Hi! I am Mr. Burned Man. What is your name?"

"Help me," said the newcomer. I jiggled the four-legs' to show how happy he was.

"Hello, Mr. Help-me. I am Mr. Meat-with-fur. Will you be our friend?"

"Please," said Mr. Help-Me.

I brought another of the two legs to our circle. She lacked a head. But I wiggled her with tentacle seven, showing she too was excited.

"I don't have a head but I am very happy to be friends," I had her say.

"Hi, No-head! I am Mr. Burned Man. Do you like mice?"

"Oh, yes I do, Mr. Burned Man. I like mice fine."

"Help me."

"Let's all eat our bats," I had Meat-with-fur say. "Dig in!"

"No, no, Meat-with-fur," I said, rapping him with tentacle eleven, which hurts. "Remember our manners."

"Oh, yes, Ba'al Bogramoth. You are right. Let us say thank-you's first."

"Bow heads, all." No-head did not, but I made her sort of bend. Mr. Help-me did bow head not till I rapped him with tentacle ten, which does not hurt. Not much.

So we all bowed our heads and chanted.

"Saint Cthulhu, bless this feast,

Cxaxukluth, bless each beast.

And crawling Nargalothetep take the least."

Then we dug into our bats.

"I like bats because they are like mice," No-Head said. "But I like mice better."

"Mr. Help-me likes mice too," I told the others. "We all like mice. Don't we, Meat-with-fur?"

"Yes, Ba'al Bogramoth. But I don't think Mr. Help-me really likes mice."

This was getting interesting. I wiggled tentacle seven, so that Miss No-head said, "Are you sure, Meat-with-fur?"

Meat-with-fur nodded sadly.

We all turned to Mr. Help-me. He wiggled, though I did not wiggle him. That was Mr. Help-me wiggling himself. He made noises.

"No, I don't like mice," he said.

We all went quiet.

"That makes me sad to hear, Mr. Help-me," said No-head.

"Me, too," agreed Meat-with-fur.

"I don't think Mr. Help-me is our friend," said Burned Man.

"I don't care!" shouted Help-me. He wiggled out my grasp and ran for the trees. I don't know why. Trees are dull. I grabbed him and brought him back and sat him down again. Then I ate him up.

For a while we all sat silent, excepting Mr. Help-me, who wiggled in gullet six, the way they do when you swallow them whole.

"This has been a very nice time, I told my friends."

Mr. Burned-man agreed. Mr. Meat-with-fur agreed. Miss No-head agreed. It had been a very nice party.

I went back to the liquid of the Lethe and my nest mates. I could feel Mr. Help-me squiggling within, the way they do. I wondered if I ate a few mice, whether they would all get along in gullet six? He might come to like mice.

I mean, mice are just nice.