Barnaby the Wanderer

Chapter 4: Why Would I Eat A Fly?

Jewel

It's about family, Perry. There are the folk you matter to, and the folk you don't. And when others matter to you, why then they are family.

Yes, of course you are family. No, not just to me! The others are all very fond of you. You were so brave on the directable. I think Val's harp was jealous. And what can Barnaby's cat or ghost do? Just talk and grumble. But you were quite wonderful.

Thelxipea sings? What of that? No, I don't think you need to learn to sing. Are you teasing me?

When we woke and breakfasted and said to one another, 'now it begins', I didn't want to take the stairs downward. There was no light. The stones were cold. Gave shivers to touch the walls. And last night all those awful creatures went that very same way. Why follow them?

But everyone except me and Matilda voted to go downwards. Even Cedric. Don't tell, Perry. But sometimes our Cedric gets a black mood inside him. He wants to give up life's worries, go be a spooky scholar in a tomb library. Why? Well, being alive hurts. Any kitchen girl knows that. Probably knows more than a bookish cleric. Don't tell him I said that.

Even lying with me, poor Cedric's head is too full of thoughts. Not anger or hate or anything sensible. Just, well, thoughts. No, it doesn't make sense to me either.

Anyway, it was brave of you to go first down the stairs, looking for traps. Were you scared?

Scared for me? That's so sweet! But no need. I've learned quite a lot since I left Stonecroft with a cat-scratched face. And I have friends now. Yes, you, too, silly spider.

So: the map told us the stairs went down to a big round room with three doors. Yes, exactly what you told us you saw. But it made us feel better about following the map, knowing it wasn't making things up.

No, we still needed Cedric to make that light with his staff. Bodkin and Matilda used up half our lamp oil. You know very well we can't see in the dark like you. Well, I like having just two eyes. No, your eye clusters are all quite pretty. Like tiny blue jewels. Yes, I'm a jewel. You're teasing again.

Oh, we knew which door to open because the map had skulls over the first two doors. What is a skull? A kind of bone inside our heads. No, people heads. Spiders don't have them, I guess. But skulls on the map meant danger. So that's why we didn't open the first two doors. For sure something nasty waited behind them.

And so, you our brave friend went right through the third door and down the stairs like a very brave spider. And we followed you to that room with all the boxes that idiot Bodkin wanted to open but the map skulls warned were traps.

No, I like Bodkin. He makes me laugh. But he's trouble, no point denying it. He's one of those people that the mischief just bubbles up inside every so often. And then watch out, 'cause they're going to do something mad. That's why he opened that box.

Yes, it was a nasty fight. No, they weren't people. Not exactly. A vampire is a kind of blood sucking human. Well, yes, I suppose that makes them like a spider. They are very strong and fast, and the older ones can't be killed except by strong orisons or a major relic.

No, I don't think you could have talked to them. Perry, they weren't nice. You saw how the first one grabbed Bodkin by the throat. Matilda's arrows and Val's knife just sort of went through it. Cedric's staff hurt it, or it would have throttled the boy. Then sucked him dry as a fly. Do you eat flies? Really? No, I will not try one. Are you teasing again?

Yes, I was slow to help. It's hard for me to talk to you and summon Hecatatia's Violets. Then I decided her Bind the Dead oration would serve better, and wouldn't burn a friend. By the time I was ready the second vampire was out of their box and had Val by the throat. But that bard's very tough. Gouged its eyes with her thumbs. Then I bound it. Yes, yes, two eyes are not as good as a thousand. You've made your point.

Then Barnaby cut their heads off. That axe is scary. No, Barnaby isn't scary. That's crazy. Barnaby's so nice he's simple-minded. What? Why is that scary?

I suppose I see what you mean. Things do happen around him, while he just smiles like a lamb that doesn't know what's for dinner. Yes, I've eaten lamb. No, that is not worse than flies!

Pretty obvious that the saints are leading Barnaby around like a lamb. And maybe this tower is the kitchen. You think they will eat him up? Could be. Well, they'll eat us up too, then. No help for that. It's about family, Perry.