Gloom Boy

Chapter 3

⚠️This chapter has language that is offensive to those of the disabled nature, if that upsets you please skip it⚠️

Lunch or whatever they call it here is over and we are all instructed to head to an outdoor area, the area is fenced up...I mean this feels more like a prison rather than an asylum for the mentally ill. I feel like I'd go even more insane being here.

"Hey Abraham over here!" Someone shouts out "You Lincoln I'm talking to you Lincoln!" I follow the sound of the voice and it's none other than Josh and his little posse.

"Don't you think it's better to spend time with friends rather than being alone?" Josh says as he wraps his arm around one of the girls pulling her in for a kiss, I assume that's his girlfriend... hopefully.

"No Josh, not really."

I catch a couple of annoyed glares from the group, and whispers but are any of us truly in the right to judge when we're all at a mental asylum? Clearly something is wrong with us... leaning more towards them rather than me. I would say I'm perfectly sane, and besides I haven't attempted in over 8 months! I don't think I deserve to be here. They act like I attempted and succeeded, I mean I would have...I would have.

"Well that's a bummer, why are you like that?"

"Like what?"

"You act so stuck up, like we're some sort of freaks. You do know you're here too Lincoln."

"I don't act stuck up, I just simply think what I did doesn't deserve me being here. And excuse me for not immediately making friends with a bunch of mentally ill."

Now even Josh was glaring at me, a wave of annoyance flashed over everyone's face as they all looked me up and down, one boy in particular looked especially mad...for what? I don't know..

"Listen Lincoln was it? There's nothing wrong with us, it's people like you who comes in here spewing bullshit you don't know about us, you're always ready to judge but never ready to put yourself in our shoes. You are a fucking stuck up and it's showing so bad right now!"

Some girl said out of the group, I mean I couldn't help but feel bad. They all had their own stories their own life's and here I was belittling them, and for what? That was a pretty dick move I did here .. especially since all they did was try and make me feel welcome. I couldn't respond after the girl said that, because I knew if I did it would grant her the satisfaction of knowing she's right. And a part of me couldn't stand that.

They all eventually walked off leaving me alone, alone all by myself...and I was the only one to blame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the dorm even Josh wasn't talking to me, I really fucked up didn't I? When I open the door to the room all he did was glance up and back down minding his own business, ugh the guilt shouldn't be getting to me this bad! I mean I did what I had to, I don't want friends who are associated with this dark time of my life. I take out my diary...you know what? Let's call it a journal, cause diary sounds stupid. I took out my journal, and just wrote down what came to my mind. But all I could think about was what happened earlier, and it was killing me! I had to apologize but I couldn't! It would hurt my already bruised pride.

I sat there for another 10 minutes fighting the urge apologize, but is it really going to hurt me that much to admit I was wrong? YES! YES IT
WOULD!

"Hey, um Josh..are you awake?"

STOP IT CLOSE YOUR DAMN MOUTH!

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to -"

NO DON'T DO IT!

"To..."

PLEASE THINK ABOUT THIS!

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior outside today..."

You dirty bitch, you giver, you filthy manwhore... you're pride, your pride is non existent now. Dirty slut....

"It was wrong of me to assume the worst of you guys, especially since you've been nothing but welcoming since I've got here. But it's because I'm used to people judging me, for me. And honestly? It was wrong me for to refer to y'all as 'mentally ill' that's just how I saw it in that moment. I don't want to think about why I'm here even though I probably know why...and I just wanted to try and difference myself from what is reality, that is I am a mentally ill person and need mental help. But all of this doesn't exclude the way I have behaved today, and if I get another chance -"

"It's okay Lincoln, we all have some problems here. And trust me, you're not the only one who hates it here and tries to pretend that this isn't another chapter of their life. But I don't think I'm the only one you should apologize to...."

~~~~~~~~~~
And you see where you and that fat mouth gets you Lincoln? Standing in front of a table of kids that no doubt hates you, giving that same stupid speech to them. Next time, let your pride get the best of you...cause honestly? These freaks are not worth it.

"Are we supposed to accept that sob story you gave us?"

SEE! I knew it...but jeez at least be happy I apologized.

"Yeah, you were really rude to us for no reason..."

"Honestly I don't like you, you stuck up brat."

Am I feeling a little disrespected right now? Yeah... should I speak up? Yeah...are they taking this shit WAY to far? YES! But I'm wrong if I spoke up, no I'm not. It's just the fact that I can't fight, and that boy over there has been looking at me kind of aggressively, not going to lie. But is that going to stop me? NO!

"Well actually I felt bad about what I said yesterday, but after hearing your comments about it I take back all I said. Yeah you're a bunch of fucking freaks, and mentally ill fucks. Why do you think you're here? You didn't like me since I set foot in here so what's new? For y'all to act this way is baffling. And all over my attitude yesterday? You act like you were just SOO happy the first time you got put in a mental asylum, so excuse me for feeling some kind of way. You bunch of sick deranged freaks.."

Yeah, that last bit was excessive...a little TOO excessive, cause that boy I said was eyeing me aggressively...yeah he was standing up and approaching me. And don't get me started on the girls they were yelling profanity at me...some words I didn't even know existed.