Alesha Dixon

Amanda's Advice

Amanda's POV

"Amanda, I..." Alesha began hesitantly. "Do you, do you think that I'm a horrible person?"

"What? No!" I answered angrily. "What makes you say that? You aren't a horrible person at all! In fact you're the opposite!" 

Alesha looked away. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. I immediately regretted my outburst. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry Alesha," I murmured, leaning forward and placing my hand gently over hers. "I didn't mean to upset you..." 

Alesha turned her palm upwards so her hand gripped mine. "No, no it's fine, I, I, just..." The tears spilled onto her cheeks. She wiped them away with her other hand. "I don't know..."

My voice was quiet now as I squeezed her hand. "But what made you ask if you were a horrible person, darling? You're definitely a good person."

"Good people don't ignore their fathers," Alesha whispered, but the words carried through the room.

I was shocked. "Alesha," I murmured. "You aren't flawless, but you're a good person. Just because you ignore your father doesn't mean you're a horrible person."

"But now that I know that Dad's sick, I still can't bring myself to call him!" Alesha wailed, more tears rolling down my cheeks. "I want to repair my relationship with him, but I just can't bring myself to reach out to him!"

I tightened my grip on her hand and pulled her into a hug. I rubbed her back as she buried her face in my shoulder. "Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay, Lightning Girl..." I murmured, using my nickname for her. "I'm here for you."

I could tell Alesha was sobbing quietly now as her shoulders shook. "Th-thanks, M-mandy...." she hiccuped. Her face was still buried in my shoulder so her voice muffled. 

My arms were wrapped tightly around Alesha's waist as I pulled her closer to me to comfort her. We stayed like this for a few minutes.

At last, Alesha pulled away and gave me a watery smile. "Sorry for being such a wreck," she apologised, a slight tremble in her voice.

"It's fine," I insisted. "Everyone needs an ugly cry once in a while."

Alesha smiled. "I guess..."

I returned her smile. "But, er, can I add my opinion?" I asked uncertainly.

Alesha nodded. "Yea."

"I think you should go home for a while, take the time to mend your relationship with your dad before his condition gets worse."

"But my brothers hate me for cutting ties with them and Dad. I don't think I'm welcome there," Alesha murmured. I didn't know how to respond to that, so an awkward silence hung in the air.

"Do you know why I cut ties with Dad?" Alesha asked, not looking at me.

"Didn't you two argue over whether Harvey was suited for you?" I inquired.

"Yes, that contributed to my actions, but there's something else..."

Alesha took a deep breath.

"Mum and Dad shared custody of me when they divorced, so every weekend, I went over to Dad's house. Every time I did, Dad would greet me, but I could sense his mind was always somewhere else. Distracted.

"A few years after their divorce, Dad married this woman, named Catherine Gamble. Honestly, she was nice, really, really nice, but, I still disliked the fact that he married her. After all, who likes their father to marry someone other than their mother.

"They three children together, two more children than he and mom had together. It hurt slightly. It made me feel as if I was an accident child. The child whose parents' marriage was just a fling. But Dad was happy, and I guess that was all that mattered, and I'd gained a sister. Leyanne and I were thick as thieves. We two stuck together against our brothers – Jeroam and Callum.

"But as time passed, Dad had a hard time dividing his attention between the four of us. He had children from two different mothers - my mum, and Catherine. Leyanne, Jeroam and Callum were the children he had with the woman he seemed to have genuinely loved. On the other hand, I was the child of the woman he'd divorced. I decided to let my half-siblings have him in the end. It wasn't Dad's fault I drifted away. It was mine. I disconnected myself so wouldn't have to choose, but that just ruined our relationship. You have no idea what neglect from a parent does to a kid, Amanda.

"Then, during my Mis-teeq years, I started to date the MC, Harvey. When I introduced him to Dad, the latter fiercely disapproved  of my choice. He disliked the way Harvey talked to him, I guess, and said Harvey was not the right man for me. I talked back to him, all the anger of my childhood years churning within me, and he slapped me. I guess he was upset with me, and how I'd pushed him away. SInce then, I cut ties with him.

" So I married Harvey in the end, but when I caught him cheating on me with one of my friends, my whole world crashed. Dad was right. Harvey had betrayed my trust. It hurt. I had broke off my relationship with Dad just for him, and he had cheated on me. But what upset me most wasn't the fact that Harvey had cheated on me or the fact that I'd broken off my relationship with Dad over a small reason; it was the fact that I was too cowardly to admit my mistake and repair the broken relationship I had with Dad, and so, I upheld my front and ploughed forward. Only Leyanne reached out to me to see if I was okay, and for her, I'm so grateful."

Alesha finished her story.  "So you see Amanda, I can't do it..."

I wasn't sure what to say. Anything could set Alesha off in her fragile emotional state, so I chose my words carefully. "You should go see your dad, Alesha. He'd be happy to see you, I'm sure."

"How would you know?" Alesha asked, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Because your still his daughter, and he's still your father. No matter how broken your relationship really is, it's still there. Besides, a parent will always love their child no matter what. This I can assure you. After all, I've children of my own," I answered gently.

Alesha looked up at me. I could see there were tears gathering slowly in her eyes. She quickly leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my neck. I reciprocated swiftly, placing my arms around her waist. 

As Alesha shuffled closer to me, I moved a hand from her waist to the back of her head, stroking her hair comfortingly. Her shoulders were shaking again as she, once more, sobbed quietly. "Thank you, 'Manda..." she murmured.

"Do you want me to be with you when you talk with the producers about temporary leave of absence?" I asked quietly.

"N-no... I can do that by myself..." Alesha replied, her voice still shaky. "Can you stay with me for a while?"

"Mm hm," I consented as I pulled her closer to me. 

"Thanks..." she whispered. 

We stayed in our hug for a few minutes before Alesha drifted off to sleep at last. Lightly, I removed her from my arms and placed her back into the bed. I grabbed the blanket and covered her with it. Her eyes were shut tight as she slept peacefully. She must've been exhausted from all the crying and from the fever.