"Ellie, hey." I looked up from my phone and saw Ryan grinning down at me.
"Hey, lover boy." He snorted and sat down across the table. He started rapping his fingers on the table.
"What's up." I spoke again, and returned my focus back on the file I was reading.
"Not much. What're you doing?"
"I'm reading. A book. For finals."
"Are you free tomorrow? It's Saturday, let's hang out." He reached out for my wrist and tugged my arm. "We barely hang out since forever, you know?"
Right. Of course, we barely hang out. Thanks to Mandy I barely have a best friend.
"Are you really asking me that?"
"Yes? I guess I have to." He frowned, confused at my sudden question.
I looked at his eyes and found confusion. His eyes are green but they turn into a dark shade of gray and sometimes brown when he's wary or confused. But when he's happy it's always green and bright and they sparkle when he smiles and when he laughs they disappear which only makes his lashes longer and prettier. And I haven't seen much of that since he's been with her girlfriend, Mandy, for I don't know, weeks.
"What did I do wrong now?" I snapped out of my stupor and realized I'm holding my phone too tight, and Ryan is staring at me.
"Nothing. I'm sorry, I'm just tired." Putting my phone down, I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the sting in my eyes as I held back tears. I blinked fast and mustered up a smile at him, which I guess looked crooked and animated.
"Hey, hey El. What's wrong?" He stood up and sat beside me.
Oh no, please don't.
"Please tell me what's wrong." I looked at him and felt my tears welling up. God I can't take this. His eyes searched my face and his hands held mine tightly. He willed me to face him and I did. Our knees touched and our faces were close and I know that he sensed that I was sad. But what he did not know is what I felt for him.
We've been friends since I walked up to him in the mall and started a conversation. He was alone and I knew he was in the same highschool that I go to and he's very interesting. That's not because he is good looking though, but he's smart. Not entirely straight A's smart, but witty smart. We were thirteen and open, never awkward but decent, and we've been best friends the day after.
Our relationship was just like the other pairs of best friends, I guess, we have other people we go with and we don't see each other all the time, but we are like soul mates. We're just like twins, feelings intertwined and somehow connected.
That was when we were in highschool, and then college happened.
Girls chased him and boys sort of took interest in me. Not that it didn't happen in high school but we were naïve, we didn't have any serious relationships with others, only safe flirting and that was all. Now we're more aware, and it made me selfish and I was afraid to lose him. I was afraid to lose him from all these girls getting his attention, they were smart, which made it more interesting for him.
I just stared at him longingly and did not bother say anything. I felt his thumbs caress my palms, his way of calming me down which always worked to ease my nerves. This time he kissed my hands.
That's when the tears fell. And I all I could do was cry, my chest heaving with every breath and every suppressed feelings I have for my best friend.
"Ellie, please look at me." Ryan took my face in his hands and I scooted closer. I did not mind some of the students milling around us and their obvious stares, what matters is Ryan is here and I know he's for me, although I know not entirely.
"Ryan..." I started, not sure of what to say but this is all I could do, say his name and wish for him and love him.
I'm such a hopeless wreck. I love my best friend and he loves somebody else. A classic unrequited love story, a classic heartbreak.
"Yes? Ellie, tell me what's wrong. I know you're not just tired, there's something you're not telling me. You've been distant lately, and I'm not sure why. Did I say something? Please." He exhaled, leaning back to inspect the mess that I am.
"No..." I know I can't tell him what I feel. I just can't be selfish and straight up confess that I love him. He's not mine. I've thought of it and I've contemplated in telling him the truth that I love him and I've always played scenes in my head but I just know that we are not for each other.
We may be soul mates but sometimes love don't work the way we want it to.
We sat for a few more seconds like that and then he whispered. "I love you, El."
My heart stopped for a second, and immediately banged against my rib cage, almost knocking out my breath.
"What?" Did he just say he loves me?
"Ellie, I love you. You're my best friend. The only one." He gave me a small smile. "Here," he pulled out a handkerchief from his jeans and wiped my face. "I always tell you that I don't want to see you cry, El, but you know I'm here to wipe your eyes when you do. Always."
Oh. I already stopped crying but I didn't feel any better.
"Mandy." I sniffed. "She's all you ever want, right?" I couldn't help but ask. I didn't dare look at him, afraid that the tears may well up again.
"She's... exceptional." He paused. "I really like her."
And I am not exceptional and you don't like me.
"I know that."
"Okay, now please, what's the matter? Why did you so suddenly cried your heart out?"
"Nothing, Ry, I just had so many things on my hands lately and the pressure is building up. I just needed to vent." I lied. I pulled my hands from his grasp.
"Oh, tell me how I can help you then. How about tomorrow? I'll go to your place." He helped me gather up my bag and handed it to me. "That way we can still hang out and at the same time, get our schoolworks done. We've done that before right? It'll be fun."
His eyes are now drifting from gray to green, slowly but with the same spark that he has when he's happy. The afternoon sun started peeking through the trees as it dipped down behind the distant mountains and illuminated his face as he studied mine. His hair somewhat glistened, I don't even know how is that possible but it does shine and I almost run my hands through it.
"Thank you. We should do that." I said. We started walking home, the soft, cool breeze helping me collect myself. "We're best friends after all."
A/N
Please tell me it's not crap, but please forgive me that it's not that great. I hope I get better at this. This is just day one after all! Thanks so much for reading!
