dog sitters // C.H. (on hiatus)

(three) wank bank

Calum lets go of his dogs' leashes and all five of them pounce on Michael and smother him with licks and kisses, excited to see him. Michael lets out a high-pitched scream that pleases Calum: Michael absolutely hates dogs and Calum knows that. But if Michael is going to live with Calum, he'd better get used to it, right?

It is Saturday, four days since Calum's friends cum neighbours had staged an intervention for his 'obsession' with dogs. Four days since he told Michael he'd consider letting that twenty-eight year old man-child move in with him. Also four days since Calum decided that he'd take Michael in; he just couldn't say no to his friend of almost twenty years.

"You weren't supposed to move in until next Saturday, Michael, what are you doing here?" Calum asks Michael, who is now standing as still as possible, hoping that Calum's dogs would soon stop. Calum unlocks his apartment and the five canines sprint in; Michael and Calum soon forgotten.

"Thanks for saving me from my death. Although I'd rather be clawed to death by cats than dogs." Michael is a cat person. "And also, Stella kicked me out just now. Like, for real. So I left with my things and came here because you said you'd let me stay here! I'm just a week early, that's all."

Calum rolls his eyes and asks the next question; even though he already knows that the answer would be about how Michael made an extremely douchebag move. "And why did Stella kick you out?"

They both enter the apartment and shut the door, leaving Michael's belongings at the doorway and walk to the living area. "Because I told her to 'make me a sandwich, bitch'," Michael murmurs, not looking at Calum in the eye.

"Why are you such an asshole, Michael?"

"I just thought it was funny at that time!"

"And look where that landed you?"

"Whatever, Calum. It's not like I can do anything about it now. She doesn't want me anymore." Michael flops down on the couch and reached for the remote control to switch on the television but Calum beats him to it; slapping his hand away.

"OW! Why'd you hit me?" Michael rubs his usually baby pink hands, which has now turned a bright red.

"For being so dumb, and also because I want you to listen up. If you're going to live with me, we are going to have several ground rules, because you're Michael and you need rules or this house would be a disaster." Calum says as he settles into a couch adjacent to Michael.

"Shoot!" Michael rolls his eyes, wondering if he should have just went to live with his parents instead.

"Okay, listen up because this is a pretty long list and it might be subject to changes depending on your behaviour."

"One," they both sit up straight, "we are going to split the bills and rent by half. That should go without saying but I'm just telling you. Grocery bills, our rent, cable bills, electricity bills and such."

"Two, you're not allowed to watch porn on this TV" Calum points to the television in front of them. "And please don't blast porn in your room either; there are kids in other apartments."

"Three, you're not allowed to buy a dishwasher; we will wash all our dishes by ourselves and don't you dare leave dirty dishes in the sink, Michael." Michael grunts; he hates every household chore, but he hates washing dishes the most.

"Four, you're not allowed to bring cats back into this house because my dogs don't like cats."

"But Caluuuuuuum, I love cats!" Michael pouts, but Calum only ignores him and instead pets Roman, who has found his way into his lap.