Be Us Against The World (or so I thought)- A bokuaka angst story

Chapter 15- hold on for me

The team had a practice match against Nekoma to start the new school week and as the first match of volleyball for both schools in the new year. Nekoma visiting meant their captain was always a bit more hyped up as he got to see his third-year best friend, Kuroo. The two schools met up and had some time to talk and socialise do the greeting before the match and play one set. Fukurodani was the winner of that one, so it was on to set two.

This is where it all went downhill, The owls started with Akaashi as their server which worked well and got the game going, halfway through it was 11-12  to Nekoma and the setter for the owls was slowly drifting in and out. It started with one messed up Set, which Bokuto managed to recover and kept a proud smile knowing he'd regret this comment.

"AKAAAASSSHHHHIIIIII, I FIXED THE SET FOR YOUUUUU"

Akaashi nodded proudly before speaking "well done Bokuto, I'm sorry it wasn't to your liking I'll get it how you like it next time"

"Okay, Akaashi! That's helpful! I really want to win!"

The game continued, Fukurodani' s manager forcing the team to take a time out to check on the setter. She noticed the boy had bags under his eyes, was barely staying awake and looked burnt out. Yet he ignored her recommendations to sit out and continue managing to pull through but not enough. Nekoma won the second set, the two teams took a small Social time break to catch their breath before they had a final deciding point set.

After their break they started again Nekoma bring the first to serve, having Yamamoto do this. And so, the game began, Bokuto kept a close eye on Akaashi seeing the setter was quieter than usual but just assumed he was working internally more to get the ball to the correct position for every player. What the team couldn't see was what their setter was thinking how he was beating himself up over a single mistake... blaming that mistake for being the reason they lost the second set.

The game had ended Nekoma took the win. The teams had another break together before the cats had to head back.

"UGHH I WANTED TO WIN!!!!" Bokuto called across to his team, they all talked about how they could improve. Except Akaashi, he stood to the side, drowning in dread. His thoughts eating him ''if I only I made that set, I shouldn't have done the setter dumb at that time. I can't make anyone proud.'

Akaashi had left early for "family coming over". He didn't he just wanted a valid excuse to leave, feeling guilty for leaving already and knowing he'd feel even more guilty if he told the team he wanted to leave "because he couldn't face them. He was the reason they lost the game" and that had lowered his self-confidence, made his anxiety and fear of failure worse. His need for validation screaming at him. Intrusive thoughts were In his head banging pots and pans screaming "you fucked up" "selfish idiot" and "they would have won if it weren't for you."

He had enough. His parents didn't care he was overworked, the team could replace him and Bokuto. Well, Bokuto has another best friend so it would hurt right? Akaashi shook his head at the thoughts. He couldn't- he could. He shouldn't be their correct phrase, yet it seemed so tempting.

The setter got home and unlocked his door, he walked in ignoring his parents knowing they'd tell him off since he got a B in one subject. Their straight-A kid got a B. Yet they just tutted at him.

"Keiji your father and I are going on holiday for a bit. If you need anything your grandmother is around to call just don't bother us"

Keiji nodded at them forcing out a 'yes mum.'

He watched them grab their suitcases and leave the house, he waited till the car had left the road before going up to his room, he stopped by the door before changing his mind and went to the bathroom that was his own. He searched through his drawers and finally found them. His blade. He held it and looked at it with shaky hands, about to put it down muttering 'we promised Bokuto we'd stop-" before catching a glimpse in the mirror. He didn't see himself, no he saw a boy who and failed a match for his team, disappointed his family. A boy who deserved nothing. He was a waste of space. The world be better off if he never stepped into it. He sighed muttering again a few won't hurt, he won't know.

He held the blade with a firm hand, staring at it. His decision was made, he placed it against his arm. Hesitating before pressing it down into his skin.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Only a few more.

He sliced a few more times on his arms, putting the blade away where he hid it after cleaning it. He sighed going to grab the first aid kit he kept in the bathroom in case this ever happened feeling a faint spell come over himself. he repeated to himself under his breath "no" whilst holding the sink for support her hr wasn't enough.

everything had hit him fatigue, burnout, stress, and now slight blood loss. Losing consciousness, the setter fainted on the ground. In silence with no one there to help or notice he was unconscious, blood spilling from his arms as he lay there.

Bokuto had gone around to see his friend after hanging out with Kuroo even if he was on the other side of town, he was determined to see Akaashi. He got to his friend's house seeing the door was open so let himself in. Calling out and getting no response so looked around.

"AKAAASSHIIIIIII"

"AGGGGHHHAAAAASSSHHHHIIIIIII"

"AAKKKKKKAAAASSHHHIIIIIIII"

That was when he saw it, he opened the bathroom door since it was open, his setter on the floor, passed our red all over his arms. Bokuto scrambled over and carefully moved Akaashi to see his face.

"Akaashi? Akaashi are you okay? Please-"

Noticing he wasn't getting a response, and in full panic mode, Bokuto lifted the boy grabbing a random towel to apply pressure to the wounds trying to stay calm. He rushed down to the hospital as fast as he could whispering to the setter in case, he woke up.

"It's okay Akaashi, I got you. You're safe. I'm not mad about the wounds, I should have known you weren't okay. I'm sorry Akaashi. I'll get your help, I'll help you! Please- don't go yet I need you Akaashi."

Bokuto got into the hospital being calmed down by a nurse as some others took Akaashi away to sort him. The owl-looking boy wouldn't settle, he couldn't normally he was full of energy and restless due to excitement, but he was restless now because his best friend, his crush, the only boy he ever wanted was in the hospital and who knew how he'd be?

An hour later Bokuto was allowed to visit Akaashi he held a brave smile for the boy wanting to cry at the sight, Akaashi was still asleep, his heart monitor beeping away. Bokuto say down in a chair next to Akaashi on the side he was facing, carefully brushing some hair out of his face.

"Hold on please- I don't want to be selfish Akaashi but I need you. Hold on for me"