Be Us Against The World (or so I thought)- A bokuaka angst story

Chapter 18- its not true! Please its not true!

Bokuto arrived home, he immediately went to his room and sat down on his bed. He opened his phone, his eyes welling up as he saw his lock screen saver was Akaashi. It was the photo he took when they went to the rescue centre and Akaashi was sat with a golden retriever who had been abandoned by his family since he wasn't good enough. Bokuto could tell the two had a connection immediately and he offered to help Akaashi adopt the dog. Akaashi's face lit up so much during that day, Bokuto couldn't say no and so he helped to organise everything. They ended up getting the dog, Akaashi's parents agreed to let him have the dog live with them.

Bokuto held a hand over his mouth shutting the phone remembering all the memories, he turned himself over. He still couldn't feel anything, he felt empty. He stared at the wall trying to process everything. He knew he'd have return to the hospital the next day to collect everything. He didn't want to but he knew he'd have to, since Keiji's parents were still on holiday he was the next person who was responsible for the boy since he had no other close family.

He still couldn't believe what had happened that day. He didn't want to. Not in the mood for anything anymore. Bokuto grabbed some pillows and a blanket curling himself open them allowing the tears to follow as he stared into space hoping to fall asleep at some point.

He couldn't, he just lay awake in a pool of his emotions. His heart shattering as he sat with his brain working overtime, blaming himself.

If only he got there sooner.

If only he had noticed.

If only he had checked in more often.

If only he had ensured Akaashi was looking after himself.

If only he had confessed sooner, maybe just maybe they would have started to feel more like a couple. Yes, they did things as a couple but they still weren't used to calling each other boyfriends. They still had so much they could have done together. If only they had more time. If only.

Bokuto sniffled to himself, he grabbed his phone again as it started to ring. He saw Kuroo was calling and declined the call opening his messages to read through all the previous texts with Akaashi. He felt the tears bubble to the surface again and lay on his back letting them fall down the side of his face and stared at the wall. He wiped his face and stood up, grabbing his phone and earphones. He grabbed the spare key Akaashi lent him and walked to his house. He stopped on the way and wondered whether he should call Akaashi's parents about the situation. He knew the hospital would but just in case he decided to grab his phone and ring them. 

He held back tears as he explained the situation to them from the bathroom to where they were not, he apologised multiple times for everything: ruining their holiday, their loss and for not getting there sooner. Akaashi's parents re-assured Bokuto he did his best, he didn't believe it. He could be run faster to Akaashi and to the hospital, he could have held the wounds tighter to keep more blood inside Akaashi and clot the wound sooner.

The three agreed for Bokuto to take Eliza (yes Akaashi named her after Eliza Hamilton, one of his favourite musicals and a topic of history he could go on about for hours). Bokuto waited till the call ended and continued to walk towards the house.

He unlocked the door and walked in, not wanting to be there for long he kept his shoes on and walked around grabbing what the could for the dog. He huffed to himself knowing bringing his car would have been easier, but he was here not, he got the rest of the bits before calling her. He watched the dog come rushing over, whining slightly as she couldn't see Akaashi.

Bokuto placed the stuff down and sat down, letting the dog climb onto him. He wrapped his arms around her, trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry Eliza, he's gone sweetie."

He knew the dog couldn't understand him, so waited till she got off him before grabbing her stuff again, attaching the lead and walked out the door. He locked the door and posted the keys back through the door not wanting nor needing them anymore.

Silence surrounded him as he walked home, still trying to comprehend everything. He hated the quiet but loved it at the same time, the world was leaving him alone yet he felt like every thing was against him.

He opened the door setting a space up in his room for the dog and let her explore, he opened the backdoor for her to go out, sitting in the kitchen seeing a call from the hospital coming through. He answered the call arranging to collect the stuff tomorrow. The call ended and he placed his head into his hands giving off a loud sigh as he dropped his head to the table and lay it on there.

He stayed there all day, its not like he had anything to do and with his parents out on a trip he was home alone to be with his feelings. He stayed staring at the kitchen table, he knew Akaashi's dog was in the house. He could feel her nose against him, he hated doing this, but he ignored her. She had too many memories buried all over her, she may not know it, but Bokuto did. She held everything and he needed time.

The next day wasn't any better, he was still not accepting the fact that what had happened did until he collected Akaashi's stuff. Everything was there. His glasses, the hoodie Bokuto let him borrow and he never got back, his favourite novels to read, his sketchpad, it was all the same exactly how it was when Bokuto brought it. Over time he had brought stuff for Akaashi in case he woke up and needed something to keep his busy while he recovered. Not like it ever happened, he never was awake long enough to even notice the items brought for him.

The last thing Bokuto saw of the boy he loved ever so much was him crying and begging for it to end. Him crying over much pain he was in, Bokuto still didn't understand where the sudden pain came from, he was so peaceful then all off a sudden he was... well like that.