diary?

tw

Fuck
Why did I do that
What the hell is wrong with me
I was over a year clean
Maybe two idk
I didn't even think about it I just did it
It felt so good tho
I was like a weight was lift off my shoulders
It felt so nice
Just like I remember
I wanna do it more
Till there's nothing there
I wanna die
I wish I was never born
I'm fine
I deserve this
Not in a you deserve this you stupid bitch way but in a you've earned it you've been clean for so long and you've struggled so hard you've earned this
Idk how to feel about it
I feel like it was earned
Like I worked so hard and now even tho I ruined it I feel better
A lot better
Over a year clean
I threw it away
I don't want any support
I don't want anything
Except for him
He doesn't want me tho
He wants m
Who ever that is
I wonder if R ever reads these
From some of my earlier writings
If you are just vote or send me a message
Anyway
I got into leadership
Idk if I wrote about it last time but I did an interview and there were 4 spots and 9 people
I'm happy about that
I'm done trying to find a good was to end these so bye