Taste Of Solitude

V

"Single din si Lauren. Busy ka, busy siya. Same school kayo. Why not date each other? Para sabay kayong maging busy?" Nainom ako habang sinabi ni Kuya Leo 'yon kaya nabulunan ako.

Nataranta naman sila. Inabutan ako ni Ezra ng napkin, at umayos ako. Ubo ubo pa ako ng konti, dahil sa sinabi niya.

"Kuya! What the hell?!" Singhal ko sakanya after ko maka recover. Gulantang naman si Kuya Leo. Habang pailing iling naman 'yung dalawa pa.

I faced Ezra to see him only looking at me. "I am sorry. H'wag mo pansinin sinabi niyan." Paghingi konng pasensya. Pero nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin kaya na-wirduhan na ako.

"Let's try it." Sabi naman niya na nagpataka sa akin. "Try what?" Tanong ko pabalik. dahil nagtataka talaga ako. Try what?

"Let's try dating each other." Doon na ako napatulala sakanya ng todo. Is he serious? Well, he looks serious. I can feel my brother's eyes were on us.

Magsasalita pa sana ako ng biglang dumating sila mommy. Our parents look happy, except my mom. Who I can tell, has this fake smile on her.

"Well, it is settled then. I welcome you to the family." Dad said, kaya nagkatinginan kami ng mga kapatid ko.

"Me too. Now our family can be one." Sabi naman ng daddy ni Ezra. Si Tito Eric.  Kaya sinulyapan ko si Ezra sa tabi ko na nagtataka na din.

"How about we sit down first. Dahil nagtataka na ang mga bata." Tawa ni Dad, at umupo na sila.

Bigla naman akong kinabahan sa kilos ni Dad. Dagdag mo pa ang down atmosphere ng mommy namin parehas ni Ezra.

What is going on?

"Napagusapan namin, how cute you are together. Dear Lauren and Son Ezraell." Sabi ng daddy ni Ezra. Lalo pa akong kinabahan.

Hinawakan ni Kuya Lyle and kamay ko. Making me look at him. He has this serious face, pati na rin ang dalawa ko pang kapatid. Na parang nakakahula na ng sunod na mangyayari.

Kahit ako, nakakabuo na ng conclusion. I can also tell, Ezra having the same idea as me.

"Kaya naman, napagusapan namin na why not have our family come together and arranged a marriage between Lauren and Ezra?" Tila nabingi ako sa sinabi ng daddy ko.

Nag init din ang gilid ng mata ko. I'm so angry right now, I might burst. Pero hinawakan ni Kuya Lyle ang kamay ko ng mahigpit to say na don't. Dahil mapapahiya kami.

"What?!" Si Kuya Lexus ang unang umapila. He's mostly quiet. Kaya him speaking up, is new to me. He's scary kada galit siya.

"What the hell is this? Mom?" Sabi naman ni Kuya Leo. Umiling naman si mommy saying na wala siyang magagawa.

In my family, kapag si dad na ang nagdesisyon. Wala na kaming magagawa to change that.

"This is what's best for Lauren. For the both of them. Atleast we're sure na mabuting pamilya ang mapupuntahan ni Lauren. Don't you think? Besides, our families had a close relationship over the years. The marriage will just be formalities of us being one" Tumango naman si Tito Eric.

"No."

Napatingin silang lahat sa akin ng nagsalita ako.

"No. We don't know each other. Mawalang galang na ho. Pero kakakilala ko pa lang sa anak niyo kaninang umaga lang. And now, you're going to drop a bomb on us both na ipapakasal niyo kami?" Sabi ko at tinanggal ang pagkakahawak ni Kuya Lyle sa akin.

"We didn't even have one decent conversation this evening. And now, nagpa-plano na kayo ng kasal namin? Not even consulting what we would feel?" Sabi ko. Pigil na pigil na hindi sila sigawan in front of this whole crowd.

"Lauren. Kalma lang." Kuya Leo said. "No! I will not calm down. We're both grown up. We can make decisions for our lives. Hindi na ho kami bata para kayo ang magdesisyon para sa amin."

Napansin ko ang pagkatahimik ni Ezra sa gilid ko. Kaya maging siya ay nasinghalan ko rin.

"Ezraell. Ano? Say something." I said. He looked at me straight in the eyes. I can't tell what he was thinking as of the moment. Ang pamilya rin namin ay naghihintay sa sasabihin niya.

"Honestly Lauren? I have nothing to say." Lalo akong hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi niya.

"Unbelievable. You guys are unbelievable!" I can't help my anger so I chose to excuse myself. Akmang susundan pa ako ng mga kapatid ko pero mukhang pinigilan sila ni mommy.

I exited the venue. I saw a garden earlier pagpasok namin, kaya doon ako dumiretso.

I saw a swing, kaya doon ako pumwesto. I couldn't help at napaiyak na lang sa sobrang frustration.

They're so mean.

I looked up to the sky with tears streaming down my face. Questioning my worth.

"Ano bang ginawa kong mali para maging ganito kahitnan ng buhay ko? I excel at everything. I did everything to make them proud. Pero bakit parang hindi pa sapat 'yon at kailangan pa nila akong ipakasal sa hindi ko naman lubos na kilala?" Pagra-rant ko sa sarili ko lang din.

"They are so unfair. Why? Why are they so unfair?" Tanong ko sa sarili ko habang naiyak pa rin.

"Because life, wants to fuck with you." Natigil ako sa pagiyak ng may magsalita sa likod ko. Only to see Ezra casually walking to me.

"When your life is sailing smoothly, and everything's good. Life finds a way to fuck with that. They give you one thing, you can't really escape. No matter how smart you are. No matter how good you are at everything. Life gives you one thing you can't solve." Sabi niya. Tahimik lang akong nanonood sakanyang lumapit sa akin at umupo sa tabing duyan ko.

Nakatitig lang ako sakanya, mukha naman naramdaman niya iyon at tumingin din sa akin.

There was a moment of silence between us, but it wasn't the awkward type.

His green eyes are drowning me.

Ako na ang unang nag sira ng eye contact namin at tumingin na lang sa damuhan.

"Payag ka ba? Sa kasal?" Tanong ko. Natagalan siya sumagot kaya tumingin ako sakanya. To only see him, looking at me also.

Nagiwas siya ng tingin bago sumagot. " I don't know. Biglaan lang din. But I thought, it wouldn't be such a bad thing right? Get married? I mean, nasa tamang edad na tayo." He sighed bago dugsungan iyon. "But, when I saw your reaction. I wasn't sure about what I would feel. Am I bad in your point of view for you to strongly reject a marriage with me?" Sabi niya at tinignan ako ng diretso sa mata. Hindi naman agad ako nakasagot. I was taken aback by what he said na I can't process anything.

" I can't marry someone I just met. I can't marry someone na pangalan lang niya ang alam ko. I want to marry for love. Kapag successful na ako. That's my ideal wedding okay? Not like this. A marriage binded by contracts, conditions. " Sabi ko. I dreamt of marrying for love. Dahil sa estado ng pamilya ko, hindi malabo na gawin nga nila.

They did it before kay Kuya Lyle. But Kuya rebelled, kaya hindi rin natuloy. Then again with Kuya Lexus, but his fiancée got pregnant by another man. With Kuya Leo they stopped, hindi ko naman akalain na gagawin nila sa akin.

" Then we'll date. We'll hold off on the wedding. We graduate first while dating and get to know each other. Then, we'll see how that will take us." He said, na nagpagulo pa lalo sa akin. "Lauren, it's fine okay? If you don't want it. I can talk to my folks to stop that nonsense." He assured me na naman. Wala akong maisagot sakanya. Nanatiling blangko ang isip ko.

With my silence, he stood up and turned his back on me.

"Wait." I stopped him in his tracks. He faced me.

"Fine. We'll date."