It's a scream baby!

Chapter 27

Therapy

My knee bounces nervously as I wait for it to be my turn. Dr willow is supposed to be the best therapist in town, not saying much. My mom rested her hand on my knee

"It's ok honey, just relax" she tried using a soothing voice but it only helped a little. I sighed and folded my hands together in my lap

"I know, I know" I took a deep breath and just spaced out into my own world

I've daydreamed about what I want my life to be a million times before, could be partying every night or becoming famous but it's different this time. This time I wished to be in a brick apartment with a fireplace, two bedrooms, 1 shower, and a balcony. I want marble countertops with white cabinets. I think of a certain smell when I picture it, cinnamon. The house would have beautiful plants and dim lit lights

And I know who I picture with me, I mean it's kind of obvious. Billy and Stu. I imagine this perfect beautiful life for the future but I know it's not gonna happen. It's just fantasy

"Rhonde?" A lady says standing at the door
"It's your turn sweetie, I can't go in with you but if you need me just come and get me" I nodded, tearing away from my fantasy

I stand and walk into the room quietly. I don't know what she wants to talk about about. There are many things in my file that can be called traumatic

Dr willow sat down quietly and crosses her legs. She gave me an inspecting look but I just sat looking around the room

"So y/n, why have you come to see me?" She questioned getting her pen ready
"I thought you knew" it wasn't meant to be snarky but it sounded like it was
"I heard from your mom on why you're here but I didn't hear from you. Why do you think you're here?" I looked at her uncomfortably. I started to play with my hands and sighed

"Well... I guess it's been.. a rough couple of weeks" it's always been hard for me to talk about what's been going on on the inside. She nodded
"And why was it a hard couple of weeks? Take me to the beginning of it" she wrote something down

"Well I guess it all started when I was hanging out with my friends. It was just a normal day, nothing sad or off about it but.. I just randomly had this feeling wash over me" I pulled both of my legs to hang over the side of the chair while staring at my nails

"Can you name the feeling?" She looked at my hands seeing how I fidget with them and started writing something again
"Sadness, despair, anger, hopelessness, feeling numb" I shrugged my shoulders and she nodded

"And what has your daily routine looked like lately?" She quirked her head to the side a bit. I took a deep breath, the only thing that will keep me from exploding with feelings

"Lay in bed, watch tv, maybe go to school if I'm well enough for it, probably hangout with billy and Stu" I was cut off
"And this billy and Stu? Are they your friends?" She asked quirking her brow
"My best, of course there's Tatum too and Randy. Can't say the same about Sidney" she nodded and took notes

"And who would you say you talk to most about these feelings?" She questioned fiddling with the pen between both hands
"Well.. I could only talk to Tatum about it once and I think that's it. I'm not really the type of person to express their deep feelings" I chuckled a little. She slightly frowned

"Why do you feel you shouldn't share those feelings?" Another deep breath
"I don't know, I guess.. when I was little my feelings.. didn't really... matter I guess" I started fiddling with my necklace Stu got me as it became a habit

"Did you have anyone to talk to when you were younger? A parent? A friend?" I froze for a quick second and regained my composure
"No one that counts" she knot her brows together
"That counts? What do you mean?" She had her chin leaning on her fist

"Ya know, someone who loves and cares for your feelings. Who never uses it against you" I said the last part quietly
"And who would you say used it against you?" She asked as she wrote something down

Again with the writing? What is so important that she has to write down?

I stayed silent for a moment hoping the time would pass more quickly
"An old friend.... Brady" I looked down shamefully but to anyone else my face had no emotion the entire time

"What did Daniel do to hurt you?" I couldn't utter a word. The air got tense
"Did he hurt you just emotionally or physically too?" She asked hoping for the first answer. My eyes widened a bit when she hit it right on the money

I sighed and rubbed my face as if I just woke up
"We don't ha-" I was the one to interrupt this time
"Both.. it was both" she quietly nodded

"I.. I still get flashback nightmares of him. Some before it all happened or at least before I figured it out and others... well I'd just wish my brain could block it out like others" I chuckled a little. I found it funny how that can happen to certain people, I only know a couple people who can block stuff like that out of their minds but others aren't including me

She noted my behavior and wrote another thing. I rolled my eyes and gave a quiet scoff

"What would you see in the nightmares?" I swallowed thickly. All of a sudden my mouth is dry and I can't speak. I opened my mouth only to close it

"It's ok y/n. If you're not ready then that's alright" she offered a small smile. I nodded. She looked at the clock
"Looks like our time is up" I gave her a look of confusion
"But that was so quick" I questioned. She chuckled a little

"This was just a short session to see what we should do our next session. Next session will be longer, I promise" I nodded and stood up. She walked to the door with me

"Goodbye y/n, I'll see you next Thursday" she smiled at me before calling out the next name. My mom grabbed her purse and we quickly walked to the car

"That was quick" she said more of a question
"It was a trial run, next Thursday is supposed to be an actual appointment" she nodded and I just lauded my head on the window staring out

Some birds caught my eye. I wonder what it's like for them, to fly everywhere they want to, be surrounded by their flock. I wonder if they have to worry about these types of things. Feelings of melancholy

It doesn't matter anyway, soon I'll be out of this town

I know, I know. I've been away for a while, since November I realize. now there are going to be little therapy sessions in between chapters. I love you guys