Quick Transmigration: FateMaker

1.11 : Anna

I have so many thoughts running through my head.
It's hard to put them together, to sort them out.
I can't shake the feeling that I was supposed to be more then this.

A poor college student, struggling from paycheck to paycheck. Trying to keep my grades up so my scholarship won't fall through the cracks.

Everyday, I see people around me. None of them struggling, all of them passing with grades higher than mine, and all of them in relationships.

How do they all succeed effortlessly? Why am I the only one who seems to be struggling with everything? Why is life so hard for me but so easy for others?

A few weeks after I came to this school, I noticed this. I didn't want to be different, to be seen as undesirable, so I looked for someone, anyone to fill the void by my side that so many others had succeeded in doing for theirs.

That's when I saw Jake. To be honest, he was very attractive, but his personality was so not my type. But that didn't stop me. Even if I had to fake a relationship with that human statue, I had too.

Part of me didn't want to when I found out he had a girlfriend. Fiancee to be correct.

But was it wrong of me to pursue him when he didn't even acknowledge her as his?

Besides, she was already the best in the fashion department, what was it to her if I took her man that she didn't even acknowledge either?

I thought I was getting him, until another man showed up by her side. He was just as attractive, if not more, than Jake. And his personality was so so much better.

It seemed like Cressida was close with him too. Maybe too close. The way he spoke to her, joked with her, teased her, I could already see they had some sort of relationship.

Part of me pitied Jake. That his fiancee would openly show her connection with another man.
But another part of me wanted to see what the other man was like.

Maybe if I could get both, no one would see me as different, as an outsider.

But everything I was doing, wasn't working. Even though, I was at the table across from Jake, he never spared me a glance. The other guy, Isaac, always smiled politely at others, even me, but never went another step in my direction.

Instead, it seemed as if he was interested in Cressida's friend, another beautiful girl with an effortless easy life.

Evoking the feeling of pity, protection, and closeness, I tried with both of them. But as usual, Jake showed nothing, even going so far as to ignore me.
Isaac was less rude, but clearly showed me that I shouldn't cross his boundary lines.

What was so wrong with me? Was I too ugly? Did I look overweight?
Why was Cressida so much more lucky than I was? In everything?

That was when I got an idea. I knew it was wrong. Really wrong. But if I couldn't get either man, I could at least win the competition.

I saw what Cressida had made. So I decided to steal it.
One night, I snuck into the school and quietly went down the halls to the fashion department.

And...

I stopped in my tracks. Someone was already there.
I almost cursed out loud when I saw them slicing up Cressida's project. There went my chance.

Hearing faint voices, I quickly left. I didn't want to be caught for something I didn't do.

That happened yesterday. I didn't want to face Cressida, so I stayed in the dorm for the day, contemplating and thinking to myself.

Everything is a mess. I still can't shake the feeling that this isn't how my life is supposed to go.

I feel like I should be more. That I should have more.

I should be the person in the spotlight. I should be the one with the golden spoon.