Museum of Memories // Larry

The Library

I dream of my biggest nightmare that night...Harry having already found someone to cherish him, and love him, and admire him, and adore him...and know him, like he deserves to be known.

I wake up from a pain shooting through my neck. It takes me almost 2-3 business days to understand that it's because of the position and place I'm sleeping in.

My babies are sleeping by my side on the floor of the kitchen. Snoring peacefully, undisturbed.

Thank god the floor of the apartment has a heating system or else I would now be in the hospital with pneumonia.

I groan as I try to lift my neck up. How the hell did I end up sleeping in the floor in the first place?! Every bone in my body feels out of place and my muscles have taken the shape of the wooden floor.-"Fuck!"-Another crack on my spine. When I finally lift half of my body up, I rest my back on the kitchen island.

Cliff is the first to wake and nudge Bruce to also wake with him. They run off around the kitchen thinking I'm here to play with them. Little do they know I can barely lift a finger.-"Well that was one hell of a relaxing sleep!"-I mumbled as I lift up the other half of my body.

I head to the bathroom, maybe a hot shower can bring everything back to place. As I enter I'm faced with my reflection on the mirror.

I look pathetic.

Hair all out of place, a wooden stamp on my cheek, slumped posture, red eyes. I'm pretty sure I haven't looked this pathetic since Laura. I tame down the urge to throw the bathroom mirror out of the window and just enter the shower.

Yesterday wasn't a dream. I realize as I slowly wake up with the hot water running down my stiffened skin. Everything aches and I'm pretty sure it's not because I accidentally slept on the floor, rather than it is because of the reason why I can't at times find the strength in me to sleep in my bedroom, on an empty bed, with an empty heart.

Maybe I should see my therapist again...I haven't since after mom left...but I'm positive that I need some professional advices again. All these changes in my life, first all my friends getting married/engaged, to moving out from Ed's, to a whole new apartment, new part of the city...and now Harry...

I've never lived alone. Not since mom left. And with all I remember it was the worst time of my life, so bad, that at times I would find myself falling asleep at random places, like at class, the library, or at the common dorm room, anywhere but alone, anywhere but my dorm. That was till I was paired with Ed, and ever since that we've been together. We changed three living places together. College dorm, little apartment, and our former duplex.

I step out still feeling the same, expect now my skin is on fire, there's steam coming out of my pores and my hair is damp.

I head to the bedroom, unpacking yet another box, labeled 'gym clothes'. I take out a pair of shorts and a black fibre-shirt with a white stripe on its chest, I put on a grey zip up hoodie and some high socks.

I bend down under the bed and take out a shoe box from a collection of sports shoes boxes. I've always loved trainers, it had been my dream to own every single colour there is of Air Force's and Adidas. And now I do.

I pick a white pair, I'm pretty sure I've only worn them three times since I bought them because they look brand new. I towel my hair a few times till they're no longer heavy with water and I let them to dry naturally as I head to the kitchen.

I sit on a high kitchen chair and go through all the emails in my work laptop. Cliff jumps on the kitchen chair and tries to climb the island. Bruce is shorter and he fails, nudging me on my leg instead, demanding to be carried. They sometimes forget they're not little puppies anymore.