Love isn't easy

Chapter 18: Late June 2029 (Part 1)

Late June 2029 (Part 1)

Lisa has good days sometimes.

Well, not good days. Calling them "good days" would be a stretch.

Lisa doesn't have good days sometimes.

Lisa has days that are less than terrible sometimes. Days where she doesn't leave before Roseanne wakes up or when she doesn't come back after everyone is asleep. Days where she ventures into the dining room when everyone is sitting at the table having breakfast or dinner and joins them. Or days where she'll sit in the living room while the kids are either watching TV or on their computers. There are days where even though she doesn't say much, if anything at all, she's as present as she can be. Those days are few and far between, but they exist.

During some of these not-completely awful days, Roseanne has been known to catch the corner of Lisa's lips rising ever so slightly when Rose does something funny or when Annie says something silly. It's too subtle to be called a smile and only Roseanne would ever notice it happening. Only Roseanne would detect something that is barely there and that doesn't last more than a second before Lisa realizes what she's doing and the emptiness takes hold anew. Roseanne loves to see even flashes of the old Lisa because she can feel her chest lighting up afire when she does. Roseanne hates to see Lisa chastise herself for giving herself a moment of respite, but those small instances give Roseanne hope that maybe she can still get Lisa back. It lets Roseanne know the girl she fell in love with twenty years ago is still in there somewhere. Those days make Roseanne keep the promise she made to herself that she is going to do whatever she needs to in order to make her wife heal.

Lately, Lisa felt...lighter. Roseanne couldn't really explain what it was, but "lighter" was the best way she could find to describe it. Everything was exactly the same as before, but after the events that unfolded almost two weeks ago during the dinner they hosted to commemorate Mattheo on the first anniversary of his death, Lisa didn't feel as weighed down. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't the only one carrying what happened the night of the shooting any longer. Maybe it was the fact that they both had a moment to grieve their son together. Maybe it was the fact that they had slept in each other's arms for the first time since Mattheo died. Roseanne couldn't figure it out, but whatever it was, it had Lisa sitting at either the breakfast or dinner table three times this week. Roseanne and the girls could consider themselves lucky if they saw Lisa more than a few minutes in an entire week, but they've shared a meal with her at least being physically there more times this week alone than they've had in certain months. Roseanne's hope for their future as a family unit is slowly but surely being renewed.

They're all sitting at breakfast now. The girls are off school for the summer, but they're still up early since they're heading out for a few weeks of summer camp later today. Roseanne enrolled all three of them in a sleepaway camp at the Adirondack Mountains in order to keep them busy and distracted for at least part of their break. Roseanne would be lying if she said she didn't also want them away from the house - and Lisa - for a little while. She thought it would do the girls good to have time away from the city and, frankly, the arguing. Roseanne believed Coraline and Lisa could use the time away from each other and that the two younger ones could use the diversion. On top of all that, Roseanne wanted alone time with Lisa. Maybe having a stretch of time where it is just the two of them is what they needed to finally find their way back after the year they've had.

The table is mostly quiet. Coraline never says much if Lisa is there and in turn, the younger ones usually don't talk either. Roseanne has her eyes on Lisa while she pushes her food around the plate.

It worries Roseanne how much weight Lisa has lost since Mattheo died. Lisa skips most meals and when she doesn't she barely eats. Roseanne doesn't see her enough to try and remedy the situation. Roseanne was about to ask Lisa if she wanted her to make something else that she might enjoy more than the eggs and pancakes she cooked, but eight-year-old Rose speaks before she can.