No Greater Love

Kabanata 7

Kabanata 7

My first months of marriage with Sancho was spent with nothing but me mourning for Caspian... Hindi ko matingnan noon si Sancho. Para lang akong robot noong kinasal kami. Our wedding day was not a very good memory to us...

Nagluluksa pa rin naman ako sa pagkamatay ni Caspian. Naiisip ko pa rin siya at ang mga pagkukulang ko at nagawa dahil sinisi ko rin ang sarili ko somehow kung bakit siya humantong sa ganoon...

It was sad that he died young...

And now I think... I don't know anymore what I'm feeling...

Am I just guilty? Guilt na lang ba ang naiwan sa akin ngayong pakiramdam ko ay nagkakamabutihan na rin kami ni Sancho...

Niyaya ko si Sancho isang beses na pumunta kami sa barber para magpa-haircut siya dahil humaba na rin ang buhok niya.

"But is it okay with your work? Na magpa-haircut ka?" I asked when I remembered.

Tumango naman si Sancho. "Yeah, it's all right." He assured me.

So we went out that day at nag-shopping na rin. May mall din naman kung saan kami pwedeng mag-shopping na hindi madudumog si Sancho ng fans niya.

It was I think our first time going out together... like a date...

I sighed.

I even became his temporary Manager now. Well, just until his manager comes back, and probably after giving birth. Sancho's manager married a little later.

Also everyone knew that the actor and their idol Sancho Abellana got married to me. Sa probinsya kami kinasal kaya walang masyadong media noon at mabilisan lang din ang pagpaplano ng kasal namin. Iyon din ang gusto ko para makaalis na rin ako sa puder ng mga magulang ko noon...

And I'm just glad that his fans supported him in our marriage. Kahit hindi rin nila ako kilala noong una. But his fans were matured enough and accepted that he got married to me. Siguro nga ay mas open minded na nga ngayon ang fans ng mga actors and less toxic na rin unlike before na hindi pwedeng kahit may iba ka lang na makakapareha sa isang movie at hindi iyong palagi mong ka-loveteam ay parang hindi na magugustuhan ng fans mo. Or that sometime in the past fans kind of expected that their idols would just be single forever... Dahil parang hindi nila nagugustuhan kapag pumasok na ito sa isang relationship. What more marriage? Kung noon siguro ay laos ka na kapag kinasal ka na at lalo pa kapag nagkaanak ka na...

I wondered if malaki ba talaga ang epekto niyon sa pagiging propesyunal mo pa rin naman na aktor?

After a few months more Sancho's Manager was already back to work after giving birth. Naimbitahan pa nga kami noong baby shower nila. And then we were also asked to become godmother and godfather to the baby na hindi rin naman namin tinanggihan ni Sancho. And I think it was my first time also na maging ninang. I was also happy and excited to be a part of the baby's life.

"How about you two? Mag-iisang taon na rin ba kayong kasal? Kailan n'yo plano na magka-anak na rin?" A friend from the entertainment industry has asked Sancho and me during the Christening we just attended.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Sancho sandali. Pagkatapos ay ngumiti na lang sa nagtanong. Mabilis din na winala ni Sancho roon ang usapan. Maybe because he was thinking that it made me uncomfortable...

But when we were already home, napaisip ako sa sitwasyon namin ni Sancho habang mag-isa na ako sa tahimik ko na kwarto.

We've been sleeping in separate bedrooms ever since. And since we got married and started living together, nothing has ever happened to me and Sancho...