What Remains

Chapter 5

"Mom ---. Mom ---. Listen, Mom," Alejandro said into the phone. "Mom, you've got to calm down, okay?" he attempted to soothe his mother. "I'll talk to Abi, okay? Don't worry. We'll work this out," he continued. When he got off the phone with his mom, he texted Abigail.

Why does Mom think you're moving out?

Because I'm moving out.

Okay, where is this coming from?

Listen, I have a GF now. I need to move on with my life.

Congrats on the GF, but Mom can't live alone. You know that.

I can't be her caregiver anymore. I'm burned out.

I get it. Give me a few days to figure out what to do, though.

I'm leaving by the end of the month.

Oh, that's just great. Thanks for picking the worst possible moment. You're good at that. But don't worry, I'll handle it like I always do.

Alejandro set down his phone. He found it fascinating how his mom and sister could be so independent until something went wrong. Then, he was called in to clean up the mess. They may view themselves as very progressive, but at the first sign of trouble, they were calling him, pulling the eldest-son card, and expecting him to fix their problems. His mom actually had a funny saying that illustrated her mindset. She would say, "I'm a feminist until the lawn mower breaks."

He sighed. I guess we all have moments when our actions belie our supposed beliefs, he thought. It's not that he didn't care about what was going on at home. It was just that he never felt he could shake the responsibility to be the "man of the family" even when he was half-a-world away. He didn't begrudge Abigail the right to find happiness, but he had hoped that she could hold things together for just a few months. He was frustrated that she had chosen this very moment to leave the family home. He would be home in two months. She could have waited that long, but no, now he had to figure out how to get care for his mom instead of being able to focus on having fun on his trip.

Alejandro felt restless. He checked the clock and saw that it was too late to make it to the gym in time to get in a good workout. Instead, he decided to exercise in the dorm room. He had to do something to clear his head. He did sit-ups, push-ups, squats, and running in place. After that, he opened the door and used the frame to do pull-ups. While he was in mid-pull-up, he saw Yuna approaching. He released the door frame and dropped to his feet.

"Hey, Yuna, what's up, girl?" he said, trying to sound cool and relaxed. He was not relaxed at all. He had become jittery and nervous around her ever since their intimate moment the day before. Now, he stood before her with sweat stains on his chest and armpits, feeling like all of his customary confidence had left him.

"I just wanted to stop by to see if you had eaten," Yuna said.

"Yeah, I got some triangle gimbap at the convenience store," he replied with a shrug.

"Triangle gimbap isn't dinner," Yuna protested. "That's just a snack. You should come over to my room. I can make you something," she suggested.

"Nah, I'm good," Alejandro answered, knowing that going to her room would undoubtedly re-new the feelings he was trying to suppress.

"Please," she said, sticking out her lower lip like a petulant child.

"Just for a little while," he conceded. "Let me take a quick shower, okay?"

"Sure thing," Yuna said brightly.

Later, as he sat on her gray velvet couch, he watched her as she cut vegetables for a quick stir-fry. It was kind of nice to feel taken care of. He had to admit that much, but he felt odd about her serving him. "Can I help you with anything?" he asked.

"No, you just sit back and relax," Yuna told him sternly. "You look stressed," she pointed out astutely.

Alejandro didn't answer. He really wasn't in the mood to get into the whole mess happening at home. Indeed, he was stressed out, as she had perceived, but he didn't feel like it was something he could unburden himself about with Yuna.

After he had eaten, he got up to leave. "I'd probably better head out," he said laying his chopsticks across the top of the empty bowl. Yuna caught his hand.

"Stay just a bit longer," she said, her soft eyes catching his with a look of concern. "You're stressed out. Let me help you," she continued.

Alejandro sat down again as Yuna began to rub his shoulders. She had a way of finding the knots and massaging them out. "Is that nice?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's really nice," Alex admitted, experiencing the same thing he had felt as he had watched her cooking. He felt taken care of. For a moment, he just basked in that feeling of being able to receive something for once.

As she would massage part of his neck and shoulders, she would kiss it and move on to another spot. Alejandro found himself breathing a little unevenly. She continued to kiss his neck slowly, sometimes running her tongue over it as she went along. Eventually, she pulled his head toward her and kissed his lips. In a split second, Alejandro felt his resolve slipping. He could feel his pants growing tighter. For a moment, it occurred to him that Yuna might provide the key to taking some pressure off of him. He let himself go, kissing her back until she was breathless and flushed. She slipped off the couch and onto the floor. Suddenly, she grabbed for his zipper and pulled it down. Alex immediately reached down to cover himself.

"Wait, no," he protested. "You don't have to do that," he told her as he pulled his zipper back up.

"I wasn't going to do it because I had to. I want to," she assured him.

"No, you don't need to degrade yourself like that," he explained as he pulled her up off the floor and onto the couch again.

"Degrade myself?" Yuna looked puzzled. "How is it degrading if I chose to do it?" she reasoned.

"Well, yeah, but you only want to do it because porn or other guys have made you feel like you have to do that," he countered.

Yuna stared at him incomprehensively. "I don't watch porn," she said with a hint of bitterness. "And for your information, I never did that for anyone before." Tears began to spill down her face. "You think you're protecting me or something, but you're just making me feel really slutty," she admitted. "I have been trying to take control of my own sexuality and every time I do, you make it sound like I'm brainwashed by the patriarchy."

Alejandro received all her verbal blows with calm. "I am all for you being sexually empowered. I just worry that the way you were valued for your sexuality as a kid may have kind of messed up your perspective a bit," he explained. "Like maybe you feel like you are here to serve men, like that's your role," he added.

Suddenly, Yuna stood and grabbed Alejandro by the arm, pulling him up. "Alright, time to go," she said as she pushed him out the door. Before she could shut the door, he turned around and asked, "Are you mad or something?"

"Look, you can think I'm some kind of puppet of the patriarchy if you want to, but what it feels like to me is that you are shaming me. So, yeah, I'm angry. I am," she repeated as the door shut in his face.