Yeah. These are some words. I don't understand how they can hurt. They are intangible ideas. They are just sound waves we send to each other. On that note I don't think it is safe for me to have a boyfriend. They are just going to end up hurt. Anyone who goes near me is going to collapse in pain. Yet they all talk to me and run to me and compliment me. What for? My friend asked me the other day what the most important thing I had ever done was. I couldn't answer I could only bluff. I said I did so many important things that I couldn't choose one. But why did I care what he thought of me?
Je ne me comprends pas! Type that into google translate. Who am I? What am I to become?
Sorry. I'm just depressing y'all. Here lets just talk about the life of me.Hi. My source of happiness is rock climbing. It is my best friend ever. Its turned, me, a weak depressed little girl into a warrior. I owe my life to rock climbing. Why is everything I say so depressing?!
I got my friends to go on a date the other day. My best friend and my ex-boyfriend are going out because of me. I'm the nicest person ever. Stupid girl stereotypes. I'm not a little bitch-faced bitch like how high school girls are supposed to be. I understand that even if I still really like him he's moved on and that to show him i'm still his friend I will help show him how to show her that he loves her.
This 'happy' thing really isn't working for me right now. Well my new boyfriend's worst fear is of having no point in his life. He doesn't know that his fear has trapped his girlfriend. To society I seem bulletproof. Everyone knows my name but nobody knows my struggle not even my closest friends. I see this as a big accomplishment. Still it adds to my trap. I am not a faker but I'm also not who I am supposed to be.
I am a fourteen year old ninth grader with a million friends. I am not a preppy girl. I am not a stupid girl. I get strait A's. I am in four honors classes. I am great at math and science. I am part of a middle class family and I have too much to lose. I am ,deep down inside, an almost hippy. I want to be alone. I want an apocalypse. I don't want a boyfriend. I want to be a better rock climber. I want to take long walks in the forest and sing and wear pretty green dresses to freak out other hikers. I want to be self sufficient in the forest. I want a little touristy store. I want freedom. See my problem? Maybe? One day you might.
Why is what I want not socially acceptable? Why can't one single person change to views of society? Why is sex and foolish things becoming more important than genuine happiness? I can't deal with these people anymore. Dealing with them is painful.
