Conflicted

Thirteen

All I could feel was pain, hatred, sick. It wouldn't stop, the constant thoughts of him flashing throughout my mind. That smile he always showed, those emerald eyes that always caught me in a daze. The way his touch would marks my skin shiver, make my skin burn. His lips that would softly meet mine as he claimed me, rubbed circles with his thumbs on my hips. The way his eyes would look me up and down, roam mine as I stared at him in a daze. The way his tongue would collided with mine as he dominated my mouth.

I missed it so much, I missed it so much that I craved it 24/7. I just wanted to feel him again, feel his body merge with mine. Yet all I do is cry, cry my heart out over a guy that merely saw me as an object. One he could use when he wanted, throw away once he was done with me. Yet here I am still dreaming over the boy, thinking about him all the day. Just one thought about him made my stomach turn into a million pieces. Made me want him so much more than I was supposed to.

Walking into school I only felt my stomach drop as eyes landed on mine, whispers throughout the corridor. Shaking my head I thought nothing of it as I opened my locker. Taking what I needed out and placed what I didn't in I closed my locker. Heading to my first class I kept my head low, my eyes not once leaving the ground. Reaching my class I headed in, sitting at the back. I felt eyes look at me throughout the whole of class, whispers could be heard as I sat there. Why did it have to turn out like this.

Why me?

This happened throughout the day, walking towards my locker I placed my bag in it before closing it. Taking a deep breath I headed to the cafeteria. Walking through the double doors the room became silent as all eyes fell on me. My nerves only picked up as I walked to my mates, their eyes watching me with small smiles. I knew they felt bad but I didn't need or want their sympathy. Taking a seat down next to Tyler the silence soon left as everyone went back on with their business.

Sighing I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as my mates watched me. Their eyes looking at me intently as I sat there, my eyes never leaving the table as I rested my head on my hand. I could feel my stomach turn more as no one spoke what so ever ever since I had sat down. Not even Tyler had said a simple hi to me, no matter the situation he always talks or makes sure I'm okay. Groaning I couldn't take it anymore and snapped.

"What the fuck are you all looking at" standing up off of my chair they're eyes only widened.

"Luke"

"no, I don't want your fucking sympathy or condolences, I just want you all to talk to me like a normal person, like life's normal, yet you all expect me to sit here and have you all stare at me not saying a single word, I ain't fucking dealing with it, your my friends your supposed to treat me like it, yet your all treating me like everyone else is doing in the school"

Tyler immediately stood up his eyes never leaving mine. He could tell I was on the urge of breaking down as I stood before him. Grabbing my hand he pulled me out of the cafeteria before pulling me into an empty classroom. Before I could talk he had immediately wrapped his arms around me pulling me into his chest. Latching onto his shirt I did it, I broke down. Rubbing circles on my back as we held each other in silence. He knew I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to think about it either. Tyler understood me, how I felt, how I could and couldn't handle certain things. It was almost like I depended on him, his help when I needed it.

Soon the bell rang as Tyler let me go. His gaze meeting mine as he held my arms. "Wanna come mine after school" wiping my cheeks I slowly nodded earning a smile from my best mate. Rubbing my shoulder he left me to head to class. Sitting on a desk I couldn't help but groan as I covered my face. I hate it, I hated how my life was at the moment, all these alienated emotions that are hitting my body like I'm on a menstrual cycle. Groaning in frustration I punched the desk, pain immediately shooting up my hand.

"Calm down snowflake" a familiar voice spoke, my eyes immediately meeting his.

Mason

"For fuck sake" jumping off of the desk I was immediately pinned back on it. Masons hands gripping my wrists. "So I heard about the party" he spoke, a smirk rising upon his lips. "Fuck off Mason" pushing him off of me he merely stumbled as his back hit a desk. Walking away he had immediately yanked me back, my back hitting his chest. His right arm had slithered around my waist as he held me tight. His lips grazing my ear, his breath hitting the skin on my neck.

Laughing his left hand held my wrists tightly together. I couldn't move, I had no way of escaping him, his intentions. His Right hand quickly slithered under my boxers. Panicking I kicked his ankle only causing him to let me go, his body collapsing to the floor. Patterning myself I looked down before heading for the door. My foot colliding with a chair causing me to fall. Hitting my head on the hard floor I could feel my vision become blurry as I heard Mason behind me. "Little faggot" I heard Mason roar out his foot colliding with my ribs.

Groaning in pain I attempted to stand up only to have him grip my shirt. Slamming my back against the wall his face was inches away from mine. The look of disgust yet an emotion I couldn't tell covered his face. "Mason" I only felt his grip on my shirt tighten as he looked into my eyes. Frustration coming off of his looks as he looked at me. "Why do you do these things to me" he suddenly spoke. An emotion I didn't know took over his facial structure as he held me against the wall.

"I don't do anything to you Mason" groaning he pulled away. "Stop saying my name Luke" he spoke his back hitting a desk as he leaned upon it, his eyes still on me. "Aren't you supposed to be beating me up" I pressured, excerpt all he was doing was watching me, his chest pumping up and down at a fast pace. His gaze felt intimidating yet something else I couldn't tell. A soft mumble escaped his lips as he looked down, his hand grazing his forehead. "What" pushing the desk behind him back he walked over his fist landing next to my face.

"I can't, I just can't" his eyes had emotions roaming in them as he looked me all around. His hand slowly falling until it reached my shoulder, his thumb slowly grazing my collarbone. "Why" I could feel tears brim my eyes, why was my life so confusing, was I boring to him? Did he not get the same appeal as he always did before. It was normal for him to attack me, beat me up, it became a normal occurrence. Biting his bottom lip Mason looked down before meeting my eyes again. "Out of everyone why you" he asked in a soft yet exhausted voice.

"Mason" before I could finish he had slammed his hand over my mouth, his scent filling my senses. The smell of cinnamon yet tobacco has filled my nose. His eyes kept on mine before removing his hand. Sighing he leaned down, his head resting on my shoulder. "Can I hug you" he asked softly, his voice breaking. "Uh sure" he immediately wrapped his arms around me as I did the same. Silence filling the room, my bully currently hugging me. Pulling me closer I heard soft sobs escape his tongue.

They soon got louder as he hugged me much more. Rubbing circles on his back I couldn't help but break with him, tears leaving my eyes. Resting my head on his shoulder I couldn't help but mentally laugh.

I'm crying with my fucking bully