Closet love

Chapter 1: The first two weeks

It was the first day of my senior year in high school. I noticed there was a new boy, I figured there would be, there's always new kids at the beginning of each year. What I didn't know was that he would turn out to be the love of my life.

Everyone was swarming around him at lunch as if he were some kind of new and strange creature from a different planet who had come here to destroy our lives. He looked so uncomfortable. I wanted to help him out, but I didn't want to make him feel even more uncomfortable than he already was. I decided to just stay put and eat my ham sandwich with my friends. But I couldn't stop looking over my shoulder at him. He finally shook all the kids off and found a few to talk to.

After a long day I got on the bus and noticed he was sitting in the back by himself. I decided to go sit across from him. "Hey, I'm Ashton, what's your name?" I asked. He looked up from the game he was playing on his iPod, "I'm Jason." "Cool, it's nice to meet you." Then there was just a long period of silence between the two of us as he went back to his game. The rest of the bus ride went by without another word. "I'll see you around?" I asked before I got off the bus. "Yeah, let's eat together tomorrow?" "Okay", I said, and left.

The next day rolled around as slow as the last, and when I got on the bus the next morning I sat down in my usual seat, second to the back. He moved his stuff and asked,"do you mind if I sit with you?" "No, I don't mind!" I moved my stuff over and he sat down next to me. We started talking about football season, neither of us were signing up, but I was in pep band and was required to go to the games. "They all seem to think they're so cool. They all have cheerleaders for girlfriends and practically rule the school, like it's their turf or something." "UGH! The football players at my old school were like that too." He said. "It's like they feed off of their popularity, like they depend on it more than the air they breathe." "Yeah, well, we're at school. I'll still see you at lunch?" "Definitely, see you later!" "Okay." He responded, then walked away

Lunch rolled around pretty fast that day, and I was excited to see him when he came out of his 4th period English class. we decided not to go to the cafeteria for lunch. The food sounded disgusting. What they called a "turkey and cheese sandwich" is known to us as "spam and rubber sandwich." We decided to head over to Subway where we both got meatball subs. "So tell me about yourself. You said you were in band? What do you play?" "I play tuba. It's really fun. People say I'm good but I strongly disagree. What about you? Do you have any hobbies?" "Well, I'm good at anything that has to do with drawing, painting, and sculpting," he said. "I'm not good at art. Can I have your number? We can finish this conversation later. It's time to go back to class." Then he gave me his number and we both walked over together.

Later the next night he sent me a message:
Jason: Hey, it's Jason, thanks for lunch yesterday, I can pay you back.

Me: No, it was on me, it was nice to eat lunch with you.

Jason: Thanks. Just let me know if you need me to pay you back at any time.

Me: Okay, but it's okay, really. Hey, I'm gonna head to bed, I'm really tired. See you tomorrow.

Then suddenly I realized tomorrow was Thursday. First day of pep band. I'm not looking forward to it.

"Hey!" I realize it's Jason behind me. He catches up and says, "look at all the school spirit. Is there a football game tonight?" "Yes," I respond with everything but enthusiasm. "Well, I'll catch you later Ashton." "See you later Jason." And off he goes to his 1st period art class.

Pep band was boring for me, but when I got home I was glad Jason was still awake. I texted him for a while. I think I kind of like him. But I don't want to loose him as a friend. I'll keep the secret for now and tell him when we both know each other better.

It's now Friday and everyone's still talking about the stupid football game. Our team won and I should be happy, but for some reason I'm not even happy when I see Jason walking up to me to say "hey" like he always does. Maybe I'm just tired. I'll shake the feeling off in a while. "How was the game last night?" He asked. "It was boring for me, but the team won... God I hate the football players so much." "Yeah, they're just a bunch of stuck up jocks." "Mhm." I respond. "Are you okay Ashton? You seem out of it today." "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just tired." "Okay, I'll see you around buddy." "Okay, later."

Skip my boring weekend of finishing up school shopping and watching tv and it's Monday yet again. The weekend was so long and I'm glad to be back to school where I can see Jason yet again. He seems happy enough as he walks up to me as usual with his cheerful greeting. "Hey! How was you're weekend?" He asked as if he's really anxious to tell me something. "It was boring. I finished up school shopping and did practically nothing else. What about you?" "I had a boring weekend, but there was one part that made it a whole lot more interesting!" He's practically dying to tell me now. "What happened?" I'm dying along with him to tell me because now I'm curious. "Okay, so I was at the instrument shop because I wanted to see if I could maybe join band because I have some experience with music and I found a body pillow that was shaped like a tuba. It's in my car, I'll have to give it to you after school!" I find myself smiling at the thought of a tuba shaped body pillow. I let out a small chuckle and walk him to his art class. But we still have fifteen more minutes before class starts so I just sit there and talk to him until the bell rings. I drove today as well which is why we're both here so early, but we don't mind. We have the company of one another.

Skip that week and nothing much more than class work and minor getting-to-know-each-other-better conversations with Jason happened. But later that night I start to get curious about something so I text him saying:

Me: Hey, I was just wondering if I could ask you something?

Jason: Yeah sure. Go ahead.

Me: I was wondering if you had something against your family?
You never talk about them.

Jason: No, I don't have anything against them. It's just that.... They're not here anymore. My dad committed suicide and when my mom found him she also committed suicide. I live on my own. I pay my bills and I have my own job. It's rough.

Me: I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I'm sorry if you weren't comfortable telling me that.

Jason: No, it's fine really, I trust you. Hell, right now you're my best friend. No one else here seems to like me and I enjoy our small talk conversations.

I swear my heart just melted. I'm his best friend? Wow. I've never had anyone to call my best friend before and no one's ever called ME best friend. Should I be happy about this or worried that I might loose him? In the short time I've known him I'm already afraid to loose him. This isn't like me at all.

After an hour or so of not replying back to his message he said:

Jason: You there?

Me: Yeah, sorry, I'm just a little... Outta sorts right now. I think I need some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow.

Then I closed my phone and I heard it ring. I knew it was him just saying bye yet I couldn't bring myself to read it. I shut off the lights despite the fact that it was only 7:30 in the evening and fell fast asleep just moments later.