After the deaths of her 5 friends, Heesoo goes through her videocamera to rewatch videos she's taken of them, only to find out that somehow she can still see them through her camera.
୨୧┊𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒
#2 in ditto:: 24.01.23
#27 in camera:...
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❝ 𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ❞
— Ditto (eng translation)
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I can hear a beeping noise, constantly repeating. My alarm clock? Is it really Monday already? I groan and try to stretch my arms but they don't move; it feels as if they've been encased in cement. Am I really that tired? Maybe that's why my brain is foggy, why I can't seem to recall what happened yesterday. But that doesn't matter right now. What does is that I need to wake up and go to school. Even if I need to force myself to. I squeeze my eyes close several times, gradually opening my eyes just a little wider each time.
What I see when my vision clears up is a plain white wall with posters attached. No, not the band posters I have up in my room. The poster I'm looking at has paragraphs of writing with several images. "5 Reasons Why Regular Checkups are Important," the bold red text on top reads. Confused, I swivel my head around from left to right and take in my surroundings: white tiled floors, a white bed, blue curtains directly to the left and right of my bed. It's pretty clear that I'm in a hospital, the beeping that woke me up being the sound of the machine by my bedside. Both my arms are wound tightly in casts, that being the reason I couldn't stretch earlier.
A woman wearing blue medical scrubs who I didn't notice before stands up from her chair across from me. She was probably supervising me, as well as the other patients in this room. She approaches my bedside.
"You finally woke up." The woman states, her voice calm with a slight sternness. She continues. "How are you feeling?"
"O-" my throat feels dry, it hurts to get words out, so I stumble, "o- okay?" I reply still confused from suddenly waking up in an unfamiliar environment.
The woman quickly fires questions my way. "Do you still have all your memories? Do you know your name?"
"Ban Heesoo." I manage to croak out.
"Good. Well, Heesoo, I'm not sure if you remember but you were in a car accident. That's the reason you are in the hospital right now. My name is Han Soomin, I'm one of the nurses that have been taking care of you..."
I stop paying attention to what Soomin is saying, her voice fading into the background in my mind. The accident. All of a sudden my memories come flooding back. Images flash in my mind: the wide eyes of the deer staring right into mine, the shattered windows, the blood.
"Heesoo," Soomin calls, "are you okay?" her voice softens.
I'm not, far from it. I avert my eyes down. "Yes."
Soomin narrows her eyebrows as if she doesn't believe me but gives a curt nod. "As I was saying, you've been in a coma for a month now. The crash you were in was severe but miraculously you did not suffer any serious injuries. You had a couple deep cuts from the windshield glass but they've been sewn up. You also broke both your arms, hence the casts. Your right arm was injured less and should have healed by now though. I'll get someone to remove it before you go home."
"I see." I say the second she stops talking. "Did my friends get injured as well? Are they in this hospital too?" I blurt out, unable to think about anything else.
"Are you referring to the girls who were in the car with you?" her voice is uneven although she tries to hide it. Soomin shifts her feet and takes an audible breath as if preparing herself for what she's about to say next. "There's no easy way to say this and I'm sorry to have to be the one to break the news to you but those girls, your friends, they unfortunately all passed away and so did the driver of the car. You were the only survivor of the crash."
It takes me a minute to process Soomin's words. When I finally do, my entire body freezes. So many questions crowd my mind. Passed away? My friends are dead? How could this happen? Why them? Why was it me who survived? I don't deserve this, it should have be me instead of them. After all it was all my fault. If only I didn't force them to go to Saseum Forest with me. If only I let Minji sit in the front seat. She is... was responsible, much more than me. Minji would've told the driver to break when she saw the deer. She wouldn't have been distracted like I was. None of my friends would have. None of them would have let any of us die. Unlike me. Cold sweat drips down my neck.
They died because of me.
They were all only nineteen, they hadn't even graduated from high school yet. Their lives were cut way too short. They'd never get to achieve their dreams; the dream we shared together. They wanted to start a band together; they even chose a name for it: "NewJeans". I was going to be their videographer; the one filming all their music videos, maybe even some sort of documentary or reality show featuring them. I think back to just a day before the accident. We had planned to live together while we attended university. But now I'm all alone. How would I get through high school, university, my whole life without them?
No, I'm being selfish. This isn't about me. What about all of their families? They lost their daughters and it was all because of me being foolish. I feel so many different emotions: grief, sorrow, guilt — even a bit of confusion. Confusion as to how my life went from practically perfect to an absolute train wreck in what felt like a day. My head hurts. My whole body does. I don't know what to do so I just cry. My tears are like a waterfall, continuously streaming down. I sob so loudly that everyone in this room can probably hear. But I don't care, a little embarrassment doesn't compare to the pain of losing my friends. More and more tears keep coming until I can't see anymore. My eyes are puffy and my shirt drenched with tears but I continue. I wail louder and louder, sniffing and gasping with all my energy as if it would somehow bring my friends back.
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CHAPTER END
A/N:
whoa this chapter was pre intense. dw i promise the next chapter will have a bit less angst. somehow i wrote this all in one day? and it's my longest chapter so far too :0 hope u enjoyed, next chapter will be published sometime between feb 11 - feb 16 !!
btw i changed chapter 2 (like you a little) a tiny bit at the very end so reread it if u want bc it might be relevant later on.
once again if u liked it pls consider voting, adding to your reading list, or commenting bc it would mean so much to me <33
