Lets go to Disneyland (10x22)

Happy birthday moose

After the latest episode, I decided some badly written fanfic was in order. I'm very drunk on emotions forgive me

🍭♥️👻
Dean was done with sam. Exasperated, his older brother placed his hands in his pockets and waltzed off grumbling, planning his revenge against the Stynes. Sam stayed, and shivered quietly and then the pain hit him like a punch to the gut. "I killed everyone... I killed Jo, Ellen, ash, Kevin, I killed charlie-"
Sam sputtered out a breath, and wrapping his arms around his freezing waist. "I killed Jess..."

Jess. The thought of her flooded Sam's memory. They say a persons voice is the first thing someone forgets about another person- but sam could still hear her voice- in the sounds of the ocean, in the whistles of trees, in the crackling of the fire in which another innocent was burning in front of him- nobody else was to blame for all of this, he is the reason this perfect girl, his little sister, his girlfriend and all of the others are dead.

He remembers all their names, Sam knows for a fact Dean doesn't, but Sam will never forget them. Every single person who died because of him, is scribed and etched into his memory like the tablets are scribed into Metatron's own. "What would it be like if Id never existed?"

Sam huffed again. He'd thought about it a lot, but now it made more sense for him to not exist than it ever had before. "I've saved less people than I've murdered- because that's what I am; a killer; a worthless nothing."

Sam hadn't realised it until he whimpered, but there were tears streaming and soaking his face all the way down his collar and he was collapsed onto his knees, now unable to choke anymore words out- Dean would say he was weak, and of course Sam would agree with him. Sam truly was pathetic now. But he'd been strong for so long there was nothing else left but this small, simple shuddering shell of a man. He'd tried so hard- to help everyone, and now anyone who he cared about was dead, turned against him, or didn't care anymore. Sam had taken all his bravery left and thrown it away with this last shot, and now- there's him and Charlie's burning body. Everyone he's loved have ended in flames.

Dean was truly getting worse, but only Sam could see it; it was Dean's mannerisms, his occasional comments; Sam knew full well the real Dean was still there somewhere, but was becoming weaker everyday, and there wasn't anything sam could do anymore- he was left with nothing. The real Dean wouldn't have sacrificed Sam to Cole without a second thought, the real Dean would have cared about his baby; his only possession left of his father whom he once was so loyal, the real Dean would look after Castiel even if his grace was back- they- they were all each other had, and now there's nobody. No one but Sam, and his many, many dead friends.

A final shudder came from sam, with a clenching of fists. "What the fuck happened to us?-"

a gush of wind and a flutter of wings were all the sobbing man heard next. A tiny hand had rested on his shoulder but sam didn't flinch. His large palms were tucked deep in his face and honestly he didn't care if it was a friend or enemy- he just wanted to go where he deserved: Back to the cage. The only place he was worthy of.

"Woah Sammich- that's heavy- you really don't want to go back to my bro's bedroom do you?"

Gabriel. Sam let out a choked sob and somehow Sam knew Gabriel was kneeling next to him so the hunter turned, falling right into Gabriel's embrace. Sam weeped louder than he ever had before. Wetting Gabriel's chest as they laid on the ground together. He didn't really care how awkward it was, he really couldn't give any more shits. It was someone he hadn't killed and someone who had come to visit him. 'Someone he hadn't killed-'
"G-Gabriel you're alive?"

Sam pulled up, and realised Gabriel had a bright red face full of shyness and insecurity. He looked at Sam like he was speaking foreign language, and then the Angel's brain clicked back into motion. "huh kiddo? Yeah! Surprise! I was waiting till your birthday but it seems I've..."
Gabriel looked at his wrist like he was searching for the time. "missed that. shit, I'm sorry."