TW: main character death, hanahaki disease cuz we love a lil (lot) angst
(ill write a happy alternate ending and publish it right after this)
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hongjoong bent over the sink again, retching out more flower petals. he had lost count of how long hed been in the bathroom coughing up flowers and blood, specifically marigolds. seonghwa had always loved marigolds. it was bittersweet to hongjoong, not just the mixed taste of blood and flowers, but the whole idea of what was wrong with him; hes dying, but he gets to be reminded of who he loves while this happens. he cant confess to seonghwa anyway, theyre best friends, and it isnt like the feelings would be requited.
his condition had only gotten worse since he developed the disease, it used to only be flower petals coming up every now and then, but he can barely breathe at times now. hongjoong knows hes capable of going to a hospital to remove the infection, but he was still clinging onto hope, hope that seonghwa could ever love somebody like him, hope that he wasnt completely unlovable. he was struggling to get through their performances now, and fans have started to realise. they were bombarding kq's emails, telling, no.. begging them to give him a break.
"what do you mean? i cant go on a hiatus for-"
he paused to cough, catching the petals in his hand.
"sorry, i.. i cant go on hiatus for that long!"
'i dont have long enough left.'
no matter how hard he fought, it proved useless as he was sent home from the practice rooms.
hongjoong knelt on his and seonghwas shared bedroom floor, tears threatening to spill as he choked on flowers that were coming up out of his lungs whenever he coughed. their white tiled floor now had a red puddle below where he was kneeling, orange petals strewn through it. he stood up on shaky legs, it was almost like his body was protesting the movement. he slowly made his way to the bathroom, trying to steady his breathing. once he got to the bathroom, he slid down the shower wall and turned the water on, he was fully clothed, but the water felt nice.
he must have passed out in there at some point, because the next thing he remembered was seonghwa swinging the shower door open in a panic and yelling about how worried he was. seonghwa picked him up, and hongjoong felt his chest tighten, he used to love that feeling, the rush he got whenever seonghwa made him blush, but now he knew it just meant he would get worse again. he felt himself get placed down onto a bed, and he let himself sink into it a little.
after a few seconds, seonghwa spoke,
"why is there blood on the floor, hongjoong?"
seonghwas tone was serious, hongjoong didnt like it. he couldnt tell him what was going on, so he just shrugged.
"HONGJOONG, IF SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU NEED TO TELL US NOW."
hongjoong hated it when seonghwa yelled. his eyes began to water, and with how his day was going, this was his last straw. he brought his knees up to his chest and let himself sob into them, he felt petals and blood falling out of his open mouth. seonghwa engulfed him into a hug, and whispered into his ear so he could hear over his sobs,
"im sorry, i didnt mean to get mad. im just so worried for you."
hongjoong gathered enough composure to talk, but tears still streamed out of his eyes at a steady pace. he looked up at seonghwa, his hair a mess and his eyes bloodshot,
"stop.."
"what?"
"stop worrying about me! im fine! i dont need you!"
'i dont want to die.'
seonghwa glanced at hongjoong one last time before walking to the door,
"okay then, if you need me, call out for me. you should get some rest.."
and he was gone.
hongjoong began to clean his mess up, praying the blood didnt stain anything. luckily, it only got on his clothes when he was on the bed, but the floor was pretty bad. eventually after some hard scrubbing, it looked as good as new.
he thought about what seonghwa said, 'maybe i should tell them whats going on... but i cant, i dont want to stop loving seonghwa.'. he decided to sleep on it, and the moment he got into bed, he was unconscious.
days passed and seonghwa still hadnt spoken to him, yet his condition worsened day by day. at this rate, he wasnt going to make it to next week. he could barely walk or breathe, and every hour he had to rush to the bathroom to make sure he could flush the blood and flowers instead of creating more mess for seonghwa to deal with. he couldnt even keep food down, he could only drink water, and even that was hard. he was fucked.
hongjoong
i think im gonna go visit my family, ill be back in a week. it might make me feel better.
manager-nim
okay, hongjoong. stay safe.
he caught a bus to his parents house, and when he got there he was showered in hugs and kisses. it felt nice. his mother bombarded him with questions about his wellbeing, and his father asked about how work was going. his brother just enjoyed his company while he was there.
"i cant stay for long, only about an hour."
his parents protested, but in the end they understood that hes a busy person. but an hour seems to fly by when you wish it would just last a little longer, huh? he hugged his mother tighter than he ever had, and almost cried, but he stopped himself. he wanted their last memories with him to be happy. despite never having a good relationship with his dad, he told him how much he loves him and looks up to him, which was met with a hug from him.
his brother was the hardest to say goodbye to, they had been best friends for as long as he could remember. hongjoong hugged him for around 45 seconds, being sure to savour the moment.
it was cut short by him almost throwing up blood and petals onto the floor infront of him.
"okay, i have to go. i love you guys so much.."
the bus-ride home was calm, which was surprising. he wasnt sure what to do with the week he had left now.
he knew one thing he had to do.
friday, 2:56pm
hongjoong
i love you
delivered
his week was spent coughing up flowers and blood on the side of a very quiet road so nobody would see him, even if he was spotted, itd be a miracle if somebody helped him.
hongjoong was tired, so tired. he was just going to sleep.. then maybe when he woke up hed try and call someone.
thursday, 5:42pm
seonghwa
what?
seonghwa
i love you too
seonghwa
where are you?
seonghwa
hongjoong??
seonghwa
hello??
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the end lol bros dead as hell
sorry .
this was very lazy btw i just wanted an excuse to write angst
love u guys mwa
