Mentally Occupied

22

She often loses her self-confidence to the extreme. She may have tried to regain it before, but all attempts increased the gap between her and her self-confidence until it became non-existent, and now and in this case she does not have the courage to fight yet. She has the ability to confront, and this does not mean at all stead fast victory. It will enter into a war knowing very well that victory will never be hers at all. An ongoing war because of Malik, who was more angry with Hana, which made him hold Hana's hand more tightly and look at Rufaida angrily. He said:

- Quite the contrary, now I have a good vision, and I think my eyes have recovered, that girl you now make fun of just to feel good about yourself did what you couldn't do. I was able to fill this place that you never sat in.

And Malik pointed to the left side of his chest. He said, completing his speech to Rufaida. He squeezed Hana's hand gently after he gave a friendly look towards her:

- So go on your way, Rufaida. Don't look back. Don't stand in a place that you do not belong to and that does not belong to you. There is no desired benefit from that, especially if no one wants your presence. Do not underestimate yourself more than that and leave.

Wissam's plan seems to have failed. Rufayda did not say a word. She just looked at him in great pain and her tears glistening trapped behind the bars of her eyelids.

Wissam stood up and went towards her after being amazed by Malik's decisive and frank reaction this time. Malik went out with Hana after he had finished speaking, which he wanted to say. Rufayda fell into Wissam's arms crying and her sobbing became louder. Wissam patted Rufayda's back and told her that what happened today was just a round and the match was not over yet.

Immediately out the tears that were trapped inside fell in front of him. She cried for her dream that he would become her husband one day. She would have children with him bearing their features. She would live in his shelter and under his umbrella until all her hair turned gray and her bones thinned. Her name will be associated with his name and one day they will become grandparents who will tell the story of their love to their grandchildren. She will live with him in his small house and leave her father's huge palace devoid of feelings and care. She has her father, nor is he with the social interest that her mother insists on celebrating her birthdays every year.

Hana pulled her hand from Malik's hand. She stopped and cried too. She cried for herself. On her lost femininity, which was scattered by Rufayda's words, and she was unable to respond to her because she thought that every word she said was true, but what Rufayda does not know is that every letter she issued was like daggers that she planted in Hana's chest. Malik looked at her sadly, saying:

- What is this? Are you crying?! Please don't cry, I can't see you in that state. Don't break my heart. Don't be so weak! You look always steadfast and solid. For the first time I see you in such fragility. What happened to you?! You've been through worse than that and you've never been so shaken or fall. You were always and forever steadfast. I may not have known you for a long time, but it is certainly enough for me to know and understand you well.

Hana screamed at him while catching her breath with great difficulty and said among her sobs:

- I may not be shaking but I spent a few days consoling myself. My strength that all my energy will drain. I did not fall, but my attempt to remain steadfast and standing on my feet exhausted me more than falling. Perhaps you did not bat an eyelid from the outside, but my heart turned upside down. Inside me, my soul bled over and over again. I tried to hold on well but this does not deny the painful truth that exists after the word. Maybe because I refused to give up when I needed to give up the most, I should have a stop. Fighting at a time when I found no enemy in front of me but myself.

We resist and resist until we surrender and fall captive to despair and frustration from a simple word that carries us dozens of times greater and heavier than it on the soul, then we throw ourselves on the land of our lives to discover that it is bare, solid, rough, and cold, so our adherence to despair increases and we feel that the end is much better than continuing in this absurdity.

Hana covered her face as she tried to hide the tears she had shed. She wiped her tears and went back to talking to Malik, but this time her voice had calmed down a bit, although her sobbing had increased. She said while wiping her nose with a tissue in her hands:

- It would be wise for me to stop fighting myself, I should have made peace, but I resisted. It went out. I cried for the most trivial reasons, and now I blame myself.

Malik knows this situation very well and has gone through it before. During his university studies, he was far from his family, a stranger in a country where he did not know anyone, and the money that his father and mother sent her was not enough, but he clung to his dream and finished his studies and continued his career in that country until he became of Like her, when he entered the company for the first time to apply for a job in it, his appearance was very shabby, but he was clean in any case, like Hana's appearance now, and with his first salary he spent most of it on buying new clothes for him, and with the passage of months the clothes accumulated in him to become the most elegant young man in the company, this It is the difference between him and Hana, he was not satisfied with his appearance and tried his best to change it, but she is satisfied with her appearance knowing that it is below standard. Malik squeezed Hana's hand gently, he felt the coldness of her hand creeping into him, he tried to warm her up and said while looking at her:

- Why did it get so big all of a sudden? We can stop doing that if you want, I thought it would be fun and we wouldn't take it so seriously, that's my own problem and me alone who should face That alone. I'm really sorry for getting you into my own problem. I should have faced it on my own and I promise I'll stay away from you and cause you no more pain. You make it sound like I found you bleeding and I couldn't close those wounds or even let them heal on their own. It makes me feel bad about myself!

Hana wiped her tears and her nose. Tears trickled down her cheeks like liquefied pearls. Malik wiped the remaining tears with the tips of his fingertips. Collecting with what was left of her strength she justified herself:

- You really don't know what I mean! I still want to help you, but I don't know why I took Rufayda's words to me seriously. Why couldn't I reply to her and make fun of her, and why am I crying now instead of thanking you for defending me in front of her. I don't know anything but that whenever I swear to be stronger is to prove to myself that I am weaker than it is. I don't keep the promises I make, but I keep believing in myself every time. Tell me it will be the last time.

Then Hana was silent for a while, trying to arrange even that random, neglected sadness inside her. She encouraged:

- Malik.. How do I look?

- What?

Hana raised her head towards Malik and said:

- Tell me what my features look like?

At that time, Malik realized that Rufayda's words penetrated the heart of Hana's soul, and that these words that any young woman says who feel jealous found fertile ground for Hana's psyche to grow and flourish. She asks Malik in astonishment:

- Hana.. Do you think you aren't beautiful?

Hana looked at him stupidly. How could she know the answer to such a question She wanted him to tell her and answer her and respond to Rufaida's words that stabbed her. She bleed. She wants him to heal the bleeding wound in her soul and restore her self-confidence, or to put her on the path to that. The chasm you fell into.

Hana remembered Rufayda's words and her sarcasm of her. While Malik stood silent, amazed, waiting for a response to his question. Malik's eyes remained fixed on Hana, waiting for an answer to his question. Hana realized her straying and said to him:

- I don't think so, but my lack of knowledge makes me think about that possibility as well. You may think that I am crazy when you know that I do not have a mirror in my house and avoid looking at it. I don't look at any mirror anywhere. I rocked the one in my house about a year ago. I didn't see myself after my mother's death until now. I have not looked in a mirror, nor have one. I didn't see myself. I do not see my future. I do not know how much my appearance has changed in that period. How does my hair look? Is it random that I didn't see him slap him? Which colors do not suit me and what does my face look like when I look at it? I forgot my features, how are they now?