On the Hands of a Broken Clock

Chapter 10: Hindsight

A little while later, when the Doctor's absentmindedly fiddling with the console to keep his nerves in check, Amy wakes from the longest sleep she's ever had. Curled on one of the jump seats, his jacket is laid over her like a blanket, tucked under her chin. She's never felt so dizzy.

"Amy. Hey. Back with us?" The Doctor steps over to her, features flooding with concern.

He's hoping that the first thing that comes out of her mouth is going to be broad and smiling and Scottish, and that when he takes her by the wrist, he's going to feel two heartbeats instead of one. But he already knows he will. Because he can feel it through the Time Loop.

Amy sits up warily, clutching onto tweed, looking around as if a very vivid nightmare as has just escaped her.

"...What happened?" She doesn't think her head will ever stop spinning.

"Don't you remember?"

"I remember... you?" She catches the Doctor's eye warily. "We were in that room with the pocket watch and the chameleon arch. You looked at me all funny, and-" Amy stops. The realisation hits her. "I was screaming."

"Yes." The Doctor admits. He doesn't think he'll ever forget the sound of it.

"...Did I forget you?" It's the worst thought in the universe. She's trying to decipher an answer from his look alone, but the Doctor just sighs at her.

"I had no choice."

"You shouldn't have done that. I told you I-"

"Hey." The Doctor stops her mid-sentence, taking her by the wrist. Standing her up gently, he runs a thumb over her skin. "It's all fixed now. Look."

Amy looks down at the palms of her hands, the Doctor's fingertips resting on her veins. Two heartbeats thump in her ears, but still, she can't help but think of the alternative.

"But I don't understand, why did High Council let us both live? That wasn't the deal."

The Citadel trial had been going back and forth for hours about the terms of their punishment. It had seemed inescapable. But now, none of that seems to have mattered at all. She and the Doctor are standing here like it might be any other day, and there's so much she doesn't know. There's so much she doesn't remember.

"I... arranged it." The Doctor lets out a small smile, although the sight of the pocket watch shattering in front of him is still burnt in the back of his mind. He tries not to think about it. It makes his gut hurt. He watches Amy consider.

"...Was she nice? The other girl? The other me?"

"She wasn't you." The Doctor says firmly, dropping her hands. English Amy had been wonderful and skeptical, and willing to stop existing for this all to happen, but she hadn't been the same. She never would have been.

"...Sure?"

"Completely." He's adamant.

"So, it's really all better?" Amy's still trying to get it straight in her head. What she does remember is hazy at best, and she wants to know everything. The pocket watch, the chameleon arch, the escape from Gallifrey... perhaps tonight, she might convince the Doctor to tell her about it properly. He could sit by the fire in the library and let his hearts out. There's always a second time for everything.

"It's all better. Promise." The Doctor affirms, holding out open arms to her. "...C'mere."

Without even having to think about it, Amy steps forward and sinks into his embrace. Head on his shoulder, arms clasped at his waist, she thinks she could stay like this forever, swaying gently, the Doctor resting his chin on the top of her head. It seems like it's been ages since the two of them have been able to stand like this, out of watchful view of the Time Lords, the preying eyes of the rest of the universe. It's like that night by the fire all those days ago. Running a hand over the creases in his shirt, Amy hums quietly into is collar and the Doctor almost cries.

"I am never losing you again. Don't put me through that, okay?"

"...Promise I won't. Thank you."

"Don't mention it." The Doctor whispers back, placing a hand briefly in the mess of her hair. "You're safe now."

But it's at this that Amy pulls away.

"But won't they find us again? I mean-" She's thinking of the power of the Time Lords, staring dejectedly at the Doctor. Surely, they can drag them back to Gallifrey just as fast as they did the first time? The scrambled signal. The shock of the lightning. She doesn't think she's ever felt the TARDIS summersault quite so hard before.

"No. They won't." The Doctor swivels on his feet away from her, staring determinedly down at the levers on the console. "I'm going to put a block on the TARDIS. No more hijacking. No more going to that bit of the universe. No more Gallifrey. Never again." He looks up and smiles at her.

"But Rassilon..." Amy doesn't really have a word to describe how much she hates that that man. "Your people are there. And you've only just found them. You won't ever be able to see them again if you do that."

She's thinking about his wife and his children. The little huts sinking into the sand. The ruined desert with the twin suns shining over the snow-capped mountains and the silver trees. But it's obvious the Doctor isn't. He's staring straight at her.

"You are my people, Ames. Look."

He speaks to her through the Time Loop. There's two of us. His voice echoes inside her head.

"Yeah, but-"

"And I cut us off from the rest of them. No more interruptions. No more echoes. Just us. And the rest of the universe. There's an eternity out there waiting."

"...Are you sure?"

She knows she's already asked him that. But she wants to be doubly, completely sure. He hopes he's not just rushing into this. It seems insane after everything they've just been through. But the Doctor fixes his bow tie by way of an answer.

"I'm sure about everything."

And a small smile creeps upon Amy's lips. "I'll hold you to that, mister."

"Oh, you'd better." He strolls around the circumference of the console, sticking his hands into his pockets like the very first time he'd asked. "So. All of time and space. Anywhere and everywhere. Where to next?"

She'd been expecting him to take a few days off, at least. A week hanging around in the TARDIS, getting used to their predicament, maybe going somewhere quiet where monsters can't get at them. But the Doctor just grins at her. "It's entirely your choice."

Copper walls gleaming in the reflection of the time rotor, staircases leading up and up, there are four heartbeats echoing around the room, blending in with the groaning of the engines.

Being with the Doctor forever.

Amy hadn't known what it would look like when she had asked for it. When the Vota made her wish come true. But, standing as they are now, the two of them poised by the atom accelerator in their little blue box, ready for absolutely everything –

She had hoped it would look something like this.

The Doctor smiles at her in the silence, following her train of thought through the Time Loop. Maybe, just maybe, after everything they've been put through, they might be able to be happy now. They might even be able to be content. After all, he thinks he knows the truth now.

Hindsight is, without a doubt, the worst curse in the universe.

There's no getting away from it.

But sometimes, very, very rarely; it's also the best.

Amy's hand is resting on the console, and he reaches out to take it, fingers interlocking over her knuckles, thumb finding the edge of her wrist. He leaves it there for a few moments, letting it all sink in. He's got her back. They both made it out of there, alive and two hearted. He's not a murderer, or a coward, or the destroyer of worlds. Whatever the Time Lords decide to do next is entirely their business. He's never felt so free before. He could let his hearts out about anything, but he doesn't even have anything left to confess.

It's Amy's choice, wherever they go next.

But where they actually end up is a good as anyone's guess.

The Doctor reaches out his other hand over the console, coming down on the handbrake.

The TARDIS' central column rises and falls with the rhythm of the universe, and when he releases it, they're off.