Leave Me Breathless

Chapter 6

It's a pain to remember

But a strain to forget

Should've gone on a bender

Gotten out of my head

People in the Way - Maria McKee

    John sat on Marlena's couch in her office, with a cup of hospital coffee in his hand, and told her, "I want you, Sami, and Belle to move in with Kristen and I for awhile. At least until we can locate Stefano, and make sure he isn't a danger to you anymore."

    Marlena looked at him unblinking for a moment, and said, "No. No, I don't think that's a very good idea, John." The intensity of his stare was making her uncomfortable, and she'd had some odd dreams the day before. Although John had never said, she did anything inappropriate when she was under the influence of the drugs she was injected with, she wasn't so sure. In her dreams, she said things, to John, to Tom...things she would never, never say aloud. She wasn't brave enough to ask if she'd actually said them. "You and Kristen are about to start a family. My family is not your responsibility, John."

    John wanted to argue that they were. They were his responsibility, but he didn't. "Doc, you don't understand," he told her, leaning forward, and placing his coffee on the small table in front of him. "This was Kristen's idea. She's worried about you. She's worried about Belle and Sami."

    Marlena wished she could hate Kristen, but the woman was one of the nicest people she'd ever met, sickeningly so sometimes, and that just made her desire for John even more guilt laden. She still couldn't fathom that someone so nice, was raised by Stefano DiMera. "I'll accept a guard outside the house, but I can't move in with you, John." She wanted to add, because it would hurt too much, but she stayed silent on that front.

    He stood, moving to sit on the end of the table, facing Marlena in her chair. Reaching for both of her hands, he whispered, "Please, Doc? Can you do this for me? I'm so worried. Sami's phone call the other morning nearly killed me. I was in a panic trying to get to you, and I know you're not my responsibility, but I—I care for you. You know that, and those kids, too. I will always consider Sami my daughter, and Belle...G-d, Doc, I love that little girl as if she were my own."

    She was quiet for a moment, and she said, "I think this might be...difficult."

    "Why? Because of Sami? Doc, she's warming up to me again. What she did was so dangerous. She went after someone twice her size to save you...he could have hurt her. You know she's impulsive. She doesn't think things through, and Stefano is determined to have you," John said.

    "No...no, he'll get over that. He'll move on from this," she said softly, looking down at where John leaned forward, and held her hands in his. His thumb stroked over the top of her hand in a gentle caress, and she wanted so much more.

    "No. He won't," John told her. "Doc, you don't understand the pull you have. You have this ability to get inside a man's soul—"

    His words surprised her, "—what?"

    His intense blue eyes caught hers when she looked up, and he said, "You don't even realize it. Stefano won't give up." One of his hands moved along her cheek softly, a bare whisper against her skin, "I can't lose you again, Doc. I can't."

    She was caught up in the feel of him, the intensity of the moment, "Again?"

    John could feel the pain, as if it were fresh. The loss he'd felt after her plane went down. The fury and rage he'd held towards himself. Towards Orpheus. He'd been without her for five years, trying as hard as he could to move on, always to be held back by memories of her. And when she returned, he was too scared to reach for her...too scared to hold onto her. "Doc, when we lost you back in '87, my world collapsed. I can't go through that again."