A/N: Yes, I know...I need to stop disappearing for 2 weeks. I'm aware.
"Sometimes I feel comforted by the quiet, It feels beneficial to step out of myself for a while and try to see who I am. But sometimes it feels like if I stay out of my body for too long, I'll get lost outside of it.
I don't know why I've felt like this for the past week. It kind of felt like my brain detached from my body and then my body decided to work on a low-battery autopilot. My brain of course was too busy swallowing itself.
It honestly shocked me how deep the inside of my head is, and how sometimes if I dive too deep I'll drown.
It's felt like for the past few weeks I've tried to find myself. But questioning it once again makes me feel like I've done the opposite.
What if I've surrounded myself with so many people that It just feels like I'm trying to fill the void of "who am I" or "what's missing from me"
The pain and confusion about having something feel missing or empty from you really fucks with your head.
I've done so many things, and experienced so much in the past weeks that I feel like it just came crashing down on me.
I think of it like my brain's disk space got filled up. I spent 3 weeks with my days full of fun, productivity, and enjoyment.
But maybe that was the complete opposite of what I needed.
I thought I was finding myself yet I was just slowly filling up an empty cup until it overflowed.
What I really needed to be doing was sitting in silence.
I think the mental breakdown that lasted for a week was one of the worst and best times of my life.
I remember just sitting in bed, crying or staring at the ceiling, There was no noise or no sign of life in my apartment besides me and gimbo, and that really helped.
Even though it felt like the world was collapsing on me, in those moments of solitude I regained control of my brain.
I could finally analyze and feel my thoughts and feelings instead of replacing them and filling a voice with activities.
I know I hurt people in the process by pushing them away, and I truly feel bad for that.
But now I wonder, what if I hadn't broken down like that? What if I had filled the cup so high that the whole cup ended up exploding?"
I take in a large breath,
"In conclusion, I'm sorry, but I needed that space, maybe not in the right what of achieving it, but I needed it"
I finish off, turning to Vic who has tears in her eyes. Everyone's quiet in Damiano's apartment. I'd gathered them here today, obviously with the forcing and help of Damiano, to tell them how I've felt.
And to obviously fix my relationship with Vic.
"I'm sorry bella" The blonde finally springs up, wiping her tears on her sleeve and walking right into my arms. I chuckle as I hug her back, getting a faceful of her hair.
