The Thistles of Rose

22 • Loathsome

TW: Mentions of Self Harm/Suicide

♕ Rose ♕

He got his wish. It's been two days and I can't escape the feeling of him filling me full. It's a craving that can't be satisfied until he gets back.

Luca's made it a habit to ensure I know he hasn't forgotten me while he's away. Every morning at 10 am, I get flowers delivered to the house from him and the card inside is his little daily love poem to me.

Marco hates it because he has hay fever and Maya hates it because she says it makes her feel too single.

I park my new car in the bay of the school parking lot, shutting it off. Maya is already standing there in a t-shirt that reads 'in your dreams' tucked into her denim shorts. She bounces on her heels when she sees the car and jumps in the front seat.

As I rest my head back, I catch a group of girls, who look like they're seniors, gawking my way, admiringly. I can tell in the way their eyes widen and their jaws hang open that they wish to be me.

But, realistically, you don't want to be.

All they see is a woman who's about to marry the most powerful man in the world, wearing RayBan wayfarer sunglasses and diamonds driving around in a white Range Rover.

They don't see the sleepless nights or suicidal thoughts. They don't see me sobbing into a baby blanket at 2 am or flinching whenever someone gets angry. They don't see the scars from my abuse. They don't see the wounds from my grief.

I feel like screaming at them: you don't want to be me.

"Hey," she chirps, putting her seatbelt on.

"How did your project go?" I ask, sliding the sunglasses up my head.

"I got an A!" She cheers, rustling the paper in my face. I beam at her in response knowing just how much effort she put into that.

Then, the car door opens and Roman jumps in the back seat. I turn my head to him and he hangs his head low. "How was your day?"

"Good," he mumbles, not looking up at me. He digs his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, staring at the floor with tense muscles.

I glance over at Maya who awkwardly slides her fingers into her hair, looking out the window. She's turned away from me too.

I sigh and ask no one in particular, "what happened?"

"Ooh, look at you. Little miss corporate baddie," Maya runs her brown eyes over my outfit with a lively smile.

"Don't deflect," I warn her then look back at Roman, "spill. I'm not leaving here until you do."

Roman glances up at me with weary eyes and I can tell he's about to say something but Maya cuts him off, eagerly shaking her head.

"I don't want to lie to her, Maya," he bites back at her with scorn.

"She's gonna go into crazy Mom mode," she whispers, harshly. I listen closely to their exchange as it seems like they think I've faded into the background or something.

Finally, Roman lifts his head and stares right at me. I see the defeat and honesty in his eyes as he mutters, "I got into a fight."

"It's the first day back, Roman," I exhale a tired breath.

He flares up, agitatedly defending himself, "some guy started running his mouth about me. I wasn't just going to stand there and take it."

And I thought Luca and Marco were too much ego in the house. Now, throw in a 14-year-old, hormonal teenager.