The Spirit of Woe

10 - Lost Sun

Poor Martin, sitting all alone in his room, twice as bad of a state than last time.
Gripping his hair, hyperventilating. He taped the mirror shut with black tape, shut the blinds not letting any sunlight come out.
He had to do something, something to cope.
Nothing could numb his pain. Oh, how the spirit of woe was lingering in the air, having him in a choke hold.

He didn't get it, he couldn't u̵n̵d̴e̵r̶s̶t̶a̵n̸d̵. What was wrong with him? Why was life treating him like this?
Has he been ungrateful? Has his doubts reached so far that they came true?
Whatever it is, he thought fate was unfair. It was unfair seeing all the happy media of friends living til old age, staying together, even without constant arguments.
What had gone wrong?

The thoughts kept rushing and the lump in his throat came back up.
Keith had moved out to a different room now that three more rooms opened up, he was alone in his own room now.
Maybe he had to spend more time with them and all this wouldn't have happened?
Oh, he can keep on guessing and thinking, but nothing will change what has happened.
It's just life.


He looked down, dizzy. Inspecting his room, he walked through all the empty bottles on his floor. He tied his hair in a ponytail, it has grown so much. But this time there wasn't a Thomas to cut it. There also wasn't a Mazzy to watch over everyone or a Martha, that cheered everyone up with her bright character. It stung his heart.
Hitting the table harshly, he cried out in anger.
Why?
He tossed everything away aggressively against the wall.
What could he have done?
He tossed the bottles, shattering them to the ground.
Oh, how funny he looked!
He kept hitting the wall til his knuckles bled.
S̵o̷ ̶h̵u̵r̸t̵:)

Pulling the drawers out, he rummaged through his stuff, desperately seeking for something.
Suddenly, his mind flashed over memories of him as a teen.
He pulled out something he used to use, something the doctor prescribed against his depression when it got severe.
Something he wasn't allowed to have anymore, but he still had it in situations like these.
He held a bottle of fentanyl, smashing a pill and sniffing it in for faster effect.
Falling on the floor, he stared at the ceiling, feeling his brain almost immediately go fuzzy and everything spinning.
He laughed, joy flowed through his veins, pupils extremely dilating.
Tears stung his eyes, but he kept laughing, he didn't realize he was out of his room by now.
His organism was already puking the substance out, shaking, but he couldn't care.

Not like he remembered what happened next.



Light stung his eyes, he got hit with the worst headache and nausea.
He flinched as he felt something moving his hair.
"You awake?" A man spoke.
Martin groaned, flipping around, realizing he's in a bed, naked.
"What? Ugh, where is..." he reached his hand out to see if there were any pills nearby.
"After yesterday, only thing I can give you is this." The man handed Martin two white pills.
"It will help you with the headache and stuff.." Then he handed a glass of water.
Chugging it down, he brushed his eyes, squeezing them to make them focus.
The vision got clear and he saw Nafaa staring at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"How did I end up here?" Martin questioned.
"You kinda got really high... and barged in my room."
"And.. why am I naked?" The elder fearfully asked.
"Don't worry, you were just so high you tried fucking my wall thinking it was me." Nafaa kept petting Martin's head.
"You do questionable stuff when under dose." the younger chuckled, looking down, remembering last night.
"At least we didn't fuck, right?"
"Yep."
"Great."
Martin looked away from the smaller boy, feeling shame.
Nafaa took care of him... but, all that Martin could seem to do is keep hurting him.
With all this thinking, his head stroke him with another headache.

"How long have you been petting me?" Martin asked, looking back at Nafaa's eyes.
"Since I woke up."
"And that was when?" The question made Nafaa grimace, pink lighting his face up.
"I'm guessing it was long time ago." They sat in silence. Unsure if they were comfortable or awkward. Whichever it was, there was a mix of tension.
"You know, I gave it a thought and I wanted to apologize.. for the last time." Nafaa's expression sparked, looking at Martin in hope.
"But I still don't think Keith could do such, it's just. Hard to comprehend you know?"
"I know." Nafaa responded, hugging his own knees, "May fate and time give us the right answer."
Such an answer from the boy made Martin cringe, knowing that fate, in his opinion, was quite a bitch.

"Also, I made you chicken fillet with macaroni, if you're hungry.." The younger shrugged.
Martin's stomach soon grumbled, signaling to eat.
"Sure." he finally got out of bed, making the younger smile.
"Let's go."


Once they were in the kitchen, Nafaa was warming up the food, swaying around and humming.
Martin enjoyed the view.
But as soon as he was in silence between him and himself, his memories got back.
He will never see Mazzy, Martha nor Thomas again. It made his heart stab right through once again.
Looking at the boy, so positive and shining like sun, his mindset changed.
So long, he kept locking himself away, using substances and everything. Maybe, the universe was telling him that all this time he just needed to do a move?

Fear crept in, what if Nafaa passes away next?
He cannot let that happen, nor experience that anytime soon.

So he stood up and walked to the swaying boy.
Nafaa felt arms around his waist and a body press against his back. Warmth.
They made eye contact, not speaking a word.
It felt like Martin's world slowed, this time, not out of pain, but out of rush.
Adrenaline coursed through his veins, sending blood to his face, making him red.

The microwave beeped, sending them out of the moment, making Martin act immediately, to not slip this away.
"What were you humming before?"
"Cat."
"Cat?"
Nafaa turned to face the taller one, giving him his plate, smiling widely.
"Cat from Minecraft, you know?" he sat down, examining the tall brunet, checking every bit of him out.
"I... see." Martin smiled back, taking a bite out of the food.
"This is good!" he complimented, making Nafaa smile somehow even wider.
Nafaa was his sunshine in the darkest moments.

Martin was Nafaa's sunshine in the darkest moments.
Until something blocked the rays.
"Got some for me, Nafason?" Keith chimed in.
Nafaa gave a sour expression, making Keith puzzled.
"You're still grumpy?"
"We were having a moment..." Nafaa whispered.
"Martin! Wanna go to a park later today?"
Keith asked, Martin noticed Nafaa's expression drop.
"Err, why not all three of us?" Martin offered.
"What?!" Keith and Nafaa yelped in sync, making eye contact almost immediately and giving each other angry looks.

"C'mon guys, it's a tough time right now. It would be best if y'all could behave just once. So?"
The offering wasn't that bad since they weren't two alone.
"Well, at least you didn't turn it down cause of that pity boy." Keith scolded, Nafaa rolled his eyes.
Martin sighed, mood slowly dropping, "This will be hard."


As Martin drove to the biggest park of the city, it was sunset already.
Keith hopped out of the passenger seat, Nafaa right behind him.
"Why do I always sit at the behind and Keith in the front?" The youngest asked, crossing his arms.
"Cause I am just better!" Keith mocked the smaller. Martin was in thought, why didn't he?
No time for that, they had to go before it was really late.
Admiring the views, red and clear sky with sounds of water not far away, trees surrounded around them with a specific path leading them through.
Keith sighed, grabbing by Martin's arm, "Isn't it beautiful?"
"Indeed it is." Martin responded, relieved.
Nafaa was walking behind them, feeling like a left over. The third wheel.
He felt sorrow, as not only the actual sun was setting, but so was his emotional one.

"Oh! Look, Martin! Popcorn and cotton candy!" Keith pointed, running towards the salesman.
"Can we buy some?" he pleaded, Martin easily agreed.
The elders heart tore as he saw Nafaa walking by himself, looking at the ground.
"Nafaa, want to share cotton candy?" Martin asked.
"Not a fan of sweets." The boy shrugged, emotionlessly.
Martin frowned and bought one anyways.
He watched as Keith hopped around in front of him and Nafaa with popcorn in his hands.
He ignored every negative feeling creeping up at him. He had to live this moment.

He felt like him and Nafaa were like parents, watching over their kid.
Suddenly, he felt a tug at the cotton candy and a hand grab his.
Looking towards the boy next to him, he took a small part of the cotton and was eating it as he held hands.
Martin's eyes glistened.
"Uhm, I still don't really like it..." Nafaa kept looking away, shyly.
"At least you tried it." Martin noted, pulling Nafaa closer in a side hug.
Finally, they made eye contact, smiling at each other.
Keith turned around, searching for the two men. As he noticed how they were like with each other, he did not react positively.
His face got dark and he stopped his cheerful hopping.

"Martin? Can you maybe share the cotton candy with me too?" Keith forcefully smiled, stopping the two men in their trance.
"Uhm, you got popcorn tho?"
"I got tired of it." Keith talking made Nafaa's mood darken again. Why had it had to be like this?
"Sure then?" Martin took a part of it and handed over to Keith.
The brunet, instead, ate it from his hand, smiling ever so sweetly at him, making Martin tense.
Nafaa did not like this, seemingly his dark expression made Keith satisfied.
"Thank you, Martin!" he hugged Martin tightly.
That was it.

Keith was on the ground now, bleeding out of his nose.
"What the fuck?" Keith stared at Nafaa, eyes widened.
"Do you not get tired of these stupid mind games?" Nafaa strictly asked.
Drifting his eyes towards the taller man, he stared into his icy, blue eyes, "Let's go, Martin."
As he walked forward, expecting Martin to be right after him, he looked back, seeing Martin completely still.
"Martin?"
"Nafaa." the tone he gave to the youngest back was chilling.
The brunet got goosebumps as he felt fear.
"If you don't decide to change and TRY to get along, I will kick you out."
Such words dig deep in Nafaa's heart, tears threatening to shed almost immediately.
"You don't mean that right? KEITH is the one that needs to change!"
Silence.
"At least Keith isn't jealous over tiny shit."
"Tiny- Martin, are you hearing yourself?" Nafaa started getting mad.
"Do you know what you just did?" Martin leaned down, trying to help Keith.
"He tried to-"
"He didn't do anything and you just attack him!" Martin screamed, every developed feeling seemed to leave him right at this moment.
"Show some respect or walk home yourself."
"Fuck no, I am not showing him nothing like that."
"Then LEAVE." Martin commanded, making Nafaa shiver.
"You're not serious right now, right?"
No response, Nafaa gripped his fists and grunted.
"Fine." And so, he left.

"Keith, you okay?" Martin sadly asked.
"I guess I am." Keith sighed, getting up.
"I think it's time to go home." the taller told.

It was completely dark now, passing every street light, more regret filled Martin.
Maybe, he shouldn't have let anger take control of the situation, but it was too late.
Martin grimaced deeply.
He did it once again, he ruined something. 
How much worse can it get?


Days passed and Nafaa was still not home.
Martin was sickly worried.
Keith kept trying to calm him down.
"He will be back! And if he decides to be a coward and not show back up, it will be his fault. Don't be upset, Martin."
It didn't help.
He felt fear.
What if something happened to him?
What if he got the same fate as the others?
And he let it happen.
He gripped his face in despair, ready to scream.

Two weeks passed since Nafaa disappeared.
He thought hope was gone.
He thought of a lot of 'coping' measures.
He thought... of being next.
Maybe Nafaa was right, maybe Keith was trying to get rid of everyone.
But, Martin would of been an easy target right now.
So vulnerable, yet...


He met Nafaa again.
He was supposed to be so happy.
That was if he didn't find him holding a knife against Keith.