Favourite Crime

Haoun

I was a stubborn bastard.

Every part of me yelled not to agree.

But who was I, if I couldn't even face that place? Was I still the fearsome gang boss, the clever gambling house owner, the notorious thief if the part of my life from before I built anything of it still affected me?

So naturally, I agreed.

I agreed to go to Koewrim with Cada.

It was a month after the painting heist, when they had the means to travel there. A carriage.

It was a day's ride so we left in the morning, reaching close to dawn.

They had picked up books for the road, but I was the only one reading. They were too distracted by the routes we took, all directed by me to be discreet and fast.

They tried not to fall asleep. I pretended not to notice the cat and mouse between them and sleep. They pretended they weren't waking up every few minutes but had been awake the entire time.

The sky had begun to light up again when we reached. I had seen the ruins again, years ago, but it was like the first time again, because once again, things had changed.

The rebuilding had begun, and the barn stood there once more.

There were few other structures. I walked with them as Cada walked through what was once barren. They looked at the woods, and while I was hit by memories with their every step, their face remained only curious.

It angered me.

I was angry, not at them, but the people who had done this to them. Ripped them away from their life to be trapped in a facility to be monitored and tested. Sure, there wouldn't be much of a life had they been destined to die like most of the others, but perhaps I still believed they could have saved us.

Perhaps I just wanted them to remember me.

I often found myself debating what was a worse fate. Forgetting the difference between a living person and a corpse, or being trapped in a lab and treated like a specimen.

"When was the last time you were here?" They asked me.

"Eight years ago."

"What did it look like then?"

"Like a wasteland." I felt their bracelet on my hand under my sleeve. I planned to return it.

They walked to the barn. There were no animals there but it was the only building that was open and they went in for a moment.

I knew I shouldn't follow.

I did.

Sometimes, ego is a bad thing. It makes you do things you can't. Just to prove you are more than what you are.

I wanted to prove that I'm more than a scared boy.

They were about to leave, but when they saw me come in, they paused.

"It's different." I said.

"There was a barn back then too?"

"Yes. The wood was darker." I put my hand on the wall. "The ceiling was lower." I tried to even my breathing but the flashes of burning children and burning walls was succeeding at not letting me. "The door... its different." I tried to convince myself.

"Haoun, what's wrong?" They put their hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged them off and left the barn.

Outside, I focused on other things. Things that reminded me less of what I had done and more of what others had done.

The feeling of being wronged by others was derogatory. The feeling of wronging one's own self was worse.

"Haoun." They called for me.

"Are you done wishing for things to undo themselves?"

They stared at me. "Are you done wishing the same?"

"I accepted the truth of what happened ages ago, Shade."

"Did you? Because just now, you nearly had a panic attack. And I assume you were trying to prove yourself tough enough to face the facts, is that right?"

I glared at them. "So you're tough, then? Since you don't remember shit and can simply walk around here with no response in yourself?"

They looked towards the buildings. "I just thought I might..."

"You hoped. Just like I did. Perhaps its time we accept that hope is not for people like us in a world like ours."

I think I saw them blink back tears. "Where were you, Haoun?"

"What?"

"Where were you when our town was being destroyed?"

It took me a long while to respond. Then I nodded towards the barn. "In there."

They nodded abd pulled out from inside their clothes a matchbox. "Do you want to burn it down again?"

I looked at them, then the matchbox, then the barn, then back at them. "Yes."

It was fully light now, but that didn't stop us from lighting up the whole box of matches and throwing it at the barn.

We retreated to the carriage and from there we watched the barn catch on fire.

People that had been sleeping started to take notice.

We stayed for a while, moving further away but still watching the barn burn while people tried to salvage it. They'd noticed late though. The building was already breaking down.