I Hope So

"I will do so."

I stared at him.

I almost wanted to smile.

Killing jinko? Me? That was.. Well, this was an amazing opportunity.

I'd always wanted to rid this earth of that pathetic weretiger.

Then, though, why did a creeping sensation of some deep-seated disgusting feeling infect the fringes of my conscious mind?

My head jerked slightly to the side, as though I were attempting to rid myself of such unpleasant feelings. I noticed my gaze had fallen to the ground, and was tinged with a crazed stare of light and indecisive anxiety.

Oh. I forgot the mafioso was awaiting my response. With slight hidden embarrassment, my face assumed its usual composition of a slight look of disdain.

"I will do so. Let boss know." The eyes of the man were obscured by dark lenses, and the expression likewise rather hidden, but he nodded prudently and turned away, beginning at a quick walk. I watched him emotionlessly, mentally waiting for only God knows what.

I closed the door of my residence with a click, noting the familiar creak. I returned swiftly towards my seat near the window. My eyes were focused on utter nothingness, and my face was as though it had simply been that of a wax, unmoving doll's.

"I will kill him." I muttered aloud, barely moving my lips.

It seemed, however, an uncertain statement, as though merely testing the idea, which bothered me greatly.

What is this? What is the meaning of this?

I could not assemble my steaming, violent sense of duty and bloodlust - it seemed to simply be absent. My eyes darted, somewhat nervously, looking at nothing in particular.

I could not have this weakness - I must regain my senses and put aside such foolish feelings. God dammit, that disgusting tiger, making me feel so very idiotic! I flexed my left hand aggressively, and made it into a tight fist, despite the pain of my nails biting into my skin.

I heard the door creak and click shut, and I paused momentarily in surprise, still staring at the chair across the room like a dazed animal.

Oh. It's probably Gin. Of course.

It's honestly admirable how quietly she's able to approach.

I turned my body to look at the figure, and was met by the silver-gray and soft eyes I'd known for all of the 18 years of her life. Likewise, her attention was turned to me, and she seemed... What was it, confused? Scared? Concerned?

Ah, that's it. Concerned..

About me?

Something came up in my throat, so I uncontrollably coughed as gently as I could whilst facing the right, with my pale hand automatically raised to cover my mouth, barely brushing over my lips. My body shook in fits with the coughs, and my core felt flimsy and weakened.

"Ah, Gin." I greeted her in the usual fashion, as soon as I was able to muster the words. She looked still and steadily with her worried eyes straight into mine, as though searching for something within me.

I felt uneasy.

Was I doing something wrong.. Was my current behavior any cause for worry?

I opened my mouth and inhaled, intending to ask her those very questions. Then, I thought better of it and closed my mouth, averting my gaze from her face somewhat shyly. She looked as though she pitied me, and was about to come over, but instead put a finger up to communicate what I assume meant that she needed a second. Crouching down, she began to take off her shoes next to the door. I suddenly was overwhelmed by the sense of deep dread that had stricken me as she watched me previously, and felt that I must prevent her approach at any cost.

There was something I could not have loose and visible near my surface at the moment.

I hesitated, but guiltily stood up and hastily dashed at a strenuously controlled pace towards my room, slowly facing and closing the door. I remained standing for a moment, my hand still on the brass doorknob.

I was caught again by a sudden convulsion of coughing, and stumbled to my tatami mat, sitting down. I edged myself to the wall until I was propped up against it fully, and watched the grey ceiling without any expression.

Could I do it.. Could I kill the wereti-

Wait.

What am I asking?! Of course I can..

Actually, I didn't want to think about it.. Nevermind.

It made something disagreeable stir within my soul. For the next hour, I remained motionless, with my eyes fixed upon the ceiling, waiting for something and basking in glorious, horrendous nothing. I suppose I may have been procrastinating.

I hope so. I hope I can kill the weretiger.

Well, either way, I'd find out tomorrow.

(I'd really appreciate feedback or ideas or comments if you have any!! Thank you for reading up to this.)