Dear Lindsey

Part 16

It was several hours later when Stevie curled up on her right side in Lindsey's bed with him spooning her closely from behind, absently stroking her belly.

They had made love over and over again, unable to stop touching and feeling each other and even now, that they were completely spent, considering that they were no spring chicken anymore and had had an exhausting show of two-and-a-half hours, they still couldn't take their hands off each other.

"Steph?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure.", she said and turned in his arms to face him.

"What... What are we doing here?", he stammered and looked at her.

"I.. Honestly? I have no idea.", she admitted and stroked his chest, "What do you think we're doing?"

"I don't know.. I just.. Do you think we're making a mistake?"

She looked up at him, "I made a lot of mistakes in my life, Linds, I made a lot of wrong decisions but this here.. This isn't one of them."

"How can you be so sure?", he asked and searched in her eyes for an answer.

"I just.. know it. Something that feels so good, so right, can't be a mistake."

They lapsed into silence for a while.

"Do you feel guilty?", Stevie asked suddenly, "I mean.. because of Kristen?"

"I.. a little.. I've never cheated on her before.. Actually, when I think about it.. The only woman with whom I cheated on all my girlfriends is you, Stevie."

"You mean..?", she stuttered and looked up at him.

"Yes, Stevie. On every single one of them. And the only woman I didn't cheat on was you."

"But I cheated on you.", she said very quietly.

"Yes, you did."

"Have I ever.. I mean.. told you how sorry I am for doing that to you?", Stevie said and looked right into his eyes and he was shocked at the amount of raw emotions he saw in them.

He slowly shook his head, "That was a long time ago, Steph. This was when? 1974?"

"Doesn't make a difference.", she said, "I hurt you immensely. And I am so, so sorry for doing that to you.", tears started to form in her eyes, "I... I should have never done that. It changed things between us. You didn't trust me after that anymore and I.. I understand that, of course."

"Stevie..", Lindsey sighed and pressed her tightly into his arms, "Come on, stop that! Let's not get to that dark place.."

"I hurt you so much.. Sometimes I wonder, you know, if.. if we would have lasted, if only I hadn't cheated on..-"

"Stop that!", Lindsey said once again and hushed her by pressing two fingers on her lips, watching one single tear running down her cheek, "It was not only your fault. There was a reason why you did that. I was a possessive, ignorant, self-centered asshole back then and I took you for granted. That's why you went cheating on me."

"You would have never cheated on me.", she said slowly.

"That's true. I would have never done that. I loved you so much back then and I am so sorry that I didn't treat you like you deserved it. Maybe, I needed that wake-up call!"

"Lindsey, that was no wake-up call! After I cheated on you, you didn't trust me one bit. I mean, of course you didn't, I can't blame you for that. And then, everything changed. The fame, the money, the drugs... It wasn't a wake-up call, it was the end of our relationship."