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"Lawrence!"

"The fuck is he doing!?"

"Lawrence, hey!"

"Lawrence.. Lawrence!"

"Do you hear me? Don't do it!"

"Is he serious!?"

"Don't do it!"

"Put the gun down!"

"Lawrence!"

"Call the cops!"

"NO!"

"NO, LAWRENCE!"

Bang.

She sat erect, beads of sweat dripping from her entire body as she held the sheets on her chest. Tears now falling from her eyes at the reminder of her nightmare.

It has been a year already and it seems that this frequent nightmare never planned to leave her at all.

Her hand dragged itself on her right side, trying to find her source of warmth, only to be greeted by a chilly surface. At the lack of heat, her nails dug on the comforter, growing distressed. Brows frowning with each drawing thought that she would no longer receive warmth.

"Fuck!" She angrily threw her pillow on the far corner of her room. Unstoppable tears still falling from her reddened cheeks. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

A single bang and a single video ruined her entire life.

On April 12th of 2013, a teenage boy committed suicide in his high school in Fresno, Califoria after an embarassing video was posted online by her classmates.

On April 12th, exactly a year ago, Lawrence Barns took his own life.

It was her nightmare that she couldn't subdue.

Just like that. The love of her life, the future they imagined together, the life they wanted to share--just snapped and it's gone.

Everyday did it haunt her. Everyday did she beg that Lawrence's pain was transferred to her instead.

"Fuck shit." Nox pants, trying to calm her breathing.

It was supposed to be another day. She went to school, got graciously 'comforted' by her friends, jotted down her notes then back home to grieve and mourn, sleep then wake up for classes, repeat.

No. They didn't understand her at all. They didn't empathised with her pain. Nobody did. They justified that she should've moved forwards since a year has already passed.

It happened and there's nothing she could do to change it.

She didn't listen. They had no right to invalidate her grieving process. Not when she knows that they didn't fully like him.

Nox knew Lawrence wasn't the person they seek out in a friend, but she knew him better than anyone. He was always there for her, she's seen his character development, she's seen his pain and grief, she's seen how he wanted to be better.

They did share what, 3 years? Almost 4 years together. It's not fuckig simple as blinking to accept that her loved one is already underneath a chunks and clumps of soil.

Nox wanted to do nothing but lay on her bed and cuddle his pillow, his pillow that still had his scent lingering. Her favorite scent to fill her nostrils.