Jenna Ortega

Crying in the rain

(warning mention of metal demons)
(I definitely suggest listening to the song while reading)

POV: Y/n

"Y/n... Please.. don't go..." The desperation in her voice overwhelming me. I turned around so I wouldn't see her face. I couldn't tell her how I felt because I couldn't describe it.

" I love you to death Jenna..." I said quietly but loud enough for her to hear. I did and I meant it, I wish she'd believe me.

I took a deep breath glancing back at Jenna to see her reaction. She was holding her chest, tears running down her face mixed with the tears from the sky.

" If you love me..you wouldn't leave.." Jenna's eyes were desperately trying to read mine. Her hands clutching her shirt.

I clenched my fist as I looked away from her. She didn't understand me, she wanted a meaning to what i said. There was silence, I can't stand here and keep hurting her.

I looked at Jenna who looked weak in the legs, she was sobbing. Her hair sticking to her face, her eyes still looking at me waiting. I unclenched my hands and closed the distance between us. I grabbed her face with both hands, looking in her eyes before I crashed our lips together. The kiss was desperate and slow, holding on to each other tightly... knowing this might be the last kiss.

I slowly pulled away resting my forehead against hers, I felt tears of my own making their way down my face. My eyes closed as I held her, this kills me so much but I feel like I have to walk away before she gets hurt.

I took a deep breath pulling completely from her arms, I turned my back to her and started walking.

"Y/n! Stop please.... Just- we'll get through this together- please! Y/n!" She yelled out to me over the pouring rain. But I kept walking, I couldn't turn back to her because I wouldn't be able to bring myself to leave. My heart felt like it was breaking.

I heard her sobs as I walked further and further away, leaving her in the middle of the street crying in the rain.

I wish she could believe me when I tell her I loved her... We had forever now forever seems so far away.. I never meant to leave her crying in the rain...

As I got closer to my house I started to fully break. My breath heavy as my hands shook, tears kept streaming down my face. But I kept walking until I was at my front door, I stopped grabbing the doorframe putting my head against the wood. I felt like screaming. I hit the door with both fists as sobs erupted from me. I opened the door, going to the fridge, I didn't care that my door was still open. I grabbed the alcohol from one of the drawers, opening the lid, downing what I could in one swig.

I felt angry with myself but I knew I couldn't have everything, I knew if I stayed with her I would keep hurting her, so I had to push her away. I drank all of the alcohol in that bottle, gripping the glass tightly. I screamed throwing it across the room, it shattered on the wall next to our photographs hanging up. I threw everything off my kitchen counter, grabbing whatever I saw and throwing it. Breaking it.

I fell down to my knees crying. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I was gasping for air. My thoughts running, my demons keep saying awful things. I dragged myself up closing the front door before walking down the hall into the bathroom, taking off my wet clothes. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror, I looked awful. I had bruises and cuts on my body from all the fights I've been getting into. It's the only way I can get my demons out of my head. My eyes were red and I had bags under my eyes. I punched the mirror causing the glass to crack, my hand started bleeding. I stared at my now broken reflection, how I felt on the inside.

I turned on the water in the bath, rinsing the blood from my knuckles before getting in the tub, clogging the drain. The water was hot, hot enough to burn my skin but I didn't care. I sat in the tub and curled my legs to my chest, hugging them. The image of Jenna's face keeps popping in my head, the way she broke down, the way she held me before I left her.

As the water filled the tub to my ribs, I turned the water off. Sliding under the water in the tub, holding my breath as long as I could. I felt like screaming again as my demons ate at my soul. It feels like I'm being ripped apart, I've been feeling like that for months. I couldn't risk Jenna being hurt by me, I needed her to be safe because I love her too much. I love her so much that I had to let her go....

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Oof sorry y'all Its short but I got the inspiration from a song honestly I might write a part 2.
Lmk if I should, if y'all would be interested anyways I hope y'all have a lovely Saturday ❤️