The Nicholas Cage Experiment

Becoming make-do astronauts for starbucks and a check

I've been sitting in his living room for around 35 minutes, getting more confused by the minute about why the hell I agreed to this. It's not like I need the money-I'm a nursing assistant- or that I've ever had any longing to be a lab rat-I'm fine here in Philly- so.... The blonde girl speaks up. "Should someone go get him?" No one responds. Great. Then the stoner-"You know, maybe this is it, like, some social experiment shit." Blondie smiles. "That's actually a decent point!" Stoner looks pissed. "Yeah..." "Why don't you go get him?" The brunette twin of Blondie stares at me. I laugh it off. I don't really want to speak to any of these girls considering I'm planning to walk out the moment Professor Cage brings my ice cap. I hear a knock. Perfect getaway!! "Ah-ha-ha who's hungry? Thirsty,- He stares at me. My ego won't let me leave now... "Ok! Here you go Winona, that ice cappuccino. Wonder if it's like the ones at Tim Horts! There Canadian, just like my Vegas wifey and... the Westly brothers!! Which completes our gang of explorers, explorers IN SPACE!! Blondie looks appalled. "You want us to be fucking astronauts?!" "No, not astronauts Cassie Explorers in Space. We all begin to walk to the front door. "NOT YET!! Please listen. If I can't do this, I will grab the gun in the back of my overalls and shoot myself.You all then will forever be felons known for killing B-list funny man turned scientist Nicholas Cage! That would be incredibly stupid! Please stay." We all continue walking. "I'm giving you each my entire fortune for participating in my last ditch tragedy!" Well then, maybe I'll listen. "THANK YOU!" The b-list funny man turned scientist turned depression-ette hugs each of us in gratitude.