Note: For some reason these conversations paste in reverse, I fixed it before publishing this chapter because I'm NICE.
Bowser: I'm the best there is and the best there ever will be! I'll defeat you so badly, you'll wish you never faced me in the first place! You should just give up! You've got NO CHANCE!
Me: Do you like ice cream? I've got ice cream. Do you want some?
Bowser: Bwahahahaha! The last thing I need is some soft, creamy ice cream! I'm a fire-breathing, fire-proof Koopa! NOTHING can crush this shell! I could be stuck under an avalanche and be FINE!
Me: Suit yourself! takes a bite of ice cream
Bowser: What are you doing? Trying to cool off my fiery hot temper? What a joke! You and your team don't stand a chance. I'm gonna squash you! Come at me!
Me: I'm not trying to do anything, I'm just eating ice cream. takes another bite of ice cream
Bowser: Bwahahahahaha! You don't even care that I'm trying to crush you? You know what? Good. Because you don't intimidate me! I'm Bowser, and I'm ready to burn you and your team to ashes!
Me: I don't have a team. eats more ice cream Literally just came to see if you wanted a snack.
Bowser: A snack? I'm the final boss! I don't need a snack! I've got PLENTY of energy already! Now prepare to meet your doom! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Me: I've met Your Doom, he's a pretty nice fella. Gets a lotta crap for his rep. bites ice cream
Bowser: You think you're funny? Think again! You're up against the final boss of the ENTIRE WORLD!!! I'm not gonna be beat by any pathetic ice cream-eating clown! I'm gonna end your clown nonsense RIGHT NOW!!!
Me: Awe! You think I'm a clown? That's all I've ever wanted to be! Thank you! honks imaginary nose
Bowser: What? Don't get it twisted, Junior! I called you a CLOWN because you're a JOKE! A REALITY-DEFYING JOKE! Get it right! That's the last straw! I'm gonna turn you into a flat pancake, you and your stupid ice cream!
Me: YOU THINK I'M REALITY-DEFYING? <3
Bowser: What do you MEAN by that?! Do you think this is amusing? Do you think this is funny? YOU think my goal of taking over the world is some kind of a joke? Well, IT IS NOT! It is all too real! And you WILL witness me become the ruler of the WORLD!!!
Me: No, no, I believe in you! I've just never been so complemented by someone who wants to kill me. May I pat your head? eats the last of the ice cream
Bowser: Grrrr! Don't try your mind-games on me! I don't want you to pat my head! I don't want my head anywhere AROUND YOU!!! Don't even think about it!
Me: Hm. Are you suuuuurrreeeeee. I'll do your bidding if you let me pat your head!
Bowser: No... No... Wait... You... You mean it? You'll obey my every command if I let you pat my head?!
Me: Yes! I pinkie promise! holds out my pinkie
Bowser: Gwah! Oh... Well... Um... I suppose... it IS just a pat on the head! But you will do WHATEVER I ask?
Me: Yup! I'll even cut off my hands for ya'! So long as I pet your head FIRST, of course.
Bowser: W-wait... Wh-what? You'd... you'd... you'd be willing to CUT OFF YOUR HANDS FOR ME to pet my head? Really?!
Me: Yeah! I mean, what even IS a hand if not something that can be cut off at some point?
Bowser: I-I-I don't know... That's... That's... a good point! I suppose... um... I suppose your commitment to the headpat is unrivaled! If... if you would really just... cut off your own hands just so I'd let you pat my head... Then... Then why, I suppose a quick headpat is in order...
Me: YAY! ^0^ I pet your head
Bowser: Grr... You've won this round.... But... But I warn you, this doesn't mean that I'm not going to win this battle! You've got a weird obsession with my head and I'm not sure I like it! I'll make sure you're out of the way before I become the ruler of the world so I never have to give you another headpat again!
Me: Yeah, okays. takes out a hatchet Now, which of my hands should I cut off, first?
Bowser: Don't... You... dare... If you so much as THINK about cutting your hands off, I'll... I'll... I'll burn you to a crisp, so help me! DO NOT CUT OFF YOUR HANDS.
Me: Jesus, okay! puts the hatchet down So what DO you want me to do? I said I'd do your bidding, I wasn't lying.
Bowser: W-wha! You'd really do anything? Anything at all?? For a single pat on the head???
Me: Yeah! I mean, it was a pretty good head pat.
Bowser: Looks away to the side, blushing. Well. In that case, I guess... I guess I have some orders for you... clears throat You are now going to do my bidding as I become the ruler of the world! How does that sound?
Me: It sounds awesome! What's the first order, Mr. King Bowser, sir?
Bowser: BWAHAHA!!! Yes, Yes, YES! I AM THE RULER OF THE WORLD!!! FIRST ORDER IS... FIRST... ORDER IS... You are to become my servant! You must obey my every command! Is that clear?!
Me: Yes, sir, Mr. King. Bowser, sir! Just tell me your first command!
Bowser: First command... Well, uh... I suppose if you just let me... Just another pat on the head... smirks mischievously
(to self) I can't believe this is working!
Me: Yes, sir!! But you don't have to command me to do that, I'd do it for ya' even if it weren't required. pats your head
Bowser: (blushes again) Oh... Well, in that case... First command is to... Bring me the best crown you can find in the palace... That is... If it's not too much to ask...
Me: Of course, sir! I run around the palace trying to find the best crown available. To my surprise, there's a crown sitting unsupervised in a supplies closet. I take it, dust it off, and bring it to you Will this do, sir?
Bowser: Gwah! How did you find it so quickly?! That's the crown! That is my crown to become the ruler of the world! Thank you ever so! You are truly the greatest servant in the world!
Me: Haha, thanks! I'm pretty good at finding things, so long as they don't belong to me. For some reason, finding my own possessions is too difficult.
Bowser: Grr! Well, it certainly paid off in this case! I will be wearing this on my head when I take over the world! And then you'll finally be my personal servant and obey my every order forever! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Me: But I'm already your personal servant, lol. If you need anything else, let me know!
Bowser: Gwah! Oh... Right... You are now the personal servant of the most awesome ruler of the world because you did so well in finding the crown! Now you shall be by the side of me forever! How's that sound?
Me: I'll probably die before we get to the end of forever, but I think serving you for the rest of my life sounds grand!
Bowser: Gwah! Thank you! I'm glad! Because now it's time to take over the world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Wearing his crown, Bowser then flies away into the sunset.
