Acceptance - Meerasim OS

Acceptance

■ Murtasim ■

"Biwi hai ab woh tumhari."

"Nikkah mein hai woh tumhare."

"Shaadi hui hai aapki."

"Biwi nahi hoon main tumhari."

While everyone at the house told me that Meerub is my wife, Meerub who needed to accept being my wife, being tied to me, didn't accept it.

She left the nikkah procession in between only to make me a sign contract which according to her will protect her. The contract stated that I will have no right on her body and I will not try to establish my rights as a husband.

I don't know what made her think with so many things going around me I had the time to ponder over her body and establishing rights over it as a husband. I had no thoughts about sex let alone raping her in all this chaos.

I think I know what triggered this thought process of hers... when my sister told her that the first right on her was of me from now onwards. Nobody likes to give up their ownership. I don't give up of my lands then how could I have expected her to give the ownership of her body to me... Men and women don't own each other. My belief says that they complete each other and a man who treats women as his property can not be categorized as a man.

We were enemies initially not anymore, we are just acquaintances who turned into husband and wife. Acquaintances...it seems like both an appropriate term and not.

Do you feel pain of acquaintances?

No. Pain of either strangers who we don't know at all, whose life, backstory and nature was never ours to be familiar with yet we relate to them or people who belong to us is felt.

For people whose backstory we are aware of it is easy to classify it as karma an it is well known fact how ill-spoken Meerub is. Being abandoned was something she deserved I . But when there was a door which belonged to her, would have happily accepted her as she is, shut on her and she was wailing, asking it to be opened something in me shattered, something in me broke. It was hurting, painful. It bothered me.

It shouldn't have.

When I lost her in the dargah I searched for her like a mad man... and she told me she wouldn't have ran away. Her running away was not what I feared, what I feared was her safety, the thought that she might do something to herself haunted me.. because her pain, her state was unbearable.

The wedding night I spent the night outside in the hospital and she asked me with the right of a wife where I had spent the night.

Did she realise it or not that it seemed so domestic ?

Yesterday at the reception she danced in front of others to insult our family. The first thought in my mind was to protect her dignity.

On being questioned about the act she put in front of others she called it a reaction but reaction for what the marriage was her choice, ending the hatred was her choice.

Choices she was forced to make is the thought I try to gulp down but it seems stuck in my throat.

When Maa Begum slapped her in front of the family it sensed like a slap on my face. I don't know why but I felt agony again. She was slapped yet it wrecked me.

Why the slap was more painful to me than the insult I faced ?

Why does she affect me so much??

Why did I go against a person I love and respect a lot, the person who brought me into this world for her? Why did I disrespect Maa Begum for her?

I told her she was my wife. I told Maa Begum she was my wife.

I have accepted her as my wife in front of others, in front of her yet I haven't accepted her myself.

I want her rights as my wife to be given to her.

I want her to accept me as her husband, respect us, accept there is an us. She thinks she has lost her individuality which is not true, we still have our individual identities even if we exist as one in eyes of others. We might share our respect, our position in eyes of others but that doesn't mean we have lost our own identities.

I know loving her is impossible but accepting her as a wife not for others but myself shouldn't be so hard.
Right?

Accepting that I will have to share a part of my life with her and spend it with hatred shouldn't be so hard.
Right?

Yesterday when I pulled a little prank on her and she hugged me tight I felt something unknown, something new, a feeling I wasn't familiar with earlier.

When I made her wear the chain she looked so alluring. It seemed like a face I could stare at all my life.

I have started to like the way she blames me, the way she picks fights with me, the way she appears so bold but is so fragile. I think I have accepted to spend my life like this. I don't want her to leave me anymore. I want her to stay and consume her rights as a wife.

I have accepted her as my wife, the other half of my life.

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A/N

I wrote this OS because I felt that Murtasim is going way too fast so felt like a need to take dig into it.

Though I still feel he will be ditching her... something that the OST lyrics scream... he will be playing with her.. There is definitely more to it.

Hope you liked it.

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